to feel worried about this little girl?

[OTheHugeManatee]

More of a WWYD really, but I'm genuinely concerned.

One of my neighbours has a young daughter (I'd guess about 7 or 8). There's no mum in evidence, and sometimes she's not out playing in the garden for a few days, so I assume her parents are separated and she lives between this house with dad and elsewhere with mum.

She's a nice kid, and we often chat as I'm out gardening most evenings. I've given her sunflower seeds to plant as she seemed interested in growing things, and feel faintly protective towards her. She never seems to have friends round, and I wonder if she's a bit lonely.

I often hear her dad shouting at her. Like really loud, unpleasant, frightening shouting. Not just 'Stop that!' occasionally, as you'd expect when a child is a PITA, but really scary. It's 'fucking' this and 'fucking' that, and 'COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!' seemingly the whole time. This morning he was yelling at her intermittently from about 7am until I left for work between 8 and 9. I could hear him swearing and bellowing, and her crying. It really broke my heart, as I couldn't imagine what such a young child could have done to merit that much aggression from her father. She's clearly frightened of him, as when he yells at her to come indoors she goes at the speed of light.

Up until now I've just felt sad for her having such an angry father. But this morning, for the first time, I considered calling social services.
If I heard a man yelling at his wife like that I'd call it abuse, wonder about domestic violence and consider calling the police.

I'm aware that it's impossible to judge a parent/child situation from the outside; she could have all kinds of behavioural issues that are invisible to me; etc etc. But surely it's never excusable for a grown man to bellow 'FUCKING BITCH!' at his 8-year-old daughter?

Should I wind my neck in or should I do something? And if so what?

I had a similar situation with my neighbour, only there was physical abuse as well. I was hesitant because I was frightened of the man and frightened of the possible repercussions.

I rang social services but did not give my name. The social worker I spoke to was very professional and asked lots of relevant questions. She understood that I was frightened and had no problem about me not giving my name.

With hindsight, I am completely glad I did it. It was the right thing to do. There were, and are, repercussions for me. Even though I did not give my name, he seems to have guessed it was me who made the referral. I still have no regrets.

Good on you Manatee. I hope the little girl gets the help she needs.

Having read what the OP intends to do, I'd say SS aren't going to be made aware of this until at least next Tuesday...then they've got to find an available time for a member of staff to visit so I doubt it will be any time soon.

Quite why the OP wants to slow it all down by ringing the NSPCC and chatting to her DH first is beyond me

Just make the phonecall and discuss it later.

What about the school? If you know what school the girl attends, then you could say something to the head teacher (or school nurse/counselor). The school could inform the mother ...

The school will contact SS.

If you have genuine concerns about this little girl you need to ring social services. Go with you gut feeling on this one..

SS wont listen to the school if no-one there witnessed it.

They need to hear from the witness

Good decision, OP.

Call SS immediately

You should, without a doubt, report your concerns to SS. As others have said, they will investigate & if everything is OK with the child nothing more will be done. However, if there is a problem then this little girl needs help. At the very least, it sounds like Dad needs some sort of parenting classes to teach him how to deal with his daughter - again SS could help with that.

I once had to report a woman whose garden backed onto mine to SS for a very similar thing. I was forever bringing my own DCs in from our garden because she was screaming & shouting things like "I'll get you, you fucking cunt" or "just you wait you little fuck". For ages I assumed she was arguing with a partner, friend, adult because I couldn't actually see over the hedge - until one day I saw her through my bedroom window (and heard her) & realised she was actually shouting all of this at her 2 year old daughter . A while later I was standing behind her in the local Post Office & overheard her moaning loudly to a friend that "the kids are on the fucking at risk register now coz some nosey bitch dobbed me in to the social worker" "who the fuck do they think they are?". I have never regretted phoning SS, as they obviously found something they were unhappy with in that house.

