First ever MN post (although I am a long time lurker) so please be gentle with me... Issue as follows and I'd be really grateful for your views and advice:
The heart of the problem is money and mine and DP's differing views on its importance to our lives and happiness. As background, we've been together three yrs and are expecting our first child (imminently, I'm due next week).
DP earns very well and has what most would consider a fantastic work/life balance (think 10 weeks hol per year plus a standard 4 day working week). However, he hates his job, finds it very stressful and draining and doesn't get on with his colleagues at all. He moans about it A LOT! His negative feelings are undoubtedly compounded by the fact that he has saved/inherited a considerable amount of money and probably wouldn't have to work again at all if he didn't choose to. He occasionally admits that he has probably become a bit lazy and can't really be bothered.
I also have a very good job with good terms although not on his league. I earn less than 50% of what he does and don't have any savings. I enjoy my job (relatively speaking) and get on well with colleagues although I can have patches of high stress and long hours.
We currently live in a house which I own. I pay the whole of the mortgage and also pay all day to day living expenses. DP pays for holidays, breaks away, meals out - big one off stuff. This is a source of contention between us as I don't think it works out fairly. He saves nearly his entire salary while I am down to zero every month.
DP is constantly planning for the future when he says he will buy us a house outright so that there will be no mortgage to pay. However, in return for living in this house I will be expected to work full-time to pay for all household living expenses plus holidays etc which he doesn't want to do without.. in order that he doesn't have to dip into any of his savings (he doesn't express it in quite this way but that's what it boils down to). He is likely to go part time or give up work entirely in a few years time, if not before. He sees the purchase of this house as his contribution to our lives and the rest is down to me. The house is completely unimportant to me. I am happy where we are now and don't see the need for anything bigger/better. I have told him this.
The issue is I think that I will be incredibly jealous and resentful of him playing the main role as child carer while I have to work full-time. I can't understand why he wouldn't want to share this in a more equal way with me when it is something that I have told him is important to me. I don't want him to stay in a job he hates but I feel that if we sacrificed some of the more expensive things that we have been used to doing (holidays etc..) then we would both be able to have a more equal work/life balance. Ideally I would like to go part-time while children are pre-school and then I would return full-time. He says that he doesn't want us to struggle. But in effect he is saying that going on expensive holidays etc.. is more important than me spending time with my family (even for a few years). I find this so mean and miserly.
I know that ultimately we are both in a very fortunate position and apologies if this comes across as a bit spoilt. I would be very interested in views as I may be missing something... Thanks!