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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 sets of twins - all siblings - 1 invite = 4 children!

82 replies

pingu2209 · 21/06/2011 15:55

There is are a set of twins my ds is at school with. Whilst only 1 is in his class, I know that my ds plays with both of the brothers at playtime. He wants to invite both to his party.

However, the boys have younger brothers - another set of twins less than 18 months younger than them. The mum will bring them all, she always does.

My ds is inviting practically everyone in the class - about 22 out of 27. Even this is a squeeze as I didn't want to invite more than 20 children.

I feel for their mother - can you imagine 4 boys under 2! However, I really don't want 4 places taken up by 1 invite. Is it unreasonable not to invite the twins at all?

OP posts:
aliceliddell · 21/06/2011 17:02

Agree that The Forgotten Five are a bit of an issue. Oh, go on, you've got loads of kids coming anyway...

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 21/06/2011 17:48

This post is very familiar. Is this the second time you have posted this question?

FlubbaBubba · 21/06/2011 17:54

What WhoAteMyKnickers Wink said - let her leave the invited twins but say no to siblings.

oops - just seen your post above - yes, say no to siblings (but possibly add a 'sorry' in front of it!)

I've done a 'sorry no siblings' thing in the past, and although I got a few funny comments, vast majority understood.

Good luck

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/06/2011 18:08

Given its not lack of space, the five left out will be very sad and wondering what they have done not to get an invite. To exclude 5 from a whole class party is mean.

As others have said, there are lots of posts on here alone from upset parents where just a few are excluded. If money is tight, then you could have just done half the class or all and not done party bags.

LittleMissFlustered · 21/06/2011 18:16

If I've ever had to take younger child to a party that is out of the way (usually at play barns, am single so no childcare) I buy a ticket, we leave older child doing party stuffs and we get on with a bit of fun of our own. Would never crash unless requested to. Good luck OP, must be a nightmare.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/06/2011 18:38

Have the invites been given out? If not, I'd suggest you give the invite(s) to the twins' mum and explain your position, or find occasion to have a face to face with her

I'd say something along the lines of much as I'd love to invite all FOUR of your dcs unfortunately I've had to restrict the numbers because of cost so the invitation is limited to x & x and (jokey smiley face) I'm sure you won't want to be lumbered with having to buy FOUR presents for your dcs to give my ds.

You never know, if she's desperate for a couple of hours of 'me' time she may offer to make a donation to the cause, or she may offer to help out at the party/do some baking/provide some food and this may enable you to invite the 5 left out children who may well be wondering what's wrong with them.

In any event, I'm sure you could stretch your planned food to cater for an extra 5 littlies, but even if you have to buy additional supplies it surely wouldn't amount to much more than £1 a head?

As for cost of party bags, unless they've already acquired undesirable habits from their dps, I doubt that children under 7 will be judging the contents of a goodie bag - a couple of items from a £ shop and possibly a balloon should suffice.

If you're holding the party at a weekend the little darlings will be departing with their dps and are unlikely to compare notes when they all meet up at school on Monday morning.

As you're not going to be short of space, and as there may well be some children who are unable to attend, I urge you to reconsider and invite the 5 classmates who have been left off the guest list if only because you'll sleep better for it.

HansieMom · 21/06/2011 18:41

seems very unkind to invite 22 out of 27. It can't cost much more for those five. Just water down the juice (better anyway), buy simpler food. Probably a few kids won't come anyway. I'm sure you wouldn't want your so to be one of just a few not invited.

thegruffalosma · 21/06/2011 18:42

Leaving 5 out is awfully mean - unless there are bullying issues or something. Imagine being one of those 5 kids when all their classmates are talking about it Sad . If you can't afford the whole class you could let your child choose 10 or so kids from the class (then you could invite the twin and 3 brothers if he would want them all to come). If your DS isn't bothered about the other brothers coming and you don't want to stipulate 'no siblings' it won't look like so much of a snub if nearly all the kids aren't going.

ChristinedePizan · 21/06/2011 18:48

On a related issue, do you think it's mean to invite 15 out of 16 girls in a class to a party? Friend did this on the grounds that girl 16 didn't invite her DD to her party therefore it was justified but I thought it was really mean.

I'd go for no siblings on the invite btw

CheerfulYank · 21/06/2011 18:50

No siblings- YANBU.

