To be fuming with my husband for thinking that 'something in wrong' with our DS?

[Swarski]

My DS aged 7 has always struggled to concentrate, but mostly does well at school. He is very good at reading (free reader) and average at maths. His handwriting is not great and he struggles to get his ideas down on paper.

He is sociable and has lots of friends and regularly gets asked to play at others houses. He has a really active imagination and is always inventing stories and makes very complex structures out of paper and sellotape to support his stories.

However, the teacher asked to talk to me after school as he has been annoying the other children by making funny noises in class and has been rude a couple of times. I went in to speak to her and he apologised and promised to try and behave.

My husband is convinced that there is something wrong with him - like ADHD, and says that I am 'in denial' and deal with him all wrong - molly coddleing him and not telling him off when he is naughty!!

I am fuming and think that he is just a normal 7 year old with an active imagination and a lovely character...I am being unreasonable to expect my DH to also see him like this?

I do think your DS sounds like a pretty "normal" 7 year old boy, although with just this bit of info it is hard to make an informed decision.

Having said that, my DS1 has mild ASD and he does make noises without realising it, make complex structures out of anything & sellotape, has primary level handwriting & has trouble getting his fabulously creative ideas down on paper. Maybe your DH has read somewhere that these things can be "signs" of a learning disorder & that is what he is getting at?

From my experience, if your DS did have ASD or something similar it would have become an issue before the age of 7. If these are the first concerns that anyone has had with him, I would imagine that everything is fine.

You may have dyslexia confused but only because its very complicated. As a dyslexic who can read very well and did from an early age but whos comphrehension is unbelievably poor I know the difference in being able to read and understanding whats being read iyswim? And making myself understood is difficult and frustrating too. Both verbally and written.

You can tell your DH its not stopped me from doing my degree whist raising a child alone.

Its a condition not a label that answers all problems. You still have to learn to cope.

I totally agree with your sentiment of accepting him for being different.

swarski - yes, sorry, my 'hmm' face was indeed at your DH!

I agree it could be he has some dyspraxic symptoms.

I would also say, diagnosis from a qualified person would look at all the possibilities, so you don't need to worry 'is it dyslexia/dyspraxia/something unnamed but interesting' - they'd tell you what his profile was. It could also maybe be something muscular - some people just find it harder to hold a pen, that sort of very basic thing?

He sounds like a really nice, normal child ... your DH, OTOH ...

He fits about 50% of the dyspraxia symptoms, but is the complete opposite of the other half. Now completely confused! Not sure the GP would be any help- any other options for assessment?

GP would refer to peadiatrician. They would assess and involve any other agencies and ask school what their outlook on it is.

If the school don't have a problem chances are there isn't one iyswim?

Only an assessment would tell that - I would think pead would refer to educational psychologist if they felt it necessary.

Your GP would not get involved in diagnosing your DS. They would refer you on to a specialist who would be able to give you a better picture of what, if anything, might be the problem.

My DS does not fit any particular "box" perfectly, having symptoms/traits of several different things & from other parents of children with SN I know, this seems to be quite common.

An educational psychologist can assess, I think it's around 300 at the cheapest at the moment, though.

If you google British Dyslexia Association (or try and see if you have a local DA), they may be able to advise you better. I imagine even if someone on this thread is qualified to assess, they can't do it without seeing your DS.

I just wonder though ...would you be bothered about it on your own, or is this because of your DH?

The main reason that I don't think that he is dyslexic is that his reading comprehension is v good and that he can write v neatly if he chooses to- may be more an issue of motivation than concentration. Most of the time he chooses to write 'big' as he puts it, but when he wants to can write neater than I can!

Will look into the dyspraxia though as half the symptoms are him absolutely, but other half are opposite. He finds PE v hard and took a long time (5 years old) to rise a bike without stabalisers.

X posts there! I totally agree that if school don't have a problem then there probably isn't one. All children are naughty sometimes.

But would you be wondering about any of this if his dad weren't? I mean ... yes, maybe he is dyspraxic, or maybe he just doesn't care for PE/biking?

LRD - I have no concerns about DS, it is my DH (who sees him only at weekends as he gets home after children in bed in week) who thinks he 'needs medical attention'.

I genuinely love the fact that he is a bit 'quirky' - his imagination is amazing and he challenges me in a good way every day.

teacher sees no problems and mother sees no problems - I think those are the two prime people in terms of early dx of behavioural disorders so I would leave it

agree with Humphrey and others - sounds reasonable for your husband to have concerns, but unreasonable for him to assume that strictness would magically cure any underlying issues/mild SEN.

He sounds lovely.

I guess I just feel sad for him that his dad is saying things that have you wondering about testing him for something when, from your account, he is pretty happy.

I mean, tests are great if you're really sad or struggling, but I can't see what it would do to make his dad back off, can you explan?

I think your lad sounds fab. I find that a lot of parents struggle if they don't find their own strengths and weaknesses are mirrored in their children and tend to assume that there is some sort of problem. No they're just not a clone.

This has a slight edge for me as my DH still suffers from having always had a strained relationship with his Dad who just couldn't relate to him being quiet and not laddish and into football, unlike his brother. It's taken him 30 years to work through the endless desire to show people around him that he is not odd just because he's mildly geeky. Can your DH not see that everyone, including close relatives, are different?

Can only think that it is because he is different from DH. I have had other , unrelated disagreements with DH recently because he does not want to socialise with people who are not 'his sort of people'. I am really struggling with this as I have always had a wide range of friends from all sorts of backgrounds and my best friend is someone who is completely different from me.

I have been with DH for 12 years and this has never been an issue until this past year. He definitely favours DD, who is similar to him- v academic and sporty and rule bound.

I love both DC's equally, but value their differences- guess I am just gutted that DH feels differently..

His teacher reckons there's nothing tom worry about, though. Does that not satisfy his dad?

DH once told me that dd wasn't normal and should see a behavioural psychologist. He nagged for quite a while about it - several months. I told him to arrange it then. Needless to say I never heard another word.

She was two, by the way. Just starting on the tantrumming etc. He just wouldn't believe that it was normal!

Jux- have just told DH that I am happy for DS to see someone about his concentration problems- with the proviso that he arranges it

If it was Dyspraxia, it would be very mild.. my dyspraxic DS2 has only just learnt to ride a bike at 13...His teacher spotted a possible problem at 5 yrs old because he couldn't sit still, or catch a ball.

If the teacher has no concerns, why not get your DH to have a chat with her, maybe she can put his mind at rest?

Good solution!

It'd be especially rotten for you to have to sort all this out when you don't think it's an issue.

Best of luck with it and for your DS.

Dont worry about his handwriting, my 23 year olds is disgusting and not even legible, he has just graduated with a first in Maths.

Your boy sounds normal to me, my kids never liked football, some don't. Encourage his good points, and pull him on the bad.

Thanks for ll the advice.

Jellycat- great idea, will arrange for DH to talk to teacher. He has missed last 2 parents evenings due to work commitments.

Good luck - hopefully a little 'professional' reassurance will go a long way, and all will then be well in the Swarski household.

seriously swarski the more I read this the more I think don't worry. As I've said your DS sounds just like mine and I descibe him as quirky. My brother often says he needs to man up.

Maybe this is a tough guy thing and there probalem opposed to the DS'?