Did you get your career back on track after having kids?

[toptramp]

If so am I being unreasonable to think how the hell did you manage it? I'm a single mum and I really miss my career. I have a part time job which I LOVE but the money is shite (minimum wage) and I am thinking I will either go back to teaching or retraiun. I am fed up with being skint and I am so not cut out to be a stay at home mum.

I did, but it never really got off track. Took 10 months leave the first time, 6 the second, back full-time after each with a 4 yr gap and two promotions in between. We needed a nanny and I spent a certain amount of time proving that having kids hadn't altered my commitment to work (which it had, of course, but not totally). BUT my career is a hugely important part of who I am, I love my work, I was miserable and bored on mat leave and frankly see it as an advantage of full-time work that I don't have to sit through sports day or face the school gates on a daily basis. If I felt differently about these things, I'd make very different choices.

I was made redundant after my second ML and then set up on a self employed basis (Accountancy). I now work part time (hours more or less to my choosing) from home and at client sites.

Childcare wise we have no family close and DH is often away so i use a mix of Childminder/Preschool/Babysitter/Ad-hoc nanny and friends. It is a juggle at times, but i love working and it all somehow comes together.

Good luck with finding something which fits in and pays enough

I think it must be a lot easier if you earning enough to pay a nanny! Sadly teaching salary doesn't quite cut that!

I'm a single mum too and my career had never really taken off before I had DC as I had them when I was 19 and 21. I was a SAHM for six years, then retrained by going back to college and university as a mature student. There was a lot of financial support for me as a lone parent, with extra grants and benefits, plus childcare paid and they were at school by then.

I found a graduate job in finance shortly after I graduated and after a couple of years I started an MA in the evenings. It took two years to finish that and I found work in a related field within a few weeks of finishing my thesis.

I work FT hours but do some work from home and my hours are mostly flexible, so I can attend some school meetings and events. Both children are at secondary now though so they are more independent.

1. Made decisions early on in career to enable me to work part time (I work 3 days). I am an ccountant and made decisions to enable me to work in-house in roles that wouldn't be too time sensitive.
2. Waited until career was well established before having any DC - I worked for 8 years before DD was born and climbed career ladder in this time, so that I could afford good childcare.
3. Showed willing etc by only taking 6 months off each maternity leave.
4. Very supportive DH who can leave on time on the rare occasion I have to stay late.

DH is a SAHP

And I have very supportive colleagues.

Got offered my 'breakthrough' job when pregnant with my first, took short maternity leave, both times. My career has actually got better since having kids, my 20's were a bit of a 'lost decade'... was not a single parent when I had my kids, but am now.

Work full time hours with some flexibility, have developed the ability to say no to things are not necessary.

I did - but I only had 12 weeks off with my son (through necessity, not choice). It's really hard, and despite being much older, experienced and better qualified now - if I am lucky enough to have another, I will be back as quickly again.

I did not to have kids until my career was very established and I was in a senior enough position to dictate terms and utilise flexibility of my company. They need me as much as I want to be there.

I took/am taking less than 6 months ML each time.

I was able to afford a live in nanny which means I have quality time in the morning/evening without having to rush to get them anywhere or pick them up. I also have a cleaner so I am not spending my non-work time doing housework.

However, much as i am a stickler for leaving work on time, I do at least an hour in the evenings and if necessary am up early to do an hour before DC are up.

I waited until established in my career before having children. This meant putting in a good few years and getting a couple of promotions under my belt before deciding to try for babies.

I took 6 months maternity leave rather than the Additional leave of a year, partly because this protects you more (if you take a year off you do not maintain the right to your previous post; your employer can offer a comparable one on same pay-I have known a few women fall foul of this ). Even without that factor, I would probably have taken just 6 months leave anyway, as psychologically I think I stayed in the right mindset to return fairly smoothly. Colleagues who have taken a full year off seem to get into a totally different 'zone' where they find it very hard to return sometimes.
I negotiated a part time (3.5 days) contract, but worked hard to make myself as indispensable as possible, and also maintained some flexibility- eg I was prepared to swap over my work days if there was a really important meeting which could not be resheduled, even if it was tricky sometimes with childcare.
Once my youngest child was 4, I stepped back up to full time, but then renegotiated part time when my eldest was approaching secondary school as I believed this was another period of time when I needed to be at home a little more. I have had another promotions since then. The key is to get yourself well established on the terms the employer wants, and then changing to part time or flexible hours is a lot more likely to be possible.
So yes I feel my career is well on track, so it is possible, even with no family help nearby. The key thing I think is don't give up work completely.'

Teaching part time if you are secondary isn't straightforward. I teach maths and because of the timetable, although I only have a 0.6 contract, I have to be in school, teaching every day. I stay extra hours to get all my planning done in school but still have to take marking home, which I can only start late evening after DS is in bed, which can be tricky to fit in when it's test season. In terms of promotion, they wouldn't give a TLR to a part-timer so I'm a foot soldier unless I go back full time.

Didn't have a career when I had dd - developed it and trained whilst she was a baby.

Went back to work when dd was 3 months (to a new company), worked FT ever since whilst studying for degree, got on the training scheme at work. Didint tell the company I had a baby because I wouldn't have got on the training scheme if I had. Changed jobs frequently, got a master degree, moved across the country, generally change jobs every 2 years as it is the best way to get more money and go up the ladder.

Very well paid and successful career now, and in an area which I love. My dd is 15 and it took about 10 years slog to get what I would consider a successful career. I would not have a baby now as I cannot imagine going back to all that. However, if I change my mind I would do the same, go back to work FT after 3 months. I think the less break you take the better.