5 not invited- YABU.

cordyblue · 21/06/2011 18:54

Why on earth are you giving party favours to siblings? Or feeding them? That's one cost you can get rid of even if they do come.
I guess it depends on whether or not you want the children there who don't have a parent at home to leave siblings with. My DH works every weekend or example, if I want to take one child to a party the other HAS to come too. I'd never just bring them in though. I always ask, and never allow them to eat the party food, or join in unsuitable activities. For example, a soft play party I'd pay the extra entrance fee, buy and eat food for the siblings apart from the party room, and never expect a party favour for the sibling or even a piece of cake, unless expressely forced to!
Agree entirely that not inviting 5 out of the class immensely unfair and surprised there's not guidelines given at your school. At DD's, you are advised to invite one or two, just girls/boys or the whole class, nothing inbetween.
FWIW, on almost every occasion I've been made to accept the sibling being included in parties. And in return I put on every party invitation we have "siblings warmly welcomed" and we have a ball. But clearly, that's not for everyone.

SauvignonBlanche · 21/06/2011 18:58

Seems mean to me to invite 22 out of 27! Hmm

unfitmother · 21/06/2011 19:00

I can't believe you're inviting nearly all the class except 5 - that's rotten.

Original poster
pingu2209 · 21/06/2011 19:05

Do you know, I can honestly say I hadn't given any thought to the 5 not coming, just worrying about the 2 younger brothers.

It was nothing personal and no issues re bullying or not liking them/their parents etc. I just said to my ds "invite 20 children and no more". He just pushed and pushed for the 2 additional ones. I hadn't thought about the other 5 because he didn't mention them. I have a feeling they are girls and he is more of a boys boy - although he has invited some girls.

I could stretch to 5 more.

OP posts:
TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 21/06/2011 19:10

So you could stretch to 5 more ......

Sorry, getting confused as to why you couldn't stretch to more for the twins!

CheerfulYank · 21/06/2011 19:16

It's sort of the principle of the thing I'd think...

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 21/06/2011 19:18

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1189094-not-to-invite-mum-with-2-sets-of-twins

So what did you do about the BBQ?

unfitmother · 21/06/2011 19:22

Hooray for the forgotten five!

LadyInPink · 21/06/2011 19:22

Because they are siblings TheseThingsAreGoodThings and if they come then all the other parents would be put out their other DC aren't invited.

Great you can stretch to the 5 other classmate DC but you are under no obligation for the younger twin siblings.

DD wasn't invited to a party last month but we still invited that girl because we invited all the girls in the class and didn't want her to be left out (DD party is this Sat)

Good luck with the party OP Smile

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 21/06/2011 19:25

Still curious to know what happened at the BBQ!

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 21/06/2011 19:33

I think its more unfair to the other 5 classmates than the extra set of twins :( Especially since you are not paying per head at the venue!

Original poster
pingu2209 · 21/06/2011 19:33

Yes Cheerful, it is totally the principle. I don't even know the younger twins names! I have a problem with anyone bringing siblings to a party when they are not invited. It is just doubly taking the piss if they bring 2 siblings, be them twins or not.

As for inviting 16 out of 17 girls in a class, I think that is cruel. I think it is worse if it is girls too, girls tend to be bitchy in a way boys are not. As long as afterwards you can run and kick a ball in the playground, all is forgiven with boys.

Thesethings - yes this is exactly the same. I did not invite them to the BBQ. I think the mum is standoffish with me because I am friends with someone and she is friends with someone - our two respective friends really don't like each other. My friend was her friend's landlady and she had them evicted for not paying the rent for months on end. Her friend has been telling people my friend threw them out on the streets even though there were children etc.

A way of building bridges would be to invite her brood, but to be frank I think her attitude stinks. She is all 'poor me' I have it so tough. And because she is like that she thinks it is totally acceptable to bring along all 4 boys to any event. However, other mums then help to look after the boys, along with their own child.

OP posts:
Original poster
pingu2209 · 21/06/2011 19:37

Thesethings - it is not the same family by the way - this is a different family.

In my ds2's year in his class of 27 there are 4 sets of twins!!!!!! In my dd's class of 24 there are 5 sets of twins!!!!! Holy Moly!

Can you believe how many more twins there are around? I put is down to people having children later, which alone increases the chances of twins. However, also older mums have a greater likelihood of needing IVF.

OP posts:
youarekidding · 21/06/2011 19:40

There was an article in a newspaper recently aout a school having something like 11 sets of twins. Shock

As you were!

stillstanding · 21/06/2011 19:44

So glad that you are going to invite the Forgotten Five, pingu!

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