Fuckerty fuckery Fuck. Be warned this thread contains shite

[Pumpernickel10]

AIBU to be pissed at myself that we have 1/4 of a roll of toilet paper( did shopping today and forgot bog paper)
what shall I do if we run out before tomorrow.

Entirely forgivable Pumpernickel - just gave me an unpleasant mental image of having to "poo-fish" .

Sounds delightful Pumpernickel

If you are using wet wipes then do not under any circumstances flush them down the toilet. It doesn't matter if they actually go flush away, they will clog up in your drain and then you will have to open up the main drain in your garden and clear away all the backed up wipes and assorted debris that your youngest son thought would be good to put down the toilet.

assailant liking socks suggestion V much

Here's what I would do:
Lock myself in the bathroom, unwind, fold and then hide, as much of the remaining loo paper as I would need until the next trip to the shops, and let the paper wasting fuckers fend for themselves!
it's every man for himself in this house!!

Send DH to the local pub under the pretence of having a late night last drink and steal a bog roll from the gents

Problem solved hth

I'd suggest newspaper - cut up into squares, with string threaded through a hole in the corner of each sheet, to hang it up by.

Can I just re-iterate the not flushing kitchen roll down the toilet it does not break down like toilet roll [ learned the hard way and £90 for one minute's work for a drain unblocker emoticon]

GooGooGadget - My dp uses one roll per poo. Seriously.

Tell him to hang onto it until he's been down the shop to get some.

realhousewife does your DP know to stop shitting and then wipe?

One roll per poo!!

How?

Register with the local milkman via milkandmore and get some tissue delivered on to your doorstep!

Jesus, mainly female MNers, this is like listening to a gaggle of primary school boys talking dirty!

Andrew - I suggest that if you want to hold on to any delusions that women are the gentler sex - MN my not be the place to be!

My DH seems to use an extraordinary amount of loo roll when he is having a poo.
I can hear him yanking on the paper so the roll spins on the holder. This happens at least 4 times during one "shift"

I have to refrain from shouting "For god's sake use less bloody bog roll!"

All I know is that often there will be nearly a whole roll, then dp will do his daily "ablutions" and when I go in later there is just those scraggly bits left and he never replaces it with a new one

Take it away and dole out rations on request - 2 sheets for wee, 3 for poo.

Oh what a predicament! I use face wipes on these occasions - I suspect DP does too but think he would say he's too 'ard for any such nimmery pimmery

i saw a programme about Mongolia where they used smooth stones.

Wabbit - I know my mum gets told off if she doesn't keep that moist andrex stuff in for my dad. He seems to love that, so a face wipe is not too far off!

Smooth stones? Surely that can't get it all clean? How do they clean them off afterwards, or do they just leave them once? (imagining lots off poo covered pebbles in toilet bowls in Mongolia) They aren't really very absorbent are they, so not so good for a lady no.1!

I've been known to resort to DS's Kandoo if things get desperate.

My dad, god rest him, would take newspaper up to the bog when we ran out at home - used to be bogrolless for days on end... he used to rip a bit off and rub it against itself to make it softer before using it, made a huge amount of difference to comfort and absorbability!

stones!! nooooooo

Or femfresh wipes (can't remember why I had these - think I bought them to go to a festival!). Then you also get a bit of a freshen up into the bargain!