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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to accomodate my in-laws? Ok, it's a WWYD really.

103 replies

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/06/2011 12:51

I've just accidentally got rid of the guest bedroom, is the thing:

I have a 4BD house. 3BD are upstairs along with the master bathroom, currently deposed as master/DD's/study. The 4th is downstairs in a sort of side extension, next to the second bathroom. This is very handy for guests, who therefore have a lot of privacy - as do we. Also it means we don't have to deep clean the upstairs

The study is used regularly by DH, who is in the finishing stages of his doctorate, and by me as a sewing/craft room. The guest room is used 2 or 3 times a year by his mother. Once a year she is accompanied by his father, that's the only time he visits. I have posted before about the family culture being that One Does Not Stay In Hotels.

We're expecting a second child. We decided to give them separate rooms. Obviously DC2 has to be upstairs as well. So we turned downstairs into a study/guest room; it's far more convenient to have the study downstairs for various reasons. This meant replacing the spare bed with a sofabed.

ANYWAY. Turns out the room's smaller than we thought and the desk is bigger. So we have this lovely newly painted room, with the desk and the bookshelf in it...and we can't fit a double sofabed in there. Like, really not at all. Well, not if you want to get in and out of the room, anyway.

So. Either we can buy a single sofabed, which means that MIL can stay over but not with FIL. Or buy a double and put it...in the baby's room? And the baby can come in with us during their stays? Which means they'll be staying upstairs after all, without their own bathroom and with all the attendant nocturnal kid-related disturbance. The only other option I can see, replacing the desk and bookshelf with much smaller versions to free up space, costs money we don't have, and also having a nice big desk is v v useful.

They're going to be offended anyway I slice this, aren't they?

OP posts:
throckenholt · 16/06/2011 14:07

bear in mind though if he is finishing his PhD, has a young child and a hormonal pregnant wife and risks upsetting his parents as well - he may not come up with an entirely rational and acceptable solution.

Does this have to be decided now - or can you leave it until FIL decides it is time to visit - when you both may be more able to cope with making a decision ?

wheredidyoulastseeit · 16/06/2011 14:08

Give up your bedroom when they visit, let them have that. You can easily bunk in with your kids. Thats what my lovely sister did in her tiny house when we went to visit.

Original poster
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/06/2011 14:14

You're all terribly lovely for people I am frustrating at every turn!

Inertia - a collapsible desk would mean we could have a double sofabed and maybe even a wee little dresser & lamp. But the desk on the landing would provide DD with the wherewithal to parachute over the stair railling, and also apparently no we cannot use the landing for furniture.

MyDog, they're likely to visit when I am about 4-5 weeks post-partum, which is why giving them our room is not an option, since I plan to be in there, along with a very small person and also a lot of snacks. But don't you see that I CAN'T do nothing? He might choose an option which is not the optimal aesthetically pleasing solution, and then where will we be, hmm? We'll have a slightly non-colour-coordinated air mattress instead of a lovely wing chair and a darling rug, that's where we'll be.

Metal, "only the desk is sad" made me laugh out loud.

OP posts:
bonkers20 · 16/06/2011 14:15

All things considered, I think YABU not to accommodate them.

Mrs1717 · 16/06/2011 14:18

Soups! that is what I was going to suggest. Problemo solveoed!

Good luck. My in laws are totally the opposite and insist on staying at the B&B down the road. Bless them.

AlaskaHQ · 16/06/2011 14:19

We had one of these from John Lewis. Folds pretty flat, and actually surprisingly really, really comfortable. Not quite sure how it would fit in your house/situation, but we only had a single bed normally in our study, but could squeeze this in when we had 2 people to stay.
www.johnlewis.com/230213282/Product.aspx

I've also stayed with friends sleeping on one of these self-inflating double beds, which I was really impressed by.
www.johnlewis.com/27577/Product.aspx

I wouldn't want to give up our bed/bedroom when guests come - as the house gets busy & chaotic with guests, it is the one room which is still "just ours". But if needed, my 4 year old sleeps on our floor, so guests can have his single bed, and our single put-you-up (the first link above).

Mrs1717 · 16/06/2011 14:20

Oh! I meant the studiobed. I saw one demoed at the ideal home show and it was Awesome .

If I had the cash we would have one.

Original poster
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/06/2011 14:23

Yes, I do not have over a thousand quid to spend on a solution, people!

bonkers, I promise I'm trying to accommodate them. I'm even trying to take into account where in the house they'd be most comfortable.

