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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder why lesbians go for women that look like men?

453 replies

carriedababi · 19/06/2011 23:19

surely if you fancy women you'd want to go out with a woman that looked like \ woman not a man.
nothing against gay/lesbians at all.

but this seems a bit strange to me

OP posts:
hester · 21/06/2011 22:42

It's really hard. I want to raise my daughters to be strong, assertive individuals - but I also don't want them to be the weird kids at school. It's really hard to get it right. dd1 (5) is obsessed with the Royal Wedding, her mothers' wedding (which we have yet to get round to), cool clothes and wanting to be a teenager [sighs]. I give her her head on all of this (except for being a teenager) but try to keep adding in stuff that doesn't fit the script. Even then.... she got a butterfly kit the other week, and we had great fun watching the caterpillars do their thing. On the day the butterflies hatched, dd exclaimed, "At last, I have babies of my own!" Grin

drivingmisscrazy · 21/06/2011 22:49

that's very cute about the caterpillars - like that bit in Monkey Puzzle where the butterfly can't understand that the monkey's mum looks like him (because his babies don't look like him!) - but she's much too grown up for that book now!

my friend has a theory that kids always decide to be interested in the thing that you find most difficult (so for us it will be clothes, make-up [??], ballet - or theoretical physics). I think the fact that you think about it critically rather than unquestioningly accepting it (or banning it) will stand to her as she gets older. Inculcating self-respect is a huge thing for me - although not sure what the recipe for this is.

lesley33 · 21/06/2011 22:51

Most lesbians I know don't dress very feminine, but don't dress like men either. They wear jeans, trousers, female shirts, blouses, t-shirts, sensible shoes and lots of fleeces.

Some people may see this as dressing like a man, but actually it is just relaxed comfortable clothing. There are very few lesbians who actually dress like a man e.g. shirt and tie.

And lots of them have short haircuts - some lesbian cuts i.e. haircuts popular amongst lesbians, but some not.

I actually don't look like a lesbian. Bobbed hair, smart trousers and blouses is my usual dress. I dress this way because I feel more comfortable like this. But I actually sometimes don't like that I don't look like a lesbian.

If, like my OH,you look like a lesbian you don't get people constantly assuming you are straight. They either thinkyou are a lesbian,or at least think it is a possibility. You get the look of recognition with other lesbians who are strangers that you see out and about. And I do think it is more of a political statemednt to actually look like a lesbian.

hester · 21/06/2011 22:59

Absolutely agree that it is a political statement, lesley, to the extent that I would say that all women owe a debt of gratitude to butch lesbians. (That doesn't mean I think all lesbians - or all women - should look a certain way; I don't make a political statement in my appearance but I do in loads of other ways and I feel fine about that.) But it does rather appal me what women respond to butch women with a 'yuck' rather than a 'thanks for all you are doing to help free all women from the social construct of "woman".'

LeninGrad · 21/06/2011 23:06

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swallowedAfly · 21/06/2011 23:39

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swallowedAfly · 21/06/2011 23:42

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lesley33 · 21/06/2011 23:55

No it does make sense. And good to talk about lesbian identity and appearance with other lesbians.

piperhaven · 22/06/2011 00:05

Obviously, women only turn to lesbianism because they are too ugly to attract men. And ugly women look like men :o

piperhaven · 22/06/2011 00:13

Oh dear. This thread started out attracting cheeky remarks but seems to have turned serious. I was only joking - honest! :(

PS. Only three of the smiley signs actually work :( :) :o

swallowedAfly · 22/06/2011 00:14

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Carminaburana · 22/06/2011 00:23

Lesbians who look like lesbians are the hottest - Y'know if you're gonna do something do it properly - and you can be boyish looking and pretty at the same time -

lesley33 · 22/06/2011 00:25

Yes you can be boyish looking and very pretty.

Carminaburana · 22/06/2011 00:27

Too right - awesome combination

piperhaven · 22/06/2011 00:33

No, they would only be ugly if they were women and looked like men. Obviously men who look like men are not at all ugly. Apart from the short, fat, hairy ones! I think Johnny Depp is 'pretty' and not at all attractive.

piperhaven · 22/06/2011 00:35

Definition of Mumsnet: Somewhere you can have an enjoyable time and don't have to be a Mum. :o

Gay40 · 22/06/2011 00:37

It's a strange one. I pondered this while looking at DP and I today.
DP is very pretty and girly with long hair, but rarely wears a skirt or dress.
I'm neither pretty nor girly but have longer hair and dress like a fat ninja/skater boy. Apparently we do not look like real lesbians. Whatever that means.

Carminaburana · 22/06/2011 00:45

Hmm - It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world...

And my bed is calling for me.

TrilllianAstra · 22/06/2011 08:32

They wear jeans, trousers, female shirts, blouses, t-shirts, sensible shoes and lots of fleeces.

Jeans, trainers, shirts, t-shirts, fleeces - that is exactly how most men dress. It just happens that women can dress that way too.

It's actually pretty hard for a woman to cross-dress, as most male clothing is also made in female shapes/sizes, and often you can buy variants in the "womens" side of the sop that is barely distinguishable from that in the "mens" side of the shop. (thinking non-fitted t-shirts, baggy rather than tight jeans, all fleeces ever)

If a woman were deliberately trying to dress like a man she'd have to make quite a bit of effort to distinguish herself.

lesley33 · 22/06/2011 08:38

I used to see one woman at lesbian do's that did used to dress like a man. She used to wear white shirts, ties and men's smart trousers; whilst her girlfriend wore very feminine dresses. I think thats fine, but IME very very unusual.

sparky246 · 22/06/2011 09:19

i often wear shirt/tie and trousers[more often wearing a tie when im going out though]and a nice bit of aftershave.
what ive found quite interesting though is-sometimes a woman will look at my chest obviously trying to work out if im a man or woman.
men dont tend to do this-they look at further down trying to work out if i have a penis[and theyre not too subtle]!
and gettting back to haircuts-i like mine shaved.
if im lazy ill get someone i know to do it but if i want a better job i go to the barbers.
this guy who does my hair is the only one near me that will do my hair!
theres three other barbers that wont touch it[i got slung out of one barbers]
they dont like it at all!
im wondering if its because i look butch oppposed to boyish[i feel it is]
has anyone else had this problem regarding barbers?[if you go in them]

LeninGrad · 22/06/2011 10:07

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sparky246 · 22/06/2011 10:14

can i ask you please Lenin?why did you start to feel uncomfatable?

LeninGrad · 22/06/2011 11:32

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ilovemydogandMrObama · 22/06/2011 11:38

lenin did your hair still fall out around month 4 after you had your DCs? I have shoulder length hair and it came out in clumps...