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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need people to tell me all the reasons I am being unreasonable and to calm the hell down

92 replies

MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 20:35

Regular who has name changed as I'm having a toys out the pram moment. And need people to slap some sense into me.

Right, scenario is - I am about to apply for a degree course, total change of career direction recently took redundancy from a job Ive been working in for years that drained my very soul and I hated. Had a really bad few years luck, DH redundant repeatedly, IVF yadda yadda.

Been working towards this application to uni, doing voluntary work in the area, gaining a qualification I need (don't sit exam till december so any offer I get will be conditional on passing that).

A very good friend who knows my background has suddenly decided she quite fancies this career change too. She recently took a qualification which will get her into this degree no problems, however there are only 15 places for the intake I am going after.

So now she's asking questions and saying I hope you don't mind if I go for it too.

Well yes I bloody do mind! But I know I shouldn't. I cant stop her or anyone else from applying! its silly and selfish, and I cant help it but I'm RAGING!

Please come and talk sense into me - I think Ive put so much effort into this application process it feels so precious and Im acting like a spoiled brat.

I need sense talking in bucket loads...please!

OP posts:
stleger · 23/06/2011 20:59

Is it an application direct to the college? If so you might accidentally enclose a fresh fifty pound note in the envelope?

thegruffalosma · 23/06/2011 21:02

Offer to drop off her application for her as you're going that way and don't Grin

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/06/2011 21:03

I think a little honesty wonldn't go amiss, she must be bloody stupid if she there are 15 places and she thinks that she won't be competing against you.

if she asks xy a "look I'm really sorry I obviously want this as much as you and if our applications are too similar, it mught harm both our chances. so II really rather not talk about it, as it would be so good if we could both get it"

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/06/2011 21:04

that might be a bit passive agressive too Grin

youarekidding · 23/06/2011 21:08

How about 'well you really want this as much as me so I'm sure you can find plenty of reasons why you should get a place like I have, and the reasons why your experience and qualities meet these'

Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:10

well if nothing else this thread is cheering me up a bit. I think you might be right about the passive aggressive honesty Dorisisa. If she mentions again Im going to actually say that. She might then get the hint im not OK with it without me saying it directly.

TCOB and gruffalo haha!

OP posts:
Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:11

stleger yes its direct to university as is part time route...god I wish bribery would work Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:12

youarekidding i think she probably would put better reasons than me though...thats the crap part! haha

OP posts:
MsTeak · 23/06/2011 21:12

Sorry, feel your pain, but have to go with YABU. You just have to keep telling yourself that you will rise or fall on your own merits no matter who else applies.

Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:16

I know MsTeak you are 100% right but damn it - its so annoying!

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 23/06/2011 21:17

it's a tough one and can really see why you are cross and feel for you, so rant and rave away.

But just imagine if a MN regular had posted "there's this course I really, really want to do but a lovely friend is applying, I know she's been working very hard towards it for some time so feel bad that we'd be competing - but it's also my dream - should I not go for it because of my friend???"

What would everyone have written?

Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:19

Lilolil see this is what I need (as well as people helping me plot her demise heheheh Grin ) i want and need to see that side of it otherwise its going to bug the hell out of me, so thank you

OP posts:
Fontsnob · 23/06/2011 21:20

Laxative in her cup of tea before her interview?

youarekidding · 23/06/2011 21:21

excellent point lilo annoyingly. Grin

I bet she can't think of better reasons. You can state you had redundancy, decided on this career yeras ago, done x,y and z to get experience and are ready for the challenge.

It's got to beat decided 2 months ago and so applying.

Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:21

fontsnob - if only I could organise to be there just before interview

OP posts:
Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:25

I wish youarekidding, I wish, but the application deadline is sept (january intake) and she has done a qualification almost directly related to this course prior (don't want to say what exactly as will surely identify me) so she will walk the application process I reckon - and still has time to organise shadowing etc :(

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 23/06/2011 21:25

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Tell her actually do mind cause there are only 15 places so Would you mind waiting a year pretty please!

Well she did ask ......

Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:27

HipHop - I really, really want to say that!

OP posts:
Fontsnob · 23/06/2011 21:28

[evil grin emocion]

Dozer · 23/06/2011 21:29

Yabu. It isn't nice competing against friends, but there is always competition and she has as much right to apply as you do. All you can do is what you are doing, making your application as good as possible. If you're to succeed in career-changing you'll need to be able to keep your goal in mind, work towards it and not worry about what others are doing (the odd moment of ranting is allowed though!)

Dozer · 23/06/2011 21:30

Yabu. It isn't nice competing against friends, but there is always competition and she has as much right to apply as you do. All you can do is what you are doing, making your application as good as possible. If you're to succeed in career-changing you'll need to be able to keep your goal in mind, work towards it and not worry about what others are doing (the odd moment of ranting is allowed though!)

lilolilmanchester · 23/06/2011 21:33

hope it goes well for you by the wayx

Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:34

Dozer - wise ans sensible words...I just wish my inner 7yr old would bloody listen Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MyToysAreOutOfThePram · 23/06/2011 21:36

Thanks lilo...i will post back when she gets in and i don't...along the lines of "am i being unreasonable to lie on the floor crying and wailing and beating my chest in despair" Grin seriously though, thank you for being a sensible head for me

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 23/06/2011 21:49

Reespehct, Sue!!!!

Only 15 places? So that's one place for you, one place for her, and 13 places for other applicants.

Visualise your first day - it's Freshers - feel the buzz. Sorted.

However, it does seem an odd a coincidence that your friend should suddenly decide to embark on the same path as your good self. Have you been filling her head with your plans?

Is there perhaps another course, or other courses, which require her existing/your anticipated qualification, maybe at the same or another uni?

If so, perhaps you could casually drop into her shell-like that you're considering applying for a different course because it has more prestige/fit lecturers/will give greater earning power/any other desirable material benefit you can dream up that will appeal to her.