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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the bf flash mob thing that is happening on Friday is a bit smug?

354 replies

Piggyleroux · 20/06/2011 19:26

I bf my 15 mo ds and found bf quite straightforward from the off. I am aware that I was extremely lucky and I know a lot of women really struggle with it. I am also aware that bfing rates in this country are among the lowest in europe.

However, I think bfing needs to be normalised and I feel that this demonstration only serves to sensationalise bfing and imo, make the women taking part seem a bit smug and 'look at me' iyswim and just make people who ff feel even more shit.

Wouldnt it be better for bfing women to openly bf in public rather than do a mass gathering on one day? It really doesn't sit ring with me and I don't think that it will change attitudes or help women who really struggle with bfing.

Aibu?

OP posts:
MilaMae · 21/06/2011 19:16

100% mommy milk,some people just have waaaaaay too much time on their hands.Could you imagine actually going to the drawer and self righteously sticking one on each and every bottleConfused.

Hmmm perhaps I should make some stickers and stick them on the cakes I make for the dc's packed lunches-"100% mummy made".God I'd quite rightly be run off the school premises.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:19

OOOh MilaM its oozing the "I am better than you nah nah nah nah nah" mentality. I don't know any of my friends who bf who would wear such rubbish.

MilaMae · 21/06/2011 19:31

I don't either Piglet,I really don't. They just bf end of.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:34

Must be very insecure about themselves that they have to boast about it.

RitaMorgan · 21/06/2011 19:36

"I'm A Tit Man" - how inappropriate is that for a baby's t-shirt?

I quite like the "I let my parents sleep in the big bed with me" one though Grin

wellamI1981 · 21/06/2011 19:37

To be honest I am smug about breastfeeding. I am so lucky that it's been straightforward for me in terms of no sore nipples/infections but that's not to say it's not been a real challenge at times - DS won't take a bottle of expressed milk so it's all on me. The sleep deprivation has driven me to insanity at points.

When I feel like I've gone out of my way to stick to something that I know is best for my baby aren't I entitled to feel a bit smug? Ive had PND and terrible anxiety and panic attacks so it's something positive that I can cling to. However being smug does not mean I judge women who choose/need to FF. Why would I? Their business not mine.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:37

that is funny Rita I hate the formula reference ones and the ever so smuggy smug ones.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:39

wellam there's being smug and there is being proud of yourelf. I think that you mean that you were proud of yourself.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:41

Yes you have a right to be proud of yourself to bf too right, but being smug implies that one is better than anybody else. And to me buying those tacky products is a bit smug tbh

wellamI1981 · 21/06/2011 19:41

In the north east (where I live) 'smug' is said quite lightheartedly to mean proud. So yes I'd agree. I openly tell people I'm smug about it and they are happy for me.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:43

Oh right, here I'm south it has a rather negative connotation, means that one is better than anybody else. And those nasty products do fulfill that criteria. Sorry things like that do set me off on a rant Smile

sungirltan · 21/06/2011 19:43

lactivist is a very useful resource of up to date articles, research and discussion about bf. if you dont want a bf sticker dont buy one. i dont know any mums either who have been hassled for bf in public BUT mums especially young ones come to our latch on group and stress about feeding in public. we publish lists of bf friendly venues around the city too because is NECESSARY!

'I'm biased, but I wish in particular there was more support for BF after a CS, as you're probably more likely to have problems and also not be physically able to go out to groups etc when you go home.' - i had a cs and dd latched on immediately and fed for 12 months. i went to groups too. thats not to say i'm not sympathetic to mums who have but i dont like this culture of expectation of problems with bf - its counterproductive.

us bf find eachother and stick together. bf is at times stressful and physically arduous - we want to acheive it so we talk to eachother about and wider bf issues too. sometimes we go a bit further because bf is a public health issue and we care about babies beside our own. get over it.

sungirltan · 21/06/2011 19:45

'"I'm A Tit Man" - how inappropriate is that for a baby's t-shirt?' - why on earth is this inappropriate? only if you only associate breast with sex. this is kind of the point of the slogan.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:45

sungirltan I am just referring to the products which some are Hmm and do put those who ff down which is not good and does not promote bf imo

MilaMae · 21/06/2011 19:47

Wellam we've all had tough times and every one of us will have something to feel smug about on the parenting journey at some point.I had PND too but even though I do a lot well I just don't feel smug-ever. My crapness in other areas soon makes you appreciate that one woman's success is another woman's misery(probably through no fault of their own).

