I need people to tell me all the reasons I am being unreasonable and to calm the hell down

[MyToysAreOutOfThePram]

Regular who has name changed as I'm having a toys out the pram moment. And need people to slap some sense into me.

Right, scenario is - I am about to apply for a degree course, total change of career direction recently took redundancy from a job Ive been working in for years that drained my very soul and I hated. Had a really bad few years luck, DH redundant repeatedly, IVF yadda yadda.

Been working towards this application to uni, doing voluntary work in the area, gaining a qualification I need (don't sit exam till december so any offer I get will be conditional on passing that).

A very good friend who knows my background has suddenly decided she quite fancies this career change too. She recently took a qualification which will get her into this degree no problems, however there are only 15 places for the intake I am going after.

So now she's asking questions and saying I hope you don't mind if I go for it too.

Well yes I bloody do mind! But I know I shouldn't. I cant stop her or anyone else from applying! its silly and selfish, and I cant help it but I'm RAGING!

Please come and talk sense into me - I think Ive put so much effort into this application process it feels so precious and Im acting like a spoiled brat.

I need sense talking in bucket loads...please!

just trying to be objective - but would also be mightily hacked off in your position.Everything crossed for you x

Izzywhizzy - I like your style but there is only one university in the entire part of the country we live in that does this course! Thats whats so galling!

My lovely mum would say, "What's for you won't go by you".

Meh. Whilst this is a lovely sentiment, sadly it would appear I'm not as nice as my mum.

Start plotting.

Bows to mums superior life experience and wisdom, because mums are usually right.

Good luck!

Aaaah wine thank you

Think you need a real one - here you go

But isn't there different course or courses at the same uni that requires the same qualification?

Have another to tip over her head.

Pram, I did pretty much what you are doing now (took redundancy, change of direction, year at college to update qualifications, applied to uni) a few years ago but without the copy-cat friend (and 120 places on offer).

There was quite an emphasis on the personal statement - that's what got you the interview - and then further emphasis on the interview. Every mature student was interviewed, and a goodly proportion of school leavers (course was physiotherapy so academics alone not enough to get you in). How is she at interviews? Because I watched a lot of rivals interviewees crash and burn at the pre-interview, when we were doing 'group work'. Particularly the school leavers, who I had imagined would have been prepared by their schools in what to expect/what the uni would be looking for.

Think about what they'll be looking for and tailor personal statement/interview behaviour accordingly. youarekidding (Thu 23-Jun-11 20:52:33) has given you some really good deflections for anything your friend may ask you in the meantime.

Good luck! (I'd have been gutted in your position btw.)

Ouch!! Totally understand why you would be royally peed off at this, but not sure there is much you can do, unfortunately, that wouldn't result in a jail sentence instead! If she mentions it, I would just go on about how much you really really really want this, how you are soo worried you won't get in, given that there are so few places, how gutted you will be if it doesn't happen given how long you have been planning this etc etc etc. Should hopefully give her a case of the guilts...She might realise just how it would affect your friendship if she did get in and you didn't.

But chances are you will get in- I reckon if it is as important to you as it sounds, that will shine through in any interview and your enthusiasm and determination should put you ahead of the game. Good luck!!

Thanks whereyou and Jooly - next time its brought up I will stress how worried I am about the application etc. I am writing my personal statemen currently and stressing over how much or little I should put in

Op I had a similar issue at work, my best friend at work and I both applied for the same job! We agreed not to discuss our applications and are still good friends today over 12 years later. Btw I got the job

if she asks fir your help just say I've had to do all my own work so should you I'm so busy doing mine I dint really have the time to help you with yours as well.

Don't tell her anything that would scupper your chances - and good luck. This happened to me some years ago and my friend was convinced she would sail through the application and interview whilst I thought they wouldn't have me - actually she said as much. Anyway I was accepted and my friend wasn't. She was rather speechless and I was silently victorious. Sadly we are no longer in touch but were for some years after this.

Might it help to separate this out a bit?

Part one. You are applying for a course that you are keen to get, and might not get because of small intake. You are doing everything you can to get onto the course. What will you do if you DON'T get onto the course, have you got a plan B? It is not this bit that has made you cross.

Part two. Somebody else is applying as well. That is to be expected, there will be loads of applicants, some better than you, quite a large amount not so dedicated. It is not this that has made you cross

Part three. A friend is copying you. Annoying, and it happens in all sorts of areas. People try to tell you it is flattering. It is not. It is annoying. It is for you to decide whether the friendship is worth more than the annoyance.

