to wonder WHY pil think it's OK for our children to fill their faces with shit food?

[FairhairedandFrustrated]

This is NOT a PIL bashing thread.

I love them both, but OMG I could cheerfully strangle them this morning!

The ILs like to have our two children over a night through the week, any night, they just like to see them & I think it's lovely etc etc (it's a relatively recent thing, perhaps in last 6 months since FIL retired)

But it's getting worse now - same thing happened a few weeks ago, after they had been there, ds (6) was up sick all night - it transpired that he had eaten a whole dinner, dessert, crisps, about 4 glasses of fizzy juice and an apple bun.

I scolded him & said it was too much to have eaten but he said gran kept saying eat up, or you're not coming here again, I like boys who eat up!

Now last night they were both up vomiting - fair enough dd hasn't been well for a few days, but insisted on going to see them yesterday, but they told me this morning that last night they shared a 6 pack of doughnuts between both of them - and ds has 3 beefburgers for tea.

When I came home (late shift) DH had them in bed and said they had fun at gran's but they both felt ill.

I allow them sweets/crisps etc at home, so it's definitely not a case of, I deprive them so they stock up at gran's house! It's just my IL's seem to think it's perfectly natural to fill them full of shit and sit back and watch them moan in pain :(

She did say to dh when she dropped them off that ds had a sore tummy, "Oh dear, I hope it wasn't that last burger"

They have children of their own - they are not fucking imbeciles! I don't want to say anything to her, as they're so very very kind to all of us, we do think the world of them - so I guess I am just venting and will have to instill in the kids the need to say NO to gran when she's trying to build them up!!

It is very hard for a child to say no to a grandmother who is like this .

I think your dh needs to bite the bullet and tell her she is over feeding them and making them sick. It may not necessarily be the food she is throwing at them but the quantity.

Yes, and I don't want her to think i'm dictating what she can or can't feed them - i've never been like that with them.

I do try to make sure they eat healthily at home, but ffs - a whole bag of doughnuts between them both???? I can't imagine even dh being fit for that!

I doubt if he'll actually say anything to them though - that's not how he works, but if I said anything i'd be the worst in the world.

Once a week of eating like that will not do them any harm. Portion size and greedy kids is the problem. They are eating too much.

Their grandparents just need to rein in the amount they give them, and it would be fine.

Grilled or dry fried burgers are not necessarily the food of the devil if they are good quality. (ie not Iceland economy burgers!)...

So how can I/DH broach it with them, any ideas so I don't sound accusatory?

You need to tell them straight! Accusatory or not. You need to tell them she is overfeeding them and making them sick.

If they have been sick more than once then they have a stomach bug, not been overfed.

They are spoiling them - but sadly in a bad way, if your kids really can't say no, then either you or your DH are going to have to say something. Whilst its lovely that your PIL have a close and loving relationship with their grandchildren, do you really want to have puking kids once a week?
I don't think you are BU, and your PIL motives are out of love, but its not great for the kids!
I'd be sick after 3 doughnuts.

BBB - they've been sick two weeks in a row, both nights they've been with in-laws.

They were bringing up (sorry) the doughnuts, drink etc... dd has an issue with fizzy juice so she stays away from it - they bought her fizzy water thinking she should still have something 'nice'... so she had flavoured water but the fizz still made her sick.

I hate confrontation & they're very kind, i'm afraid if I say something they'll not want the kids to visit and they all so look forward to it.

(it's not childminding as I'm at home or dh is at home - they just want them to themselves for an afternoon/evening)

Could you say in a good humored way that sadly your children are quite greedy because they are not used to such huge amounts of food, and on each occasion they have been to them, they have been feeling sick and vomited. They just dont know their limits, so you need the grandparents to help them set the limits, as they are simply eating too much?

This is exactly how I was feeling the other day! My parents are always trying to tempt dd with crisps, cake and biscuits. I've told them again and again to offer her a healthy snack first. She's a bad eater so I guess they are trying to help but she had a 'sore belly' last time I picked her up. I think she was constipated from eating so much refined food - the funny thing is she does like vegetables and when offered will eat healthy things but they just don't think to offer her them.

I really feel for you as I'm in a similar boat, you don't want to offend them but it has to change.

I've had some luck by explaining that all the refined food is making her ill and that I don't mind treats at all, but at the appropriate time. But this needs reinforcing every time we drop her off. Agree with Fimbo it may just be quantity, but understand that it's hard for a 6 year old to say no if she's encouraging him to eat more.

If your PILs are overfeeding your children to the point of vomiting, I would simply tell them that the children are up all night being sick after visiting. Don't accuse them of anything, involve them and ask if they can think of anything that they gave them that might be causing a problem (perhaps hint at a being concerned that there might be some sort of allergy). Talk to them about the food they are giving them and then maybe suggest that (until this issue is sorted out) they only give small portions and no seconds. Keep them updated, enthuse about how the changes they make are really helping.

Your PILs obviously love your DCs very much - they won't want them to be vomiting and feeling sick - I'm sure they would prefer you to approach them rather than let the situation continue.

I think to keep the peace, stress that you dont mind what they are feeding them, but its the amount that is just an overload on their belly which is causing the problem. One sugar donut is plenty, no need at all to eat 3, but kids will be kids and given the opportunity will scoff as much as they can.

At home when they're full up, they'll push the plate away - I don't do the "eat up or no dessert" thing, although I do know that's what dh was brought up with. (as an aside, he was also obese until his late teens)

Also at home, ds is a very picky eater, will often go days having only small bits of things, but he's not ill, it just doesn't take much to fill him, which is why i'm astonished at the amount he puts away when with pil.

dd has a good appetite, one which I am currently trying to feed with the correct things, she's 9 and is on the wrong side of when she should be for a 9-year-old.

Thanks for the advice! MIL usually calls through the day so will try & broach it with her!