Why do people say they'll come and then cancel?

[Thefoxsbrush]

Feeling a bit sad. Throwing my best friend a surprise baby shower tomorrow. She is 37 weeks pregnant after 6 years of trying, £20k and 3 lots of IVF so it's a bit of a miracle baby.

At first everyone was really keen, offering to help and thought it was a lovely idea. Out if 20 people that said they'd come, now only 6 are coming.

Her mum isn't even coming as couldn't get time off work (I'm sure she could- she had 4 months notice and could easily change shifts) and several close friends aren't coming.

I just feel let down for my friend and thought people would have wanted to be there for her? It's only 1.5 hrs out of their lives :-(

To be fair, baby showers are thoroughly tedious.

Well she is lucky to have you & the others who are coming. People may have changed their minds for all sorts of reasons but her mum is a bit mean.
Would you like to arrange one for me too? :)

I think baby showers are a bit of a con.

Why can't people buy their own baby stuff? It's just an excuse to get loads of presents off folk. Perhaps they just don't have the money these days

They are a bit naff too.

Maybe their budget's not worked out as they'd thought.
Same as being invited to a 'party' where you have to buy stuff - you can't go and not spend anything.

Yes I get that a lot of people don't like babyshowers. Some said that from the start which is fair enough. Its the ones that are supposed to be good friends/family and thought it was a fab idea eg were part of the planning ect... That I don't understand. Surely a good friend can spare a few hours of their time to be excited for their friend! Childcare isn't an issue as I've emphasised they're more than welcome xx

Baby showers are a naff American tradition.

But as it's a surprise, she won't know that lots of people have cancelled, and will probably be really pleased that you've gone to the trouble of organising it and that 6 lovely people and you are celebrating with her.

Perhaps they are pleased for her but don't feel the need to go to a baby shower. After all they are a new development [no disrespect to Americans] and they just are probably not seen as that important .

Yeah she will be happy with just 6 people! Plus it'll be more intimate. Btw we aren't buying presents as I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with this! We are just playing a few games, drinking fake champagne and eating cupcakes. I'm excited :-) x

I'm sure your friend will appreciate the efforts you have gone to. Try to enjoy the afternoon with the six who will have gone to the effort to attend.

I come from a culture where we have baby showers and my experience of them has always been lovely. I find it sad British people see them as naff but that's just the way it is here :(

Ah thanks butterfly Sally. I dont find celebrating my friend's pregnancy MADD at all xx

Six people will be much nicer than 20. You can have a proper chat and a nice time without overwhelming your friend, who's probably pretty much ready to put her feet up by 37 weeks.

If you wanted, you could always do some pampering things eg. applying face masks, giving each other massages, painting nails - the stuff she will not be doing for ages once the baby arrives - which would not have been appropriate with 20, but would be nice and relaxing with 6.

I know it's a disappointment to you (and I would be pissed off too) but the main thing is that your friend enjoys it, which I'm sure she will.

Thanks lags! She actually thinks I'm taking her for a manicure so I think I will dig my nailvarnishes out :-) x

*laugs! Stupid auto-correct!

Yeah, you should! I went to a hen do once where we stayed in, did each other's nails, wore face masks and just chatted and ate a load of chocolate. A few of us drank wine, others drank tea. It was one of the best I've been to and the hen was not even pregnant.

Ah foxsbrush you sound like a lovely friend. Can't believe people spout off about babyshowers being "naff" after an OP like yours! Be a little nicer people - it won't hurt

I have a friend trying desperately to get pregnant and is just starting first round of IVF. I so want it to work for her. Had a little lump in throat actually reading your OP.

And I can't stand people cancelling on events either. It's bad manners if nothing else. I'm sure you'll have a lovely party and your friend will be chuffed to bits.

Enjoy

Whether you agree with baby showers or not is not really the point here,
The OP asked why people say they will come to an occasion and then cancel.

TBH i have know idea.

I know when people have cancelled on me the reasons have been that they said yes so far in advance their work rotas weren't yet wrote out, they have been completly skinted by the time of the do, they have been so overwhelmed with the latest drama in their lives.

I think the trick is to ask too many and know some people will drop out but some will come.

We had a fab time anyway, my friend was so overwhelmed and surprised and she ab's loved it