DD's unhappy year 4 at school in class of only 3 girls and 17 boys am I being unreasonable to ask school to move her next year into a class with more girls?

[Nelluc]

DD has had a miserable yr4. She is one of only 3 girls in her class - she likes these girls but all her good friends are in the other class. The boys gang up against her in class and in the playground. She is very sociable (has a brother) and has had no problem in previous years mixing with boys. The primary school have two classes per year and regularly move children at the end of the year into new class groups. Parent opinion is that either this is random or the school does not like the children forming strong bonds and want them to mix more. I would like to go into the school and request a meeting with the vp to explain the situation and request dd is moved to another class with more girls next year. I am worried that the school will look dimly on my request and leave her where she is. If I speak to the vp and she doesn't get moved I will think it is my fault - if I don't speak to vp and she doesn't get moved I will think I should have asked.

How many boys are in your dd's current class, and what is ratio of boys to girls in the other class?

Speak to the school - class lists for next term are being drawn up now and this is the time to put forward your concerns. Theoretically speaking they will either move your daughter or will explain satisfactorily why it is to her benefit to stay where she is.

17 boys to three girls in dd's class. 10 girls and 10 boys in the other class.

Does the other class have more girls in it?

If so, rather than asking if she can be with her friend (as I can see you are worried the school will do the opposite on purpose), can you suggest that the very uneven mix of girls/boys has caused your dd great distress this year and she is unhappy coming to school, then request that the school ensures a more equal balance of boys and girls. Or ask that she is not put in the same class as these boys that have caused her distress. I think both of these requests are perfectly reasonable.

It may well be tht the school are aware of how these boys have been behaving and are already planning on splitting them up.

Is it just your dd that is ganged up on by them? Or is it all the girls in her class.

and, if you have pointed out that she is distressed, I think the school have a duty to do something about it.

it seems very odd not to try to spread the girls out evenly given that they are already so outnumbered. ds1 is in a class with 15 boys and 5 girls, but that is representative of the split of the genders in the school generally so there's not a lot can be done about it.

if your child is unhappy, you have a duty to stick up for her. the boy/girl ratio should be the same in both classes.

yanbu at all. make an appt and go express your concerns.

It sounds very strange that they arranged the class groupings to have only three girls in the first place (instead of having 6 or 7 girls in each class). With the best will in the world, friendships aren't going to be gender-blind at this age and it's important for children to be able to mix with their own gender. And if one or two of the three girls left the school during the course of the year due to moving away (which could easily happen) it would be even more extreme!

I am surprised that they didn't try either to even the girls out across the two classes or put all the girls in one and have another one boys only.

I would definitely speak to them. Socially it is important for there to be more girls - 3 is a very dodgy number anyway for friendships.

It is such a shame when schools do not think it is important for children to form strong bonds with their peers. DD was with the same children from Reception to Y6 and now although they are all in Y7 in different schools, there is still a very strong bond there, girls and boys.

It does seem strange that the girls aren't spread more evenly between the two classes.

DS1 is in a year of 4 boys and 10 girls and DS2 is in a year of 4 boys and 11 girls, but this is the whole year group so there isn't a lot that they can do about it. They are in composite classes (small village school) which usually balances things out, but next year the two years are together so there will be 8 boys and 21 girls! Even worse there are two sets of brothers (including DS1 and DS2) within those 8 boys, so it really doesn't make for a wide range of friends.

I would ask. You've got nothing to lose have you?

Dd2 is in year 3 and out of 60 kids in her year, 17 are girls?!! It seems to be pretty common in that age group!!

Thank you all for your advice - I will ring the school this am to make an appointment. You are right - I have a duty to speak up for her.

I think you need to word it without saying she needs to be in x's class. Just day that you are unhappy with the ratio and it has effected your dd.

The composition of the class is not as relevant as boys 'picking on' (bullying?) one member. That should always be brought to the attention of the teaching staff and they have a responsibility to resolve it.

In my geography class (many many many moons ago) there were only 3 girls and 20 boys. It was hellish. actually I am still in touch with one of those girls from that class, and we sometimes talk about how bloody horrible it was, neither of us can work out why we didn't tell our parents so good on your daughter for telling you :-)

Definately ask, but do it now as they will be working on class lists now if they haven't already.

At my kids primary there were 3 classes per year group. We were always told that we should take the opportunity at the summer parents' evening to mention if there were any issues we would like taking into account when they drew up the class lists for the following year (basically, any kids you did or didn't think your child should be with).

My niece was in a class of 2 girls, all the rest boys.
Then the other girl moved away.
She was moved to another school as she disliked being the only girl; it seemed the only practical solution.

Where are all the girls?
There was no all-girls school nearby, or any other explanation except that few girls were born that year.

I would mention it. A large boy to girl ratio usually isn't desirable to the school/class teacher anyway so it might be something they are either a) planning to address or b) can't do anything about because the other class is no different.

I'm not surprised you and your dd aren't happy though, it's a very different dynamic in a class with a lot of boys.

Good luck!

Oh yes, but agree with everyone else, mention it now. They will be drawing up class lists for next year now.

I think you should ask the school to move her.

My nephew had a similar miserable experience of 3 boys and 22 girls in a class. He didn't get on well with the other boys and it really knocked his confidence. Eventually he changed schools and he really was like a different boy, back to his usual smily self.

Nelluc, this really isn't a boy/girl issue and nor should you word it that way. It's a bullying issue and as such, they have to address it.