Aibu to ask if it is bad to be a loner?

[frownieface]

I am a loner. I have a fantastic dp (even though he rinses his mince). Two beautiful dogs, (no dc's yet!!!)

I love spending time by myself. I relish the days that dp works away from home and i'm home alone (on my days off).

Is it really that bad to be a loner as long as i'm happy?

But do you all have people you can go out with on the odd occasion that you want to? Don't they get fed up with you usually saying no?

I never used to be a loner, but I am now by choice really. I enjoy my own company and never get bored!

Do, QQ, do . Geek Chic is all the rage isn't it?

quirrel - I agree with sue (and again don't want to sound patronizing!). I think school has bad moments for anyone who's not super-confident and outgoing, whether that's down to AS or just plain character. I certainly found parts of sixth form quite boring and depressing (and tiring! It's really tiring being exposed to people all day like that, I think).

For me it was much nicer at university because people accept you won't be interested in everything, and you can find things that work for you. My brother's entire social life revolved around sport, because he enjoyed being with people but not talking, just working together to make a good team.

Quiddity - I do have people but either it's just too hard to be bothered (I'm very rural, have no babysitter and am LP, don't drive, am always poor, blah blah) or they're doing things I hate. I am just too old and grumpy for sticky floors and Blue Wkds and holding people's hair while they puke (trendy mid-life crisis friends) and I hate dinner parties as I can't return the hospitality and they're boring (posh friends).
I usually meet people for lunch/afternoons in a local pub.

quid, cross-posted with your last.

No, in my experience, they don't get fed up. I often say to my freinds that I can't come out with them because I'm busy, but as long as when you do go out you say how much you enjoy it, I think people will understand you're keen to see them ... just not keen to see them all the time! Some people are better friends in this respect than others ... I have friends that understand me well by now, and they know I like my space.

He rinses the mince after it's cooked? That is beyond freaky! (I assumed thread was about before cooking, which is odd enough in itself)

Sorry

There's nothing wrong with being a loner, as long as you're happy with it, of course it's fine.

Oh, forgot to say, sometimes yes, people do stop asking (and I get why). But my good friends understand.

"Oh, forgot to say, sometimes yes, people do stop asking (and I get why). But my good friends understand."

I get the same.

OK literally I am a loner. I have no friends. I am happy though.

Then it's fine, really. If you are happy, you are very lucky.

Being a loner is never bad...

...until...

you do something wrong, usually gun related then "Oooh she was a right loner she was!" Opprobrium is heaped. C'est la vie!

Y'know, most of the time I think I prefer to be alone, and avoid situations where I'd have to socialise, e.g. recently I declined an evening meal out with colleagues, also declined a morning tupperware party type thing with other mums, declined a social thing at the school and most other things like this, but whenever I do make the effort I usually do enjoy myself, so I have mixed feelings about this. When I told my FIL I'd declined the meal with colleagues he was stunned (it was a free 7 course meal with wine tasting and transport to/from event), he said 'you only live once'. I suspect he's right and I should have gone, I'm sure I prob would have enjoyed it, but on balance I think I'd prefer a quiet evening in with the DC. 'Tis a balancing act. Either way is OK, but may I be so bold to suggest you should just try to make sure you're not getting stuck in a depressed rut, and perhaps just try a little more socialising, as a one off or something, to make sure you're happy with your lifestyle choices, and that you're not missing out.

frownieface i could have written that post. bf dogs and a loner.
my lonerness is possibly less of a choice as iv moved to a town where i know noone but spend my days by myself just pottering and enjoy myself.
i must say i do get very lonely but i havent wanted to go out and make friends yet. my bf is my friend so when he is here we have a ball.
iv had a hard time with friends recently and made the choice to say goodbye.
i lost alot 99% of friends whilst in a bad relationship and think iv lost faith in the whole friend thing.
thanks for the rant

That's a good point Mandy. But working on the same principle, if you're bubbly and full of life, something dreadful will happen to you. AT least we're in control

Frownieface, if you're happy then why not?

Alana it's freaky isn't it?

I enjoy spending my days pottering around, not really doing anything much!

seriously frownieface we have the same life :o

I saw an interview with Anthony Hopkins, and he went into detail about being a loner, the same as he describes it in the text here
It really struck a chord with me.
I like people, and can have a really good laugh at work, but really can't be bothered to go out socialising. DH works abroad from time to time, and if I'm off for a few days, and have contact with no-one for 4-5 days apart from a phone call or two , it really doesn't bother me. Being bullied very young is possibly a factor in that from a young age, I was very self sufficient emotionally. I like my own company, and really wish I had more hours in the day to do all the things I want. Read, do arty crafty things, watch films, doing some voluntary work and telephone counselling a couple of times a month. I like coming on here, reading what people have to say about different things, sometimes joining in.
If I wanted to go out 4-5 times a week, I could, but I'm incredibly picky about people I want to spend time with. I can't bear negative people who constantly complain about the smallest things. And I don't like those who bitch about others in an attempt to make themselves appear superior.
I like pottering around and I'm 100% happy to do that. I don't need the attention of others to feel good about myself.

So OP, good on ya! If you can tell yourself you're happy, and you treat others with respect, the only person you have to justify yourself to, is yourself.

Lots of people like being surrounded by friends, good on them too! No one is right, no one is wrong. YOU are the most important person in your life, and to know what ticks your boxes, and live your life accordingly is the biggest thing you can do for yourself!

Oh god I miss pottering

I'm incredibly social, but I love having the house to myself at the same time. Just to read, watch whatever I want...bliss!

I love to be alone, just reading or watching TV or existing, however I do get lonely at times. I think being lonely is when you don't have the option to socialise, I do like other people but don't have any friends etc .I have 3 children so both my alone time and socialising time are almost non existent.

I stay up late at night to counteract the alone time thing, the socialising thing though .

I'm an introvert (according to all the psychological tests) but am energised by contact with people - so explain that! I'm glad to get away from them all at the end of the day though.

Not at all if you're happy.

I have a fabuloud DH (who does not rinse his mince but now I kind of wish he did) and two DD's and altgough I wouldn't be without them for anything, I relish my time alone. Novels, internet browsing, magazines, , a bubble bath or even pottering around and thinking by myself.

Unfortunately, I don't get enough time alone wgich is why I'm awake at 1:25am on my phone!

I have few friends by choice and I have many acquaintances who are always happy to do something should I ask.

If you're happy, it is not a bad thing.