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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to focus on sex all the time?

101 replies

LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 13:29

I suppose he's just like most men really but DP seems to focus on sex all the time. We don't live together and he seems to think that everytime we do see each other we need to be straight up to the bedroom.

I was talking to him on facebook last night and he started on about sex again. I changed the subject, started talking about cooking (we both enjoy cooking so it's not a girly topic to us) and he started saying I could work off what I've eaten on thursday (when he comes to my house) Hmm it's like everything comes back down to sex. I changed the subject again and every few minutes he sent me pictures of slutty outfits on ebay that he wants to buy me. It must have been pretty obvious I didn't want to talk about sex etc last night since I changed the subject EVERY time??

I'm starting to feel a bit like my main function for him is sex. AIBU?

OP posts:
Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:25

And just because its not going your way on here the OP attacks the posters for not agreeing with her.

drivemecrazy63 · 22/06/2011 14:25

hes using you sorry i dont like to say that but he is hes admited that he doesnt want it to go any further for years they are typical delaying tactics these men use plus hes not doing/taking you anywhere introducing you its all typical behaviour ,(thats if this info is correct as i didnt read your prev post) so no offence but get out now , im talking of experience as this happened to me but my excuse is i knew no better i was only 21 at the time im assuming your older than that so see sense now pleaseeeee

MrSpoc · 22/06/2011 14:25

Sorry but you dont make sense. Is this a wind up? Are you a Sunderland Fan.

If this is serious then either dump him or talk to him.

I agree with him when he says you'll run out of things to say if you call each other everynight for an hour.

How old are you too? You both sound like teenagers

Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:26

ok op before I naff off tell me this
Does he take you out? or do you just meet at his for sex?
Does he love you? Does he buy your presents?
As he discussed your future?
Try and answer these then that will help you if you have a future or not.

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:26

Pumpernickle, I did not attack you. You posted a message calling me stupid - that's an attack. Seriously I can't be arsed to argue with you, thanks for replying to my thread, you've made your point.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:27

Ok I can't keep up! give me 5 mins to eat this bloody sandwich and I'll reply properly! Grin

OP posts:
Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:27

see op I am not the only one that thinks this relationship is well not a relationship.

catsmother · 22/06/2011 14:28

Errrrrmmm ..... what did you mean about "purposefully" forgetting your pill ? ... and then saying you don't see why you should have to play games like that ?!? I might have got hold of the wrong end of the stick but no good can come of "forgetting" your pill, and especially not in a so-called relationship like this where, as so many others have said, he seems to have little real interest in you.

I too wondered why you can't talk on the phone .... and then you said he doesn't want to so you don't use up all topics of conversation (??) Yet he's happy to "talk" by text or FB. Can't help thinking those means require much less effort on his part and, so far as wanking fodder's concerned, probably feels "naughtier" to him. Because that's how all this is coming across .... you are a convenience to him. Too right he panics if you start to object because he can see his nice cushty arrangement - sex on tap, when it suits him - going down the drain. He's probably worried about how easy - or not - it'd be to find another woman quite so gullible because deep down he knows that most women wouldn't put up with being treated so contemptuously .... however, I bet if he were to find another one you wouldn't see him for dust ..... until then though, you'll "do".

The not letting you in the house thing ..... regardless of whether or not your fears re: someone else have been allayed, his response to your normal suggestions is still downright weird. He wants to compartmentalise his life - sees his his house as HIS and obviously doesn't want to include you in that, unless you effectively force the issue. Weird, and bloody rude.

For goodness sake, you need to start treating yourself with some respect. If you don't like the way he pesters for sex (and all the rest) tell him to sling his hook - simple. His 10 year plan sounds like a prison sentence, and you've said yourself that his "efforts" to put things right never last long ..... because he can't be bothered, and besides, why should he make any real effort when he knows that however much you complain about things, you still hang around.

Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:29

I only called you stupid because you can't see through those rose tinted specs your wearing. I am not arguing with you I am trying to get you to see for yourself,you can either wake up an smell the coffee or carry on as you are with him as nothing is going to change.

drivemecrazy63 · 22/06/2011 14:31

its difficult as you probably dont want to hear people say that lower obviously you care for him so if people say hes a waste of space move on its going to hurt isnt it but really were thinking of you and your self respect you are obviously not happy with how hes treating you so just think WWYD what would you say if someone else posted this you would say and probably rightly so RUN FOR THE HILLS

Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:32

Forgetting to take your pill and trap him,are you for real?

Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:33

I can tell you if you get pregnant by him I can say he will run for the hills.

drivemecrazy63 · 22/06/2011 14:34

if hes the way he sounds a baby on the way will just make him RUN FOR THE HILLS i would think

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:35

Ok the forgetting to take the pill thing was an an excuse NOT to have sex - not to purposely get pregnant!! although I do realise how it sounded now.

And yes he probably is just using me because it's easy/ requires minimum effort and all would probably change in an instant if he did find someone else.

Why do I feel like the bad guy that is going to hurt his feelings by ending it?

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 22/06/2011 14:35

Op - When it lasted a week (him making an effort) what did he do because as far as i can tell you dont see him in the week and dont talk on the phone. So what was his big effort. What did he actually do?

Pumpernickel10 is harsh but RIGHT.

drivemecrazy63 · 22/06/2011 14:36

if our input is insignificant why are you asking? i was very polite ive no idea why your so angry i was being sincere and quite pc i thought who such hostility my advice is dont post on AIBU if you dont want honest opinions

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:37

MrSpoc, I don't deny pumpernickel is right, I just object to being called stupid by someone who doesn't know me. I'm far from stupid. Gullible maybe - Grin

Ok so what did he do to make things better? err text me more, started up a holiday savings account for us both, bought me chocolate, you know, the usual.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:38

Drivemecrazy, the insignificant thing was aimed att pumpernickle who assumed she was hurting me by being harsh! it wasn't aimed at you.

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 22/06/2011 14:38

It does seem as though he is calling all of the shots and you work around him all of the time. Does he say he loves you? Does he buy you little presents? Do impulsive things that he knows you will love?

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:39

Yes Hammy, he does.

OP posts:
girlscout · 22/06/2011 14:39

I understand dependancy and isolation ,really I do ,but this is tedious.
You really have to bite the bullet and do the grown up thing here ,you have a kid, can you imagine your child being in your situation and making the excuses. Its hard ,but you really have to step up and be a better role model.

Pumpernickel10 · 22/06/2011 14:39

How can you be the bad guy op you have done nothing wrong here.
Honestly ask yourself can you go on another 10 years like this until your DC grows up and moves out. If you can't then for your own sanity you need to be strong and end it unless he offers some sort of commitment.

MrSpoc · 22/06/2011 14:41

Dont sound great to me Op. Text, Chocolates, Holidays Savings? Sorry but you need to be harsh and honest with yourself.

Stop giving him sex and see if he still wants to be with you.

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 22/06/2011 14:41

I'm not dependant and isolated though girlscout, that is the most ridiculous thing! I have friends, I go out, I start university in september, I don't NEED him. It's not a case of clinging on through need.

Pumpernickle, no I can't. I suppose in a way I've been waiting for him to finish it. But as you've pointed out, why would he when he's on such a good thing?

OP posts:
drivemecrazy63 · 22/06/2011 14:42

oh ok sorry bit of a mix up then i do apologise but really i did waste fat ot long in a sim situation and regret the time wasted not the experience as thats what makes us who we are who we become and good and bad experiences help us later in life if nothing else but to say to someone else hes not good enough for you ... i bet anyone who loves you would say that hes just not good enough

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