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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that having kids is a little bit selfish?

148 replies

nightowlmostly · 13/06/2011 04:55

Now, before you all have a go, hear me out! I was having this argument at work just now and the guy in question seems to think I'm some kind of monster, and I'm been mulling it over on my way home.

I have two main reasons for feeling this way. The first is that there are so many kids out there in need of a loving home, that having your own is a selfish act?

The other point I have is that there are so many humans on this planet already that the earth is struggling to cope as it is. Surely having kids, lets say only two, is putting more pressure on the earth's resources as they have their own kids and they have more etc?

But, I am not saying that this selfishness is a terrible thing, far from it. We are programmed to reproduce, at a base level and it's hard to fight instinct after all. We are TTC at the moment, having decided that it is what we want, ie from a selfish point of view. Peolple are selfish all the time, buying expensive things they don't need instead of giving the money to charity, spending all weekend doing things they want to do instead of things they should do. It's human nature and not something to be ashamed of.

The guy at work couldn't understand thinking it is selfish, but planning to do it anyway. Is that so wierd? It's like chucking a few bottles in the normal rubbish instead of recycling, it's not right but sometimes we do it anyway.

Am I making any sort of sense?

And finally, AIBU?

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 13/06/2011 21:25

I want four, but will probably adopt some. I think it's perhaps a bit easier to adopt here?

I've just got the one now. I don't really judge people unless they're at Duggar-esqu proportions or something. :)

Rainydaze · 13/06/2011 21:28

Bit touchy tonight, Teeny? Why don't you read the link and find out what the possible implications are of having more than two children? Or are you to busing 'aving' a life?

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:28

i agree cheerfulyank..... i want 3/4 and some other let me put this nicely......"people" ;-) are not gona change my mind. couldnt really give a toss what they think!! some people should just mind their own.

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:29

Im not touchy just think to judge people that have more than 2 kids is pretty sad!!.... and i want more than 2 and your opinion is not gona change that, dont really give a shit what you made of it!

Rainydaze · 13/06/2011 21:30

It seems as though you're very worked up about other people's opinions. Hmm

CheerfulYank · 13/06/2011 21:32

Also, I live in rural Minnesota and there's plenty of space everywhere. I realize intellectually that the