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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that its fathers day and not grandfathers day

94 replies

MrsC1977 · 19/06/2011 11:29

My mil bought a fathers day card for my 2 year old to scribble on to give to her grandad. Aibu to understand why she did this. Its fathers day not grandad day

OP posts:

diddl · 19/06/2011 17:56

I think it also depends on the MIL/DIL relationship.

Well also the GC/GF relationship.

It does seem a small thing in some ways, but for the assumption that someone else as well as my child´s father deserved a Fday card from him would piss me off.

I don´t feel that it is up to anyone else to decide who is like a father to my child tbh.

usualsuspect · 19/06/2011 18:11

My grandkids and Dd have just left mine .after a lovely family day

They kids gave their granddad a card and a mug

Maybe I have just an normal odd family

diddl · 19/06/2011 18:24

If people want to do it, fine.

What I find odd in this case is the assumption that OP/her son want to send FIL a Fday card & doing it for them.

takethisonehereforastart · 19/06/2011 19:43

We always sent my grandparents a grandparents card on mothers/fathers day and today I sent my dad a card from LO that LO has scribbled on as well as one from me. Even DH hasn't sent one to FIL this year (long story, long thread somewhere).

I suppose how you feel about it depends on your family traditions in the past and how well you get on with your PILs/own parents.

Did your MIL do this last years as well? Or do you think she expected you to sent one last year from LO (for mothers and fathers day), felt disappointed when you (meaning you and your DH) didn't and took matters into her own hands this time? Do they get cards on mothers and fathers day from their other grandchildren or did they have your DH send cards to his grandparents when he was younger?

FreudianSlipper · 19/06/2011 19:52

what does it really matter, or do you not like your mil. how can it really bother you that much its only a day for retailers to make a bit more money and no doubt her grandfather loved his card

you are being ridiculously unreasonable and childish

ShowOfHands · 19/06/2011 19:55

My MIL bought me a present today. A fucking present. I'm not a father, how dare she. Bitch.

nancy75 · 19/06/2011 19:56

so she bought the card and got your child to write in it. It cost you no time or money and probably made your fil happy and you are annoyed?
I don't understand why you are annoyed. In fact I think you are being quite petty.

ipredicttrouble · 19/06/2011 20:40

Sorry I've not read the whole thread but YANBU. It is Father's Day. Can't stand it when people go OTT on days like this, no need. Both DH & I write our DD's name in cards to our fathers. Think that's enough personally.

diddl · 19/06/2011 21:01

I also write all of our names in.

My husband says he would think his mum was being bonkers to do this.

And that both GFs would be and at getting a Fday card from their GC.

My MIL would love it though.

We are in Germany & she hates it if we are in UK on Mday as I then get two.

CoffeeDodger · 19/06/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twooter · 19/06/2011 21:45

Yanbu.

It just seems a bit weird. Fair enough, if she wanted, and didn't trust you enough to do it, to get a card for your dh to give your Fil. Or is she so wrapped up in being a grandma that the middle generation is no longer important enough

usualsuspect · 19/06/2011 21:47

Theres nothing wrong with being wrapped up in being a grandma

I despair of some of the attitudes towards grandparents on this site sometimes

freddy05 · 19/06/2011 21:48

YANBU It's up to you and your DH what cards your children send and who to and I would go mental at anyone deciding for me that my children should send something.

On DD1's first fathers day, after 4 years of trying for a baby, my MIL arrived at our house with cards and presents for DH that she had bought and written DD's name on because 'I knew you'd forget' !!!! Like hell I'd been waiting four years to do it why would I forget?? I told her to leave my house and take the presents with her and to never sign my childs name anywhere ever again. I excuse my very blunt behaviour by the fact DD was 5 days old and I hadn't slept for a week but I still hold to the fact nobody signs my childrens names but their parents and gifts from my children to their dad will be sorted by me.

I did get an explaniation from her but it only went to illustrate why we have such issues with her. Her MIL had bought her something for mothers day after her first child was born so she thought it was a nice idea to buy her son something on fathers day!! She really couldn't see the difference between her MIL acknowledging her as the new mother in the family and her taking over my role as the mother to my child.

TimeWasting · 19/06/2011 21:56

YANBU, it's fucking annoying. The ILs get us all appropriately named cards at birthday and christmas, so we have 'To our Son and Daughter-In-Law' and a 'To our Grandson', then a 'To My Great-Grandson', 'My Cousin', 'My Brother and Siter-in-law' It must cost a fortune. We get 3 cards from my SIL who's a lone parent on IS and I just want to scream!
Each household I do buy a card for gets 1 card from our family and that's that.

All this Grandfather cards, from the fucking cat cards it's wild commercialism and I for one am not going to fall for it.

JudysJudgement · 19/06/2011 22:02

jeez how many threads did we have on mothers day that husband hadnt gotten them a card and they were having a hissy over it

husband isnt their mother either but that didnt stop them stamping their little princessy feet

PelvicFloor0fSteel · 19/06/2011 22:16

I never knew there was a grandparents day - hallmark need to do a bit more work on that one!

I don't like the over-commercialisation, but it's a nice gesture which will make someone happy, unless FIL is a totally crap GP - get over it! It's homemade cards all the way here but we do send them to grandparents as well.

manicinsomniac · 19/06/2011 23:09

well my children sent their great grandfather a card and present!!

They've never known their father and my dad is dead. So great grandfather is the only father figure they've got.

I don't see the problem in getting them to acknowledge him.

diddl · 20/06/2011 07:30

"YANBU It's up to you and your DH what cards your children send and who to"

I entirely agree with that-& when old enough they can decide themselves.

I´m sure I´ll be called precious, but I love being a mum, I waited some years & I love that I am the only person in the world that my 2 can call that.

I´d actually be upset if someone else was given a Mday card from my two & would feel that it was somehow belittling what I do.

ipredicttrouble · 20/06/2011 20:13

Usualsuspect - I have a fantastic attitude to both sets of my DD's grandparents. We all have great relationships, I appreciate what they do for us and we all love spending time together. However doesn't change my view that DD has one Father and that is who she will send a card to on Father's day.

There will be plenty of other occasions when she will be able to show her grandparents how much she loves them. I know my Dad, in particular, would appreciate far more a random picture or card made by DD for him on any old day of the year . Means more that way.

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