MumblingRagDoll - if you read my post I said the child was the most important. But it won't do her - or any child - any good if whoever reports abuse backs down under pressure from either the family or the SS questionings. If for the sake of a 10 minute call to NSPCC she feels more confident before she involves SS or whatever then I think its 10 minutes well spent.
If you think thats indulgent then tough

It's just daft safran

SS don't put pressure on with their 'questionings' they simply listen to what the witness is reporting and ask one or two things if they need to.

Have you ever reported someone? Do you even know how it works?

TBH you're making it sound like the OP should have something to worry about instead of just picking up the phone and spending 5 or 10 minutes telling SS what she's told us!

i think you should go and talk to him before you tell ss hes been swearing at his daughter.

safran and worra I hear what you're saying. I don't live with DP though, but on my own, in a ground-floor flat whose bedroom and back door face onto the garden of the house where the girl I'm concerned about lives with her dad.

In my position, if you were about to make a call to the authorities about said dad, who I have already seen to be on a very short fuse, I think that like me you'd take a considered approach.

I agree with worra, I think you should just call SS, tell them what you heard and let them look into it.

If you saw someone getting beaten on the street, you would call the police right away, right? You wouldn't worry about saying the exact right thing on the phone or practising by calling someone else first.

Not that this is the same thing, but I think you should look at it like reporting a crime, it's fairly straightforward.

It's only complicated if you're not sure what you heard or not sure if there's abuse but I think we all agree that calling your daughter a fucking bitch for an hour is abusive. So report it.

worralliberty not myself but I do have first hand knowledge of someone who reported something and got a lot of fairly aggressive questioning from SS - to the point she started questioning whether she was over reacting and felt she was being doubted. In the end she was treated like she was the villian trying to break up a family that she felt she was doing the wrong thing. Unfortunately the family moved away so she had no way of knowing what happened in the end

OP - I am not saying this is the case for you.

So I stick by my opinion if someone has doubts or is worried about involving SS then anything that makes then more confident and able to jeep the story clear, will help the child in the long term.

Consider what for goodness sake?

Do you realise anyone could have reported them by now and you could still 'get the blame'??

That's not going to change is it? So why don't you just stop 'considering' and phone the bloody SS if you are genuinely concerned?

Or if you want (and I mean this sincerely) PM me the details and I'll make the call myself!

keep obviously not jeep

Yes safron and someone I know got run over crossing the road

Therefore I think I'll phone RoSPA and ask their advice before I attempt to cross.

Sorry but your just scaremongering now...we can all bring up 'horror' stories on any subject but it doesn't make it the norm does it?

Meanwhile...back to the 8yr old child?

worraliberty
I'm answering your question - in my first responses I very deliberately did not put that detail in. And I did say I did not think this was the case for the OP

OP - I'm leaving the thread, I hope the child is OK and I think the decision you made a few posts back is the right one

OP I don't want to minimise the difficulty here. You have to decide whether to potentially risk your own safety in order to protect a little girl who you have no responsibility for. Only you can make that decision. NSPCC cannot tell you how your neighbour will react -- no one can. You would, really, have to hope for the best.

But even if things go bad, you do have options. You can go to the police, in worst case you can move.

That little girl has no options and no protection.

It is up to you if you don't want to report it but tbh I don't know how you'll be able to listen to that abuse over and over without wishing you had done something earlier.

That poor girl

Then why mention it and possibly worry the OP?

I'm leaving this thread too because it saddens me that such a simple phonecall is such a big deal when a small child could be in trouble.

The offer still stands OP...PM me if you would rather not phone them yourself.

Handy time to leave a thread Safran.....RIGHT after putting an inflamatory "reason" for your skewed opinion.

OP - if you're still reading this thread, because from what you've said above it sounds as if you've already made the most sensible decision under the circumstances... just to reiterate: it's a good decision, should allow you to present clear, calm, well supported evidence of your concerns, which in the long run is likely to be the most useful approach.

With all respect to them NSPCC will do very little if anything.

Call Children's Services yourself, or if you've seen her in school uniform and know where she goes call the school and share your concerns, and ask them to call CS.

Both my brother and I are adoptees. If our biological parents' neighbours had wound their necks in, then at worst, we'd both be dead.

Please phone social services.