As you say a lot is down to luck. Sleeping,eating,success at school-a lot is due to genetics,some will be due to circumstances,some personality.I don't think smuggery should come into it at all.Motherhood isn't a competition.

For some reasons lactivists think their smuggery is ok,it isn't.If we all walked around with stickers,slogans and diid flash mobs for everything we do well in the mothering stakes we'd all look a complete bunch of loons.

Piglet I firmly believe a lot of the shite sold on that site is to boost the egos of mothers who feel less than confident in other areas of mothering.

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:49

That's right Mila yes Tit is a derogatory word for breasts imo and the slogan have a sexual overtone to it

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 19:51

Not everyone ff out of choice, its not as simple as that! A lot of women don't get the right support, they have to ff for health reasons, mental health problems

wellamI1981 · 21/06/2011 19:55

I personally would not take part in a bf flashmob or buy into to stickers or baby grows but I can and will feel smug about bf. Its been bloody hard work. Why would anyone have a problem with me feeling that way? I'm not judging anyone else and feel - no know - that I've not been as successful in other areas of motherhood so far.

sungirltan · 21/06/2011 19:58

i dont think much thats out there promotes ff - though not for want of trying. its horses for ocurses surely - some media attracts some people - it cant be all the same. fwiw i have never ever seen any lactivist stuff in public and i find it a bit twee - the 100% mummy milk one especially. for one who would dilute bm, 2 the 'mummy' part and 3 the 'milk' part - not going to be blood or wee in ab baby's bottle is it? its as if we still can't deal with the word breast. just breast with no sexual connotations - breast to mean body part which provides baby milk. sad isn't it really :-(

meanwhile why shouldn't bf feel smug proud? bf is hard! keeping it up for 12+ months is hard. ff is not hard! (yes yes there are many other challenges to parenting but you cannot claim that ff is physically arduous)

realise this post is a bit rambling - sort of agree with other posters on some things - sort of don't.

wellamI1981 · 21/06/2011 19:58

Yes piglet - I agree with you there. I had fantastic support in hospital and simply wouldn't have managed without it.

dreamingbohemian · 21/06/2011 19:59

Sungirl, well, lucky you, that's great you didn't have any problems. I did and I got NO support, and was told to just go find some BF groups in my neighbourhood, even though I couldn't even walk down the stairs yet.

I'm not saying we should lead women to expect problems but I'd like to see a little more sensitivity toward women who have had a CS or any other complications, just recognising that it may be harder for them to access community services.

bibbitybobbityhat · 21/06/2011 20:00

MilaMae
I am very interested in your hardline anti-McDonald's position vs your "formula feeding is not an inferior choice" stance.

If you are so sure that it is within a parents remit to choose whether or not to bf or ff their child, why do you have such a problem with the parents choosing to buy the child the occasional beefburger when they are older?

pigletmania · 21/06/2011 20:04

I totally agree with being proud to have bf so you should, just don't like the merchandise thats all, each to their own I guess Smile

dirgeinvegas · 21/06/2011 20:05

I think anytime bf is shown it reduces the "shock" factor and thats what normalises it. I don't think it needs to be shown in "normal" situations (although that should happen too and would be ideal).

I recall being a child and being shocked at seeing two men kiss on tv but I've seen it in RL and on tv (in not very realistic scenarios btw) so many times I am no longer shocked, it's normal.

I also think labelling hundreds of women as smug just for taking part is a bit childish actually.

We're all supposed to be tolerant of ff, live and let live but heaven forbid bf mothers organise a fun event. Tolerance runs out then.

Live and let live should work both ways.

sungirltan · 21/06/2011 20:08

bibitty - where is the mcdonalds comment i'm intriguided?