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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I was telling me this story, Im sure I would tell me to get over myself

27 replies

boyoboy · 18/06/2011 21:51

But it still farking makes my blood boil!!!

DD was invited to a fancy dress Princesses and Superheros party...DD is no 9 and so very borderline about dressing as a princess :( but agreed to do so in the spirit of the party. The party was aimed at a much younger group but DD and 2 of her freinds had been invited too.

We gets there and to DD's horror the other girls her age have dressed in thier normal civvies...

but DD said it was ok, although I could tell she was gutted...these 2 friends proceed to completely blank her....half an hour of the party later and much ignoring later DD welled up and said please can I just go home.

One of the freinds mums said her daughter had tried to involve DD and when i pointed out that she hadnt at DD had sat with me for the last half hour it was plain that this girl had been lying but then her mother made no other moves other than to shrug and walk away...

So I made no fuss and came home....felt like my insides were ripped out and I wanted to absolutley RANT but my little voice of reason was saying "its just kids, its just a party" but fark me DD isnt th most confident kid and I could tell she was devasted :( :(

Do i just need to get over myself??

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 18/06/2011 21:54

Why had they been invited? and why were you all there - are you friends with the birthday child's parents?
Not that it matters, they do sound horrible :(

worraliberty · 18/06/2011 21:55

No, that was nasty of them.

It's bad enough they didn't dress up, but then to ignore her Sad

Original poster
boyoboy · 18/06/2011 21:57

Sorry am a crap account giver...yes we are all familes who are friends

I couldnt believe how ignorant they were being...DD was embarrassed because she was in a princess costume and I kept thinking they would come over and make her feel better (it always seems better whne your peers accept whet you are wearing for some reason)

but they just kept looking over and talking amongst themselves :(

God I feel like a precious mother but really this was so sad

OP posts:
youarekidding · 18/06/2011 21:58

I would say at 9yo the other girls were old enough to accept your DD had dressed up even if they hadn't.

And old enough to include your DD for who she is NOT what she was wearing.

YANBU.

Oh and I hate parents who stand up for their kids/ justify they're actions when they're so obviously being mean.

BunnyLebowski · 18/06/2011 22:00

Aw that's horrible and you're perfectly entitled to feel the way you do Sad. My 'lioness' instinct would kick in too in that situation.

As the mother of a toddler DD stories like this make me apprehensive about her growing up - girl's can be so nasty and cliquey.

The parents sound like pure bell-ends quite frankly - hate anyone trying to justify behaviour like that.

Try and put it behind you and give her a bit of a spoiling maybe?

FairhairedandFrustrated · 18/06/2011 22:02

Poor dd.

My wee dd is 9 & she would have been more hurt/annoyed at the friends ignoring her than being dressed as a princess.

I also think, at 9, the mother shouldn't have been trying to justify her daughter's lack of manners.

Original poster
boyoboy · 18/06/2011 22:02

youarekidding...that is it exactly.

In our house one of the golden party rules is "nobody gets left out, and nobody is excluded..."

I absolutely farking hate the "you cant do this with us" Or " your not allowed in my room!"

I will back my kids only when I kno for sure they are right...otherwise I tread carefully and try and get all the facts - much to my kids annoyance

Poor DD nothing seems to go right for her atm

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 18/06/2011 22:04

Aww your poor DD, YANBU to feel it for her.

It's a difficult age, and three together always seems to leave one out, so it might not have been the way she was dressed.

Hopefully it was because they just didn't think they were leaving your DD out, it is possible. It's easy to say they shouldn't be like that at 9, but my 10 YO is a total mixture of a 5 YOs behaviour and that of a bloody 19 YO Grin

Original poster
boyoboy · 18/06/2011 22:05

fairhaired, I do think that is what hurt more, the fact they ignored her :(

Bunny...be prepared to need a thick skin, cliquey girls are about the worst kinds of girls...infact I would go so far as to say it is bullying at its worst :(

OP posts:
AuraofDora · 18/06/2011 22:06

mannerless gits
not nice behaviour and yanbu

Original poster
boyoboy · 18/06/2011 22:08

Agentzigzag, that trouble was that even when it was spelt out to them that they were being ignorant they did nothing

I really wanted to ....raaaahhhhhh, I cant even say what I really wanted to to.

