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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did you get your career back on track after having kids?

88 replies

toptramp · 20/06/2011 17:38

If so am I being unreasonable to think how the hell did you manage it? I'm a single mum and I really miss my career. I have a part time job which I LOVE but the money is shite (minimum wage) and I am thinking I will either go back to teaching or retraiun. I am fed up with being skint and I am so not cut out to be a stay at home mum.

OP posts:

Original poster

toptramp · 21/06/2011 19:11

If i'd waited until my career was extablished I would have had difficulty ttc.Plus there's the thing about finding a suitable father. Sadly by the time I'd got my qualifiactions etc time was running out.

OP posts:

Original poster

toptramp · 21/06/2011 19:13

emsies; a teaching salary isn't THAT bad. And I don't believe in nannies. It's preschool all the way for me. I don't want another women bringing up my dd.

OP posts:

Funtimewincies · 21/06/2011 19:17

Nannies do exist. I've SEEN them!

Maybe you're thinking of elves .

mumblechum1 · 21/06/2011 19:29

funtime.

It's only really going to be possible to stay even vaguely on the career ladder if you use some sort of childcare imo.

InFlames · 21/06/2011 19:30

Went back after 18 weeks after working til 4 days before induction at 38 weeks- pre existing diabetes- used AL to go back part time til 23 weeks, DH working nights at weekend and I now work FT. I'm an academic, continued researching and working while off when DS was napping anyway so stayed in touch. I'm always home in time for bath and bed, and DS wakes at 5ish so get morning too- also make sure weekends are our time not work time. DS thriving and happy, DH loves being at home during week, def not SAHM material tho much respect for anyone who does. Career fully intrack- interview for
Promotion on Monday - DS 27 weeks now, still BF in mornings which is lovely too. Works for us :-)

InFlames · 21/06/2011 19:32

On track even....!!

EnolaAlone · 21/06/2011 19:54

My MIL is now a Headteacher. She had 6 years off work, was a full time primary class teacher before she had kids. She got back to work by doing supply teaching, then managed to get a part time temporary contract, then a part time permanent, then went full time to get promoted to SMT. She then quickly went to Deputy Head, then Head. Took 12 years from supply teaching to Head. The Deputy Head at my DH's school took a similar path - supply, part time, full time, and has now got a Headship. Both used childminders to do school run for their own kids, plus babysitters for parents' evening, evening events, etc.

Original poster

toptramp · 21/06/2011 20:34

some people on mn have long memories funtimes. i know what your referring to! the angel thread perchance?! Yes nannies do exist but the fuck off huge salaries required to pay for them don't always. Unless you have a rich dp of course.

OP posts:

Rob1n · 21/06/2011 21:52

@ MissMarjoribanks "I got pregnant partly to get out of a job I hated."

perrinelli · 21/06/2011 22:02

I am in the public sector and qualified at 22yo, worked full time then went off on mat leave with DD1 aged 26, had a year off. Came back 3.5 days a week a was really pleasantly surprised to still progress at the rate I would probably have done if full time and got two promotions. Just gone off again to have DC2 (have just turned 30).

BUT now have a dilemma as I found 3.5 days pw difficult enough with a stressful job (and all house stuff, bath bedtime etc is down to me in the week as DH works long hours) so not sure I will manage with 2 DCs, and DD1 is about to start school so not sure how people do the whole short day, school holidays thing, and want to feel I'm 'there' for her when she starts as she does seem to find change quite difficult. Not sure about going back, or may ask for an additional few months unpaid leave so I wouldn't go back until DD1 is settled in Reception.

I'm just trying to think that I'm lucky I'm in a profession where people successfully keep going into their 50s/60s so maybe having had kids fairly young I just need to accept it won't be my priority for a few years, then I will get back into it when they're older and more independent and have bags of time to focus on career.

But I do also wonder if I'll probably feel they need me more emotionally as they get older and whether I'll ever want to work full time again!

ManicMother7777 · 22/06/2011 08:03

I'm a school governor and I've been involved in the appointment plenty of teachers. IME career breaks, children etc are never seen as a barrier, even for management positions. Ability to teach is what matters (plus leadership skills if a management position).

Funtimewincies · 22/06/2011 13:05

toptramp. I could never afford a nanny but each to their own.

BrandyAlexander · 22/06/2011 14:31

I wouldn't want you teaching my dd TopTramp if you believe that the only way a woman can afford a nanny is to have a rich dp. Urgh.