Don't know yet as DS is only 10 months. I'm planning to look for another job (not because of having had DS, because I'm public sector at the moment and my career path has disappeared because of redundancies and restructuring). I'll look for FT work and try to make sure the new employer doesn't know DS exists -then at least if the new job doesn't work out it's not because they're prejudiced against working mothers. I'm in the fortunate position of being able to do that because DH is freelance and can do his work from anywhere, at any time, so is very flexible.

So what does everyone think of a Mum who deliberately leaves a job to have kids and then tries to get a job a few years later? Am I considered unfavourably against others as I sacrificed a career for my children? I had hoped with a teaching position there would be more understanding, but am I naive? I don't want to start an argument, so if your honest answer is "yes" that at least will mean I need to hide my kids from prospective employers.

I have never said that I had children in any job interview - mind you I work in a very male dominated field. I know for certain it would have scuppered my chances in lots of jobs, and I know I would not have got a chance on the training scheme if they knew I had a 9 month old at the time.

That said, I didn't have a large chunk of time where I didn't work, I don't know how you would explain away 3 years say of being a SAHM. Bear in mind though that I had my dd 16 years ago, my attitude worked then but I would hope that in teaching you could confidently say 'I have 3 years off to raise my children' and it wouldn't make any difference.

I am too cynical though to think that it wouldn't set alarm bells ringing in my field of work, however, even nowadays.

I'm a lawyer, but went back to work 3 days a week aftr maternity leave. Stayed at the same firm, in the same group, but changed jobs. I've since had a promotion, and I love it.

I see it more as a way of earning a good salary than a career, I suppose, but that's my choice. I could easily put in more effort and time (and I probably will do as DS grows up) to make it more of a career.

I couldn't do it wiothout help though. As I don't have family that I can call on on a regular basis, we have a wonderful nanny and a great cleaner who does 6 hours a week for us. And it has definitely got easier as DS has got older (he's 3 yo now), as he sleeps better and can communicate better.

Not only would I not mention DS in an interview, I don't wear my wedding or engagement rings either (like GetOrf I work in a very male-dominated field). It's very depressing, but it would make a difference. I'd hope teaching would be better, but I suspect not very much.

Not really - although hopefully it will take off again when the dc are older...

Have been doing what I do for about 20 years but it has only been in the last 5 or so years that it companies have actively embraced the need for my specialism, just after the point that I had dc1. I'd been doing it freelance reasonably successfully for a few years but the combination of having a break and now not being able to accept every contract that comes along because it is school holidays or because I can't get term time childcare, combined with the fact that I now live a bit of a commute out of London has made it very difficult to do much

Hopefully it will get better when both dc are in school or I am going to have to figure out something else to do.

No, not really, it wasn't a career as such but building a reputation as a Painter. I did after DS, and quite successfully to the point I was looking to establish a Studio/Gallery.
But after DD was born (now 8) everything slowly slid out of my control and my whole life imploded.

The last two years have been a bit of a void and I am now trying to work at rebuilding what I had but it is hard and sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel.
It hurts.

"Please can you explain the 3 year gap in your employment record?"
"Certainly Mr Jones. I was serving 5 years at Her Majesty's Pleasure for stealing oodles of cash from my last employer, but was let out early for good behaviour."
"Thank heavens for that. I was worried that you'd had children and your application had slipped through our strict 'weeding out out those slacking, less than 100% committed mothers' proceedure."

I don't think its a case of 'hiding ' children, but neither do you go in shouting about your children at interview!
If you do decide to take time out of the workplace completely, then I think you just need to factor into this decision that it might be tricky to get back in a few years down the line . That doesn't mean employers are prejudiced, just that if you are competing against people already working, then all things being equal, they are bound to have the edge over you in terms of more recent experience

toptramp - I didn't! I gave up my job as a lecturer completely when DD was born, and I haven't been able to get back in. I've always worked in part-time casual jobs for pin money, but I never thought I'd find difficulty getting some kind of reasonable work once dd was older.

In my experience, you have to have a lot of support to be able to manage even a part-time job properly, and only then if have been able to hang on to your job and negotiate your hours down to suit.

The worst thing for me has been the slow decline in confidence and self-esteem. I now feel worthless and overlooked, even though I've got a faultless CV. Like many, I validated myself through work (perhaps too much so!) and found it difficult to adjust to domestic life.

On the plus side: being older (now 50) means that I have had a reasonable career, and was well-established enough financially to take a break. Also, it has meant that I have never needed to struggle with childcare!

It has also meant that I have been able to help others out with their DCs and deal with family issues such as bereavement etc without feeling compromised.

I'm still not sure if I've done the right thing, though! Good luck to you.

Yes, I kept my career going by being self employed

Is that something that your career type could do OP?

I gave up work for 7 years to be a SAHM, then went back part- time for 2 years before returning to full-time. I had the best years of my career in my 40s. Things have gone a bit astray recently, but that is due to a serious illness!

harecare, I can't speak for teaching as I'm not really sure how quickly things change in that arena, there always seems to be new initiatives being announced but how much that impacts on day to day work , I'm not sure. I think the problem is in a lot of careers if you do take a few years out, your knowledge is going to be out of date, I couldn't have gone back to my role if I had been out for more than about 2 years tops. You will be up against candidates who haven't got that gap, their knowledge will be up to date so you may find that your route is to accept a lower position to start off with and work your way back up.