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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be at the end of my tether with my dd!!

36 replies

goatshavestrangeeyes · 15/06/2011 16:00

Okay i probably am bu but i'm not sure what else to do. I'm having huge problems getting her to eat at school and this has always been the case since she started. She is 6 nearly 7 btw. I've tried rewarding her when she does, punishing her when she doesn't but nothing works. She will literally go all day on half a sandwich if that. I think it is a case of her wanting to play and chat too much and not eat. I have spoken to her teachers and they cannot get her to eat either. Although she will happily eat at home.

Her friend has just come to the door to see if she wanted to play in her garden and for once i said no, because she hadn't touched her food. But i'm really not sure if this is the right way to go about it. Do you think i was being too harsh?

OP posts:
winnybella · 15/06/2011 16:02

Oh, yes, way too harsh. I can see that it worries you, but as long as she eats good breakfast and dinner, she'll be fine. Do you offer her a healthy after-school snack?

winnybella · 15/06/2011 16:03

Oh, and btw, DS gets school dinners and here in France they are of the rather healthy type ie fish and spinach etc and tbh I very much doubt that he eats it all every day.

GypsyMoth · 15/06/2011 16:04

after school SNACK if she left her lunch??Hmm

cinnamontoast · 15/06/2011 16:05

Can you make sure she has a good breakfast and a snack when she comes home? I would worry if she wasn't eating much at all, but if it's only lunchtimes then try not to make too much of an issue of it. My DD was the same at that age and always said she didn't have time to eat her lunch (the teacher said they all got 20 minutes but some were just too busy talking!).

Another tack to try: avoid sandwiches and give her pies, pasta salads, little pizzas instead. Anything she eats happily at home can probably be shoved in a lunchbox, and will be just as good cold as hot. Sometimes they just don't like chomping through lots of bread when they're little.

MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:05

if the problem is that she is not eating because she ants to go and play, can your daughter be seperated for a few times and see if this has an effect?

Original poster
goatshavestrangeeyes · 15/06/2011 16:12

She normally has a ham or cheese salad tortilla wrap as i know she will not eat bread at lunchtime but will eat wraps. At home he would normally polish it off in seconds its just at school. She has a good breakfast every morning and they have fruit and milk at breaktime so i'm not too worried but i would like her to eat more.

She's not a particularly fussy eater but i know if i filled her lunchbox with a load of crap then she would probably eat it, especially anything with chocolate but i do not want to resort to that just to get her to eat!

OP posts:
cinnamontoast · 15/06/2011 16:15

Try to sit it out! Eventually she'll start eating at lunchtimes. (I say that but nothing gets me more worked up than my DD not eating - feel I've failed as a mother if I can't shovel food down her like a Christmas goose).

winnybella · 15/06/2011 16:15

ILoveTiffany-umm...yes, why not? DS always has a snack after school- although we eat dinner rather late so he needs it.

But my point was that if she eats good breakfast and dinner, she will not starve and it's unlikely that eating half a sandwich for lunch instead of a whole one will be harmful. Therefore I wouldn't be making a big deal out of it.

winnybella · 15/06/2011 16:18

x-post

Ok, so she has:
a good breakfast
milk and fruit at breaktime
say half a sandwich at lunchtime
good dinner

Sounds fine to me Confused Give her a chunk of cheese and a piece of fruit when she gets home if you're worried.

Tbh when I was a child I only took a sandwich and an apple to school, none of those bags of chips, sweet yoghurts etc etc.

Original poster
goatshavestrangeeyes · 15/06/2011 16:22

I guess i wouldn't be bothered if she already wasn't really underweight for her age. But then she has always been small. I know she needs to eat more but yes i will try and sit it out for now.

OP posts:
winnybella · 15/06/2011 16:24

Ah, ok. Is she just underweight for her age or also for her height i.e. is her weight proportional to her height?

chelstonmum · 15/06/2011 16:25

I wouldn't get too worried if she is eating breakfast, dinner etc. My DD is 6 (almost 7) and eats the following on average:

Breakfast, half bowl of cereal, full fat milk and drink of fruit juice or water.
Break, banana or apple and water.
Lunch, sandwich (1 slice of bread), grapes, yogurt or sugar free jelly pot.
After school, pack of rasins or a muffin or a flapjack.
Dinner, varies but always includes veg, and is never a large portion.

