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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some people get freaked out when I start loosing wieght?

27 replies

toptramp · 17/06/2011 18:28

I have wanted to slim down for ages and i am following a sensible diet and excersising a lot more. It is showing and I am delighted. I have never been this toned before.
Most of my friends are very supportive but one or two are being a bit wierd. One friend keeps suggesting that I eat cake when at hers; then offers me a bigger slice. I am invited over for a spaghetti meal when they know I'm on a diet. Am I a threat? Are they trying to fatten me up? Why do I find it so hard to explain to them that I just don't eat certain foods atm?

OP posts:
WineAndPizza · 17/06/2011 18:30

Is it maybe a jealousy thing? Are they overweight?

BunnyLebowski · 17/06/2011 18:33

Sounds like attempts to sabotage your weight loss probably spurred on by their own insecurities and weight issues?

T'is very common. And horribly unsupportive and bitchy.

Well done on the loss and keep it up!

alienbump · 17/06/2011 18:35

Are you overweight at the moment?

MissVerinder · 17/06/2011 18:36

Jealousy=attempts at sabotage!

Nuttychic · 17/06/2011 18:38

Could it be that in the past you may have wanted the bigger slice and they are just giving you your (previous) normal portions?

HerHissyness · 17/06/2011 18:39

Sadly this does happen. you may be larger or have been larger than them, and you losing weight means that THEY are the fat bird on the beach IYKWIM. Grin

Anyone that does this to you does not have your best interests at heart, place them on an internal caution and don't let them sabotage your plans.

BTW, you can go over for the spaghetti meal, but only eat the meat! the pasta is all carbs....

Wait til someone cuts you a big slice, then when they cut theirs smaller, say, ooh, that's more my size, I'll swap and boldly do it, if they argue with you say, that's all you need, this one is too big for you.

Or say, no thanks I don't want any cake.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 17/06/2011 18:40

Diet sabotage. Happens to me all the time. It's either jealousy or insecurity, some people don't like their previously porky pal becoming slim.

Al0uiseG · 17/06/2011 18:40

Ts definitely jealousy. I lost over two stone a couple of years ago, the first stone was fine, the second one led to hideous comments about me being too scrawny. I definitely wasn't, my bmi was 22 and I was comfortably wearing size 8 trousers and size 10 tops and dresses. Stupidly I got complacent and put most of it back on over the course of a year but I'm back on track now and absolutely delighting in turning down the things I don't want to eat.

Keep it up and don't let their petty jealousies get you down, focus on the myriad of compliments you'll be getting from other people instead.

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 17/06/2011 18:41

A "spaghetti meal" doesnt have to be sabotage - on some diets its perfectly fine! maybe they dont know the ins & outs of your particular diet.

ggirl · 17/06/2011 18:43

losing

Grin

sorry couldn't help myself

Original poster
toptramp · 17/06/2011 18:46

I'm a size 14 which I love but I am becoming slimmer and toned. I'm aiming for toned rather than skinny. My friend is georgeous and a nice normal size ; my size but she has always been the beautiful one. I am quietly pleased that she is being like this tbh (bitch emoticon) because it means that the diet is working!

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 17/06/2011 18:47

She is jealous.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/06/2011 18:49

Surely spaghetti isn't necessarily fattening (depending on the sauce)? But the cake-shoveller does sound as if she'd like to keep you fuller-figured.

Original poster
toptramp · 17/06/2011 18:55

She gave me a large piece of cheese to take home the other day which is fine with me as it's no carbs! Funny thing is she pigs out with me! It's funny but she is so sodding insecure and competetive. It's tiring.

OP posts:
ItsNotRocketSurgery · 17/06/2011 18:58

Inviting you round for spaghetti? Shock Doesn't she know that spaghetti is the devil's arse-hair and will immediately make you regain all the weight you have loosed?

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/06/2011 19:01

OP, you said 'sensible diet'? Cheese may have no carbs, but it's about one third fat - very high calorie! Spaghetti and cake - carbs. Are you sure your friends aren't just trying to encouraged a balanced diet?

Original poster
toptramp · 17/06/2011 19:32

the flipside of loosing wieght is that I do get a bit obsessed with food so mabe I have issues?

OP posts:
Original poster
toptramp · 17/06/2011 19:33

rocket ! Grin

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 17/06/2011 19:43

It doesn't have to mean jealousy - it can be about the insecurity of the other person in relation to a change in your relationship or a mirror to their own flaws. If she pigs out with you she may be scared of losing her eating buddy or worried it will highlight her own failure to eat sensibly.

When I lost weight I had a friend who became very spiteful and said some awful things. Does happen unfortunately, but is about them not you.

forehead · 17/06/2011 20:54

When you lose weight, you become a threat to SOME women. When i lost weight, some of my 'friends' didn't even comment on my two stone weight loss, but had always been quick to notice if i put on weight. The irony is that they are all slim.

Naetha · 17/06/2011 21:01

SOme of my friends do that with me - I've already lost weight, and I'm a healthy weight, but I really want to lose the last few lbs of stomach fat, and they seem to really begrudge me wanting to lose any more.

It's a bit odd, but horses for courses - everyone deals with different things in different ways.

Jonnyfan · 17/06/2011 21:51

Know exactly what you mean; lost nearly three stone recently on WW and get loads of lovely comments on a daily basis from people at work, but my "best" friend-who I meet weekly for coffee- does not comment at all. Even when I wore a dress for the first time in about 10 years, she said nothing about it. I said I had bought some things from Noa Noa she said "Really? I thought they only do smalled sizes!"

inspireme · 17/06/2011 21:54

My SIL and mum both have recenlty lost alot of weight and looked awful for it, SIL in particular by over exercising and eating v little - yes she did loose weight but in most people's opinion looked worse for it, it put about 10 yrs on her, so tbh I tried to encourage her to eat a bit more as I felt she was doing her body damage by eating so little, she eventually realised how bad she looked with so much weight off and put on about half a stone and now looks great.

Possibly your friends are doing this, or they are simply just jealous if u look great?

AlsoAvailableSober · 17/06/2011 21:56

I lost 4 stone (am now a 10/12) and about 3 stone in got comments from one particluar friend about not losing any more as i would have gone too far. I think having ALWAYS seen me as a size 14-18 they couldn't 'see' the new me. I think i just looked 'wrong' to her as it was such a difference. I have never had blatant scuppering of a diet though, that is just mean Angry

FabbyChic · 17/06/2011 22:01

When you get to a certain age if you loose too much weight it does age you as your neck gets scraggy. I cannot go below 9 stone, Ive half a stone to go before I would have lost three stone.

I'd love to be slimmer than 9 stone but I'd look awful at even 8 and a half stone which would make me a size 8 and give me a flat stomach. Im a size 12 now with a size 14 top, half a stone would make me a size 10. Id still have a belly because I always carry it there but exercise should sort that but Im lazy.