OP posts:
RunsWithScissors · 16/06/2011 14:24

Quick question... 4 or 5 weeks after birth, would your LO not be in your room, or are you planning to have them in on their own to start? Just asking, as if in with you it means you can hold off on making a hormonal rash decision ;-)

fluffy123 · 16/06/2011 14:25

Book them into nearest travelodge.

notso · 16/06/2011 14:27

DH is BU about the desk, give him two options,

  1. He gets a smaller desk, better storage and buys a bed that turns to double bed. He could even convert the existing desk if he loves it so much.
  2. When PiL visit you and DC2 stay in a luxury hotel and enjoy pampering, and he can sleep where he likes.
throckenholt · 16/06/2011 14:28

well keep it all as it is - have baby in with you until after the visit - then you can rearrange the house at your leisure and come up with the perfect solution that is eluding you at present.

Inertia · 16/06/2011 14:28

Tortoise - under the circumstances I think you're going to have to go with sad desk then. Could the desk be relocated into older DC's room?

Don't even think of giving up your room to ILs! New mum and baby combo trumps Big Desk, clearly! And no, don't leave it to DH to sort out (apart from heavy lifting, of course. But just to put stuff where you tell him).

Inertia · 16/06/2011 14:30

Can't believe we haven't thought of this yet - put the mattress on top of the Big Desk. Ta-da!

Original poster
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/06/2011 14:30

RunsWith, no you're right, ze will be in with us, it's just a matter of deciding what furniture to buy that will also work for future visits, iyswim; no point buying a big bed for upstairs and then having the same problem next year. We're poor.

(And I'm going to bed now, all input has been gratefully welcomed)

OP posts:
diddl · 16/06/2011 14:34

What have you currently got in the bedrooms that are intended for your daughter & newborn?

TeaOneSugar · 16/06/2011 14:38

Friends of ours got a bunk bed for their DS which is a double on the bottom and a single on the top, when they have guests to stay the guests get their room and they use the double bed with their DS in the single above.

Not so ideal now he's getting older, but an option with younger children.

We solve this whole problem by having a small house Grin

ibbydibby · 16/06/2011 14:44

Can't you leave the study as a study, and the single bed that has a spare underneath goes into DC1's room. ILs & other guests you may need to accommodate sleep in DC1's room for duration of stay, DC1 sleeps in your room on floor and baby sleeps in own room?

That's what we do (except "baby" now 1o and shares with DS1 rather than us.

Get you point about privacy upstairs, but its not for long is it? They could be pointed to downstairs bathroom as "theirs" for duration of stay, but obviously can use upstairs loo in night?

Sorry if I have misunderstood something though...

toddlerama · 16/06/2011 14:45

When my little sister and friend came to visit me in halls, one of them slept on the desk and one of them under it! Seriously.

But if you are going to have a 4 week old, surely they will be in with you? Airbed in the baby's room. Baby wont even be in there! Airbed has the added benefit of being set up wherever is convenient for different guests at different times. Ours has been invaluable. And we have often taken it with us when we stay with other people as well to solve lack of beds. Was a cheap Tesco one (

sleepingbag · 16/06/2011 14:46

You need one of these www.studybed.co.uk/?gclid=CMCv3MDHuqkCFQUOfAod9Dhf9A

metalelephant · 16/06/2011 14:46

please bear in mind that the desk is sad but it was all its own fault, so you can laugh at it and poke it with a stick. In my house, we punish naughty furniture.

minipie · 16/06/2011 14:48

Best options I can see are:

  1. Get a double sofabed for DC2's room and have DC2 in with you or in with DC1 when they stay.

  2. Ask ILs to stay in a B&B just until DH's doctorate finishes as an exception to the Rule and then once the doctorate finishes and study is less used, get a smaller desk and a double sofabed for the study.

  3. Like 2, but get the smaller desk now, and tell DH he'll just have to cope with a smaller desk while he finishes the PhD.

  4. Double air mattress (if it will fit), and armchair for every day.

Since you have the second bathroom downstairs, and like having the distance, it seems a bit nuts not to use the study as your spare room. So I'd favour 2, 3 or 4.

ENormaSnob · 16/06/2011 14:53

I wouldn't piss about rearranging stuff and allocating bedrooms for infrequent guests.

Dozer · 16/06/2011 17:27

We have 3bd, of which one is a box room. In DD1's room (2nd biggest bedroom) we have the John Lewis bed that turns from a small single into a king. She has been in it since she was 2 with those dream tube things to prevent falling out.

When we have one guest, the single from underneath will go in the boxroom and the baby can come in with us. When a couple visit, DD1 will move.

We find that offering low-standard hospitality (kids' rooms, avocado bathroom with trickle for a shower) keeps guests away nicely!

(JL bed is v comfy indeed. They also do one that is a wider single that turns into a superking - wish we'd bought that one actually)