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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that its fathers day and not grandfathers day

94 replies

MrsC1977 · 19/06/2011 11:29

My mil bought a fathers day card for my 2 year old to scribble on to give to her grandad. Aibu to understand why she did this. Its fathers day not grandad day

OP posts:
pointydog · 19/06/2011 11:46

There is no harm to it. The card was singed and handed over. The op just doesn't undertsand why it was done. That's all.

diddl · 19/06/2011 11:49

OP-don´t you like your MIL?Grin

Yanbu-it would piss me off.

MsTeak · 19/06/2011 11:49

His a father, and one without which you wouldn't have a father for your children.

veritythebrave · 19/06/2011 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/06/2011 11:52

It's not about 'cost of the card' or 'what harm' but it is rather pointed, introducing something on a 'what's the harm?' basis could be something that you rue the day over later on...

I think relationships, to a child, are absolute. Parents are parents and grandparents are grandparents. I wonder if some of the grandparents, through childcare' are actually doing a lot of the parenting now?

I would have handed the card to DH and chided him, in front of MIL, that MIL shouldn't have to buy the card for his father, he should have remembered himself. I wouldn't have let DS sign the card but would have suggested that he might like to draw a nice picture for grandfather instead.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/06/2011 11:53

Verity... Now that I do understand, grandad takes a very special place, even more so when the dad isn't good. Making a card is a lovely thing to do. :)

TidyDancer · 19/06/2011 11:57

OP, is your MIL an overbearing nightmare? I can see how, if she is, this could be another level of annoying interference.

But I do think it's nice for the GPs to get cards like this.

diddl · 19/06/2011 12:28

For me it´s a bit of a "boundary" thing.

Like MIL is pretending that her & FIL are the parents.

I arrange Fdays cards for my children to give their father & would be annoyed if someone else did it.

And more annoyed that they organised a Fday card for someone who isn´t their father.

OP-how does your husband feel about it?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 19/06/2011 12:28

YANBU. I find it really bizarre but from the reaction on here it's obviously becoming pretty normal. Great news for retailers. Fathers' Day is for people to give a gift to their father ( or the person that has that role in their life if their biological father doesn't) It's not something I would do or something my parents or grandparents ever did.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 19/06/2011 12:38

It seems odd to me because today is supposed to be about fathers and their children, not grandchildren. And, don't most people provide their parents and ILs with a pretty much constant stream of random 'cards' from their DCs over the course of a year?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 19/06/2011 12:38

I give my Grandad a Father's Day card because he is a lovely man who I care very much for and it's nice to acknowledge that.

Dd gives a card to her dad, grandad and great grandad for the same reasons.

I think you need to lighten up.
What exactly is the problem? MIL did something nice for her husband and grandchild, and you're getting all arsey about it.
If this bothers you, you have too much time on your hands.
YABvvvU.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 19/06/2011 12:40

It's not a big deal it's just ... odd. If it were your DH's birthday would you hand out cards to other male relatives?

moondog · 19/06/2011 12:43

It's all made up crap by card companies anyway.
Every day is Father's Day in my house.
And kids' day, grandparents' day, spiders' day, ants' day...

Hmm
FloraPost · 19/06/2011 12:48

YANBU, fine if you wanted to initiate getting a card but I can see that MIL doing it would feel intrusive.

Slightly weirder; today is my DP's first fathers day and his very first fathers day card was from...my mother Hmm. The card arrived yesterday, beating DS to it. Grr.

virginiasmonalogue · 19/06/2011 12:50

On mothers day my kids got me, my mum and my granny a card. I thought it was sweet. Does it even matter Confused

strandedbear · 19/06/2011 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LollipopViolet · 19/06/2011 12:51

My dad has never been around. I've lived with my granddad my whole life, along with my mum, grandmother and uncle.

I celebrate Father's Day with my granddad. Different people have different situations.

YABU.

WhoAteMySnickers · 19/06/2011 12:51

YANBU.

This was started in my DH's family long long ago...

So the tradition we've "inherited" is that on mothers day we get a card and present for DH's mum, DH's dads girlfriend of 20 years and DH's two nans. One card and present for all of them from us, and one for all of them from DS. Same on fathers day. It's fucking ridiculous and costs a fortune.

My mum and dad are happy with one card and a token gift and if we started buying another one for them from DS they'd tell us not to waste our money.

Take it from me, you need to say something and nip it in the bud now!

usualsuspect · 19/06/2011 13:07

why are people so miserable about things that make grandparents happy?

IWillCountToThree · 19/06/2011 13:10

YANBU

My FIL is a lovely man but he's not my father.

In our house we all sign the fathers/mothers day card, but it's from me or DH. That way we acknowledge the sentiment and it doesn't cost a fortune.
Why would i buy my brother a father's day card when he's not a father? You can get them to send to every male family member and godparents too!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/06/2011 13:18

usualsuspect... I don't think it's 'miserable'; there are plenty of opportunities all through the year for people to make grandparents, parents, in-laws, whomever - happy. It's a bit weird, to my mind, to pin somebody's 'happiness' on fathers' day or mothers' day when they aren't a father or mother to that person.

Some of the posters have said about grandparents or whomever filling the 'father' or 'mother' role and marking the day... that's not weird - they're filling the role or an approximation of it.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 19/06/2011 13:26

Agree LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. A card for your father/whoever's filled that role. GPs get shed loads of cards from DCs over the year. To send them a card from the granchildren on Fathers' Day seems odd to me as they already get a card, from their son/daughter!

OryxCrake · 19/06/2011 13:34

This can be tricky, depending on the grandparent. My dad kicked off - really big tantrum - a couple of years ago because my DC didn't send him a Father's Day card and he wanted to be able to show one off to his friends (first I heard about it was when I rang him on the day). I always send him a card and a small present, and the DC give cards and presents to their dad.

My dad very old and I don't want to upset him but he can also be very demanding. This really got to me as he said I've brought them up badly, which is why they didn't think to get him a card.

Now we compromise and all (DP, me and the DC) sign his FD card. But it's a shame that he lays on the emotional blackmail - 'I'll be dead soon, then you won't have to bother' - over lots of little things when we try very hard to please him.

onebigchocolatemess · 19/06/2011 13:35

YANBU

I agree, the whole thing gets me so confused as I think I might be offending someone. Fathers day is fathers day. Its not about the grandparent/ grandchild relationship its about the father/son or daughter relationship.

Lets face it, whatever it is, its always us bloody mums sorting out everyone's cards anyway {bah humbug emocon}

ihatecbeebies · 19/06/2011 13:37

Yabu to wonder why grandad's get cards on fathers day (They are fathers too!!) but strange that your MIL bought the card for your dc instead of you or DH buying the card.