Part four, and this is the non-rational bit, but I understand completely, you suspect that she might STEAL something from you. This is not actually possible, because it isn't yet yours to steal.

I understand you beeing pissed off, but you can't ask her NOT to apply. You can thoughh say that you are nervous because you think she will get it and you won't and ASK HER TO HELP YOU! To make sure you get in, so you can go together. I would be very interested to see what happens then

I suspect there is also a strong chance that she might get bored and wander off and do something else.

Very good luck for your own application

Lovebeing and Harlot I just cant believe after all the effort Ive put in someone on a whin might get it and I wont. I didnt actually say anything about my plans for a couple of months then it got found out because I asked a mutual friend about shadowing someone in this profession that she knew and my close friend found out via this then over the next few weeks she started mentioning it more and then said hope you dont mind me doing it too :( wah!

Norks - yes you are right Im really annoyed actually that I cant just have this ONE THING as my thing without someone who I know trouncing it! haha! a bit childish but thats how I feel.

And I know its not mine to be stolen but it feels like it! But thank you its helpful to hear this

I'm with the others - I completely understand where you're coming from in this, I think it's irrational but understandable, as is a lot of life!

This is just a suggestion, obviously I don't know either of you, so I don't know it it is a good one or not, only you can judge that.

But if she's a really good friend, might it help to have it out with her? I mean, explain how you feel, how you know it's unreasonable but you can't help feeling like it, and have a chat with her.

It could be that she just wanted to join you because you want this so badly and it's rubbing off on her. If she realises how you feel about her applying on a whim, she could back off and choose something else instead. Or maybe she wants it just as badly, and could tell you some of the reasons why, in which case you might become supportive of her as a result.

Of course, it could spoil your friendship, but then it could anyway, particularly if she gets in and you don't.

Zonked - I think it's going to come to that as Inm so upset that i dont think I will be able to stop myself saying it. So we will see!

I think Im goign to have to jajas. Im gutted. wah.

My ds has just finished his first year in college - we aren't in the UK, in our system exam results and there is no personal statement. A lot of people are now moving between courses, having taken the wrong route. I'm sure the 'thinking time' is a good way of deciding and saying why you want a place...friend's application might 'lack personality'? I love that you are logically being unreasonable, and everyone is on your side

I know you don't want to say exactly what it is. If she took a qualification recently could it have been something she wanted to do but also hadn't mentioned? [clutching at straws]

Well it sounds to me like you made the course sound great, your 'friend' thought "I'd like a bit of that" and she's totally gegged in on your idea! Not only that but she's got the bloody nerve to ask YOU questions about it.

If that is the case then I'd be fucking furious and I'd HAVE to say something.

I'd stop talking about any of it with her. Change the subject very abruptly every time she mentions it and if she keeps going on, say something along the lines of "look, this course is really important to me, I've been working towards this for X years and for every extra person that applies, that's one more person to compete against for the limited number of places so perhaps if you're really that interested in applying and you need to know X/Y/Z you could find it out from the University/internet/someone else. I'm too busy with my application to really assist you in any way".

YANBU. I'm actually furious on your behalf!

A friend and I went for the same course, she had always thought she was so much cleverer then me and the bitch had even taken credit for some work I did right in front of me, which I was so dumbfounded about I didn't even contradict. Anyway I got on and she didn't and I can still to this day vividly remember her saying "why would they give YOU a place over me?!"

Would also just like to add that I was offered . . . ahem . . . 3 places, she wasn't offered any and had to take a year out! HAHAHAHAHA (cackles like maniac!)

Pretty - well, she wasn't a friend, then!

ASByatt No you are right she wasn't. I thought she was at the time though and we stayed friends for another 6 years. Eventually I realised that she had been putting me down (in front of other preferably) at every opportunity, and had also been slagging me off and criticising me to other people. Particularly ones that I was getting on well with. It was like she couldn't bear to see me do well or make friends so she would get in the way of it. What a bitch! And what a sap I was not realising for so long!

Hope this doesn't ring any bells OP with your friend.

If she has already taken a qualification that will help get her on that degree course, then maybe she has wanted to do it for quite some time, and she might feel the same way about you doing the course as you feel about her doing on the course.
But if she has just copied you on a whim then kill her