OMG I am blazing mad again, how farking dare they..:(

OP posts:
NimpyWindowmash · 18/06/2011 22:12

Nasty girls. Of course YANBU. Unfortunately my 10yr old has had lots of this kind of treatment, for no apparent reason. It's so hurtful, and the ignorant badly brought up children don't seem to realise how horrible they are being.

corriefan · 18/06/2011 22:12

No, horrible for her. It happened to me when I was little, I was the only one not to be told the change of plan. Pulled up with my dad and I noticed the others weren't dressed up and felt dread but dad didn't get it and was like well off you go then so I did. I started feeling like I would be the subject of ridicule but luckily the party leader who had also been our teacher in the past- an amazing person- made me out to be very special and the others jealous!
You did the right thing taking her seriously poor little mite.

hocuspontas · 18/06/2011 22:12

My dds have suffered like this over the years. It's horrible! I would have walked over to them and started a conversation then left dd with them. I used to force mine to go and join in but it's hard if they don't have the confidence. Don't expect too much from 9 year olds though, they don't always read situations correctly. They may have thought your dd wanted to stay with you for some reason.

AgentZigzag · 18/06/2011 22:17

I've had similar and been seething inside like you boyoboy.

But I do remember when I was about the same age I had two other friends living on our street and we were always like that with each other.

Two would be best mates for a while and look on the third as an outsider, and then allegiances would shift and it'd be someone elses turn.

It wasn't as serious as an adult looking in would have seen it, it's just trying to get to grips with relationships and conflict.

silverten · 18/06/2011 22:17

I think you were probably right not to make a scene and just to leave quietly. Your DD would probably have found anything else even more stressful and embarrassing. Poor kid.

At least she knows that you understand that it was horrid for her and that you feel bad for her, right?

This sort of rubbish thing happens when you're a child but if your parents don't take how you feel about it seriously it is even worse.

(bitter voice of experience talking, sorry)

SugarPasteFrog · 18/06/2011 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudysJudgement · 18/06/2011 22:20

why did parents have to stay to a party ???

Omigawd · 18/06/2011 23:36

It's one of those "character building" incidents for DD (I hope you did something nice with her afterwards), and the day you and she both get an insight you probably didn't want into poeple you thought were friends.

MumblingRagDoll · 18/06/2011 23:45

I would reasurre DD that it's FAR better to have fun and be light hearted and up for a laugh than to be all serious and in civvies....if they say anything she can laugh at them for being so serious and immature as to CARE what someone else dresses like.

Original poster
boyoboy · 19/06/2011 07:13

Judysjudge..it was a family/freinds type party so adults and kids were invited :)

Thankyou all, I have taken on board all your comments, I spoke to DD last night about how she felt and she was much more relaxed about it, we had, had a lovely afternoon with her cousin in the end - we shopped and went out for tea..

I said to her that I thought the girls had been thoughtless and maybe should have behaved a little better but also takign on what agent zigzag said i also said "just remember how it feels and dont you ever make anyone feel like that"...I know what 9yo girls are capable of and I dont discount DD's ability either..

Thankyou ladies for your support :)

OP posts:
drivemecrazy63 · 19/06/2011 10:14

that was very mean but your daughter is unlikely to ever be so thoughtless and cruel after what happened to her so i guess its a tough case especially as shes only 9 of experiences making you a stronger better person , im glad she feels better now . 9 yo is that in between age isnt it not a baby anymore but not a teen either by 10/11 she wouldnt have put on a fancy dress princess outfit if someones life depended on it bless her

Andrewofgg · 19/06/2011 11:00

So get over yourself. Shit happens.

curlycat · 19/06/2011 12:14

My DD is 11 and luckily seems quite popular in her group but girls can't be nightmares when it comes to friends. Thursday night her best friend said she didn't like her and never had - que loads of tears and texts! School went ok on Friday and she has spent the entire weekend at her best friends house so i take it she likes her again!! I just want to jump in and sort it all out cos i hate to see her hurt but i know i need to take a step back and let her get on with it. My poor DH doesn't have a clue what's going on - the girl bitchy thing is new to him - i've warned him we've got lads more to come!

TotallyLovely · 19/06/2011 12:32

Aaaah poor little girl!