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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that engagement parties are a wage of time and money...

33 replies

K999 · 17/06/2011 18:43

I have been to 6 engagement parties in the past 3 years ......not one of those couples are married yet.

5 couples have split up ( and are now engaged to other people)
The other couple are still engaged....but with no wedding in sight.

AIBU to actively not want to buy a present and a new outfit decline invitations now?

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 17/06/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 18:48

why worry, its a night out isnt it? I neeeeed a night out!!

Original poster

K999 · 17/06/2011 18:53

True, tis a night out. But I just find the whole concept of engagement parties a bit bizarre......

The last one I went to, I gave the couple John Lewis vouchers. £40. They split up and I bumped into the girl of said couple. She spent the vouchers on make up!

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 17/06/2011 18:54

I'm engaged. Can I have forty pounds please?

Blimey- I didn't think you had to give bloody presents at them. A card is sufficient, surely?

MerylStrop · 17/06/2011 18:57

It's fine if people have Actually Set A Date. Less than 6 months away.
Some people I know have had several engagement parties and must have a veritable drawer full of coffee frothers etc

ItsNotRocketSurgery · 17/06/2011 18:57

All parties are a waste of time and money, if you don't like parties. If you do like parties then they're a great use of time and money.

You must mix in different circles to me, I don't know anyone who has had the sort of party where you are expected to do anything other than celebrate. Certainly not the kind where a £40 present would be needed.

Pandemoniaa · 17/06/2011 19:03

I've never actually been engaged because, to be honest, I've never really seen the point and this despite having been married more times than was sensible.

What I really don't understand is those couples who proclaim their engaged status while still legally married to other people. Engagement, I've always presumed, is a statement of intent to marry which is a difficult pledge to make if you aren't actually free to get wed. Also, when I was young, just before the Relief of Mafeking, some people's engagements were a very useful way of persuading parents to let them go on holiday (shock horror!) together. Like to share the same bed and all.

Nowadays, an awful lot of engagements appear to be the opening act in the 3-ring circus that masquerades as a wedding. So no, YANBU in wanting to take part.

BunnyLebowski · 17/06/2011 19:06

I hate the whole concept of being engaged. DP and I know that when we happen to find a spare couple of grand we'll get married. Until then I don't feel the need to declare myself engaged or refer to my fiance (boke).

As for engagement parties - It's all a way of being the centre of attention and getting gifts innit?

MerylStrop · 17/06/2011 19:07

We never "got engaged" either.

It's a v oldfashioned concept really innit.

headfairy · 17/06/2011 19:08

presents? at an engagement party? As well as the wedding? Forgetaboutit!

Never been to an engagement party, certainly wouldn't buy a special outfit for it, just glam up and enjoy if that's your thing, but don't buy a present again.

BitOfFun · 17/06/2011 19:09

I think I agree with you, Bunny. It's basically a private matter about where you see the relationship going/does it have a longterm future etc. Not that interesting for anyone else.

Original poster

K999 · 17/06/2011 19:10

Feeling a bit better now. Was invited to one tonight and I said I couldn't make it.... I spent the prezzie money on myself....

OP posts:

Glitterknickaz · 17/06/2011 19:10

I dunno.
Any excuse for a piss up in my book

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 19:11

Presents? Flipping hell.

In my world, the couple or various parents throw you all a free party.

Pandemoniaa I was young during Tudor times and I can tell you that Henry VIII wasn't fussed about plighting his troth before he was technically available.

Pandemoniaa · 17/06/2011 19:11

I'm not sure that I need an excuse! For sure, I don't need to spend valuable drinking money on cards and presents if all I want is a piss-up!

poppygolucky · 17/06/2011 19:15

Same goes for baby showers. My friends exact words when I said I wasn't having one: "But you do realise you're missing put on an extra set of presents on top of the ones you get when the baby is born AND Christening presents..."
Suppose it's fair enough to do it to genuinely celebrate your engagement, as long as you don't expect presents.

Geordieminx · 17/06/2011 19:19

I went to an engagement party... Couple asked for money towards their wedding..... Wedding announced.. Otherside of the world, so no invite.

They come back from wedding and have a party, asking for money towards renovating their house

APieOfButter · 17/06/2011 19:21

I never really got why people object to engagement parties, but now i hear some people give gifts. Really? We had one, and it was just an excuse for a piss up basically, we would have been horrified at getting gifts! Do people really expect them?

Ok, i get the idea of wedding gifts, but i don't see why they should be compulsary. I see them as like birthday pressies - ie nice to give and receive, you would definitely do them for close family etc, but anyone else just if you see something nice or feel particulary moved. Engagements are not present givibg oppotunities. Unless you have something you wanted to give them anyway and were waiting for an excuse.

To the poster who objected to couples getting engaged who can't yet get married- to me, that is a situation when getting engaged is the best thing. It is a way of showing you are commited, kind of like a halfway house.

ginmakesitallok · 17/06/2011 19:31

We had an engagement party 17 years ago - still not married. We didn't get presents though - just very drunk

ItsNotRocketSurgery · 17/06/2011 19:31

Getting engaged is a private thing, it has very little to do with anyone else.

But so is getting a year older.

And you don't object to birthday parties.

EggyAllenPoe · 17/06/2011 19:35

Surely if an engagement party was fun, it wasn't a waste of time?

congrats BOF

BitOfFun · 17/06/2011 19:45

Why thank you, Eggy . I would like some John Lewis vouchers from everybody now, eyethangyow...

EggyAllenPoe · 17/06/2011 19:47

you have me to invite to your party first. i think you should lay on free champagne for all guests....

BitOfFun · 17/06/2011 19:49

Ah, bugger off then...it is a purely personal thing between the couple involved etc etc

MrsTwinks · 17/06/2011 19:53

we all went down the pub and got drunk with mates, is that a party?? seriously, my brother is getting married abroad and is having a party (no pressies expected) as they wont have a reception type party when they get back and not everyone will come (they've invited everyone to the wedding). They also are buying their first places os I suspect it will become a joint party.

Its this american import i think, this gifts at parties things.. next thing you'll have to bring gifts on hen nights, or we'll have to call them bridal showers Having a bit of a boogie and a few drinks is fine imo, expecting gifts is the problem.

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