Sometimes she has supper....toast or warm cereal.

We found she spent a week eating and a week picking so changed from semi-skimmed to whole milk, tried to include higher cal treats a few times a week and added smoothies and fruit juices.

Good luck, kids can be fun! x

winnybella · 15/06/2011 16:27

You could also try (if you haven't already) giving her avocado, nuts etc as a snack-healthy, high calorie foods full of goodness.

OurPlanetNeptune · 15/06/2011 16:28

This worried me about my oldest son so much I spoke to his doctor. Doctor said as long as he was eating two very good meals a day and a good amount of energy and was a healthy weight, there was no need to worry. Indeed, during this period he would have a hearty breakfast and a very good supper. Straight after school he would have a snack (yoghurt and fruit).

The school encouraged parents to bring in 'breakboxes', and we would discuss with our ds what he wanted in it. He loved mangos and banana, so we put those in together with some oat biscuits. This worked very well. He is fine. Your daughter will be fine.

fairydoll · 15/06/2011 16:30

how tall and what weight?

cestlavielife · 15/06/2011 16:34

what percentile for weight and height is she on?

has she gone down percentile?

how does she compare with her peers?

keep a food diary of absolutely everythihg she eats in a week to get some perspective including quantities - it is the total that counts. change to high fat milk.

Original poster
goatshavestrangeeyes · 15/06/2011 16:46

She is i would say just over average for height, not really sure how tall exactly but seems to be one of the tallest in her class. I am also not sure exactly on how much she weighs but she has always been on the 9th percentile and under even as a baby. She is skinny to look at iykwim but then her dad is very much the same so i assume she just has the same build as him?

OP posts:
Original poster
goatshavestrangeeyes · 15/06/2011 16:48

Oh and i have tried her having school dinners instead of a packed lunch, and all she would choose is a sandwich so not much point there!!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/06/2011 16:52

what do her friends do? do they not eat lunch either?

Back in my day, kids went to the canteen for lunch, sat down and ate there lunch, and only after everyone was finished could we go out to play. You didnt eat lunch, you didnt go out to play. Nice and straightforwards.

MizzyFizzy · 15/06/2011 16:55

I used to worry about this with one of my DS...now I just go with the flow...the fact is he is just not a big eater...he has always looked skinny and now he is a teen looks even skinnier but he is healthy and active ...so have just accepted he doesn't need/want to eat as much as his brothers.

I'd only worry if my DC was ill or showed signs of not being well such as less active or was generally 'down' tbh.

GypsyMoth · 15/06/2011 16:55

well if she doesnt eat but knows she will have access to a nice snack whenever she feels like it then i'm not surprised she's messing you about!!!

Pumpernickel10 · 15/06/2011 17:00

I agree with tiffany I had the same problem DD would not eat at school but knew on the way home she would get a treat like an icecream,I soon knocked that on the head,then we had I won't eat meat but only fish,she refuses school meals now so as a packed lunch,if she does not eat it she goes without,harsh I know but she soon started eating when the hunger pangs started.

Pumpernickel10 · 15/06/2011 17:03

Shes very skinny and tall but when she does eat shes eats,shes just ultra fussy. She as one treat a day after tea like a snack size milky way. So won't eat sweets now as most gum sweets contain gelatine. Its marvelous here sometimes :(

DeWe · 15/06/2011 17:11

When I was at primary school my packed lunch was often 1 digestive biscuit and a drink. That was all I'd eat. My sister used to take 2 large rolls as she needed to eat it. I survived Grin

melodyangel · 15/06/2011 17:14

My DS2 sounds exactly like your DD OP. He is about average height but low weight. He is healthy, bright and happy but eats like a bird. Some days he hardly eats any thing at all. It really is a worry. I agree with the other posters if your DD is getting two good meal a day and is getting a healthy snack at three O'clock then I really wouldn't worry too much. Some kids just don't seem to eat very much compared to their siblings and peers.

Try high calorie foods like natural yoghurt, nuts, full fat milk, stuff like that and really try and limit treats.

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