Fuckerty fuckery Fuck. Be warned this thread contains shite

[Pumpernickel10]

AIBU to be pissed at myself that we have 1/4 of a roll of toilet paper( did shopping today and forgot bog paper)
what shall I do if we run out before tomorrow.

Cold cabbage leaves. Great for piles, too

Just shit n shower...simples

Opem bottle of wine.
Set cork aside.
Consume contents of bottle at a pace that suits you.
When done, ambush husband and insert previously set aside cork into his bum.
Problem solved:o

I'm a tidy pooer it's that DH of mine, its wipe til you rub the skin off your ass

Tell him to go just before he showers

And how come you can all eat the same but his poo still smells like fecking death warmed up

Reserve paper for wees. Poo-ers have to have a shower straight away.

Go out and get some, it's only quarter past ten.

Failing that, kitchen roll, wet wipes or just wash your arse (and your hand) well, when you're done.

ZX - every day? What do they want and what do you say?

Yes, good idea, shit in shower. You can then either lift out and chuck down loo or push the fucker down the plug hole.....although not sure how you explain that to the plumber

or just use the toilet as normal but hop straight in the shower for a wash with lots of soap

'its wipe til you rub the skin off your ass'

Sandpaper for your DH then, save him some time

I actually shit in the bath once when I was a wee lass

chic yes it is every evening when the local shop has closed. They never ask before then, naturally.

It's usually "bog roll" but more recently plasters. Their son had a graze on his elbow and when he came to the door saying, "got 'ne plasters" I assumed that his parents had none so gave some. But he was back the next night and the next even though the graze had healed. Piss-taking fuckers.

Thanks for sharing that Pumpernickel10.

ZX can you say no? Think I'd have told them where to go by now .

Kitchen roll's not a great idea; it's designed for 'wet strength' so doesn't break down well when flushing.

Although, the risk of a blocked bog'from a few sheets of kitchen roll has to be a better option than 'hand wipage'

I read on here that somone uses their knickers to wash their bits with, so i'm sure that would suffice :)

I've just started to emma, it's difficult because I was brought up to be neighbourly and helpful and to give my last whatever to assist someone in need.

However I am beginning to realise that I am actually a complete mug and the sort of person who might have been abducted for twenty years because yes I would have gone into the back of the van to help with feeble shifty-looking man with the deceptively-heavy walking stick nurse the puppy with the broken paw

mich I remember that she washed herself with dirty worn knickers

ZX.

You need to get tough before your "bog roll" bills get bigger than the national debt .

But Emma I was 4

michglas, didn't said poster actually wash all over with the dirty knickers, not just her 'bits'?

I think so shelly she also never used soap or showered and used to strip wash

Socks.

Wash on 60