Funtimewincies · 22/06/2011 15:44

If you read toptramps post properly novice, you'll find that's not what she said. In case you're still missing it she pointed out that, while nannies are real, the sort of salaries needed to even contemplate this type of childcare are largely works of fiction. Therefore, for most people who choose/have to work, it's a battle to match working hours to the available childcare, where phoning up the nanny and saying 'I'm going to be late home tonight' isn't an option.

biryani · 22/06/2011 16:57

op - could you consider supply teaching? I have, but mainly as a stopgap/ in desperation. The pay is OK, and it may suit you if you want to go back to teaching proper eventually. It isn't for me, as it's still too sporadic and unpredictable - and the paperwork is a faff - it may work for you, though.

BrandyAlexander · 22/06/2011 18:50

funtime, yes I did read her post properly thank you very much. As a teacher with an influence on the next generation of women coming into the workforce I would want her to say that nanny is largely not an affordable childcare option for most people unless you have built up the kind of career that pays enough money to afford a nanny. I was appalled that instead of this she said that a nanny is mostly not an affordable childcare option unless, in the OPs words, "Unless you have a rich dp of course."

basingstoke · 22/06/2011 18:58

I had 5 years out and went back to do a maternity leave cover. Two years later I was HoD (core subject). It's do-able. You need childcare, ambition and a love of the job.

novice - the only way a teacher can afford a nanny is to have a rich DP. Can't see any issue with that!

minipie · 22/06/2011 19:04

toptramp

"I am so not cut out to be a stay at home mum"

"I don't believe in nannies. It's preschool all the way for me. I don't want another women bringing up my dd."

Maybe if you're not cut out to be a SAHM, then it would be better if someone else (who is better at looking after children all day) does look after your DD?

Leaving aside the obvious point that if you send your DD to pre-school then someone else will be looking after her exactly as if you had a nanny...

OneHelluvaBroad · 22/06/2011 19:09

I was promoted to my 'dream job' - the one I had been working towards throughout my twenties - when pregnant with my first child. It wasn't a dream once I'd had my baby, and I left after a year or so.

I've tried a few different avenues since then, including staying at home with the kids full-time, a less demanding full-time job and term-time only working. I am about to jack it all in to set up my own business from home. It's quite daunting and scary, but I need something that can be a bit more flexible.

I will honestly never enjoy commuting or slaving away for a company again.

Funtimewincies · 22/06/2011 19:11

I agree Basingstoke, you can have had a successful career before children, be pretty well near the top of your profession and still not be able to afford certain types of childcare.

Bugger, I knew that I should have got myself a rich dh, but it wasn't on the careers list .

MrsFruitcake · 22/06/2011 19:23

I worked as a PA before the children. Worked for M&S and Sainsbos in the evenings while they were babies/younger, because it fitted in with DH's work schedule when he was office based. When DS (now 3) was 1 and DD was 5 (now 7) , I went back to work in an office doing customer support (not really what I wanted to do) with my Mum as childcare as it felt like a foot back on the ladder and we needed the cash.

Last year I got a job as a receptionist but it was very much admin based - I found out a few weeks ago that I've been offered a job as Secretary, which is more my background and 'comfort zone'. Again, I will be relying on my Mum for childcare, but I am lucky in that DH works from home so we can be flexible. It's been a bit of a slog, but after 7 years, I am pleased my career seems to be back on track.

I don't feel as if I've made sacrifices. I was earning a very good living before I had the kids and have done some pretty crap jobs since (Sainsburys being a low point) but I love my kids and they need me less now so it feels right.

emsies · 22/06/2011 20:45

SO has anyone succeeded that isn't in a paying-a-nanny level job (most people presumably) or have a home or flexible working partner or parents on hand for childcare?

It just seems that those who have managed seem to have a lot of things that I don't have wibble.

AlsoAvailableSober · 22/06/2011 20:52

I don't have a nanny, at home partner or family on hand. As i said above I use a combination of childminder, preschool, babysitter and friends. I have used an adhoc nanny when the above have failed!

basingstoke · 22/06/2011 20:56

I have no nanny, a DH who works away a lot, and parents at least 2 hrs drive away. I do have friends in a similar situation with whom I swap favours, and my DC's school has a breakfast and after school club.

LittleCatZ · 22/06/2011 21:13

I went back to work when ds1 was 7 months 4 days a week and managed with dh support despite lack of sleep. Made redundant just after ds2 was born then when he was 7m was approached and got a new job. Now he is about 2 I have fingers crossed for a new job. If you can, study for anything to show you still have a brain and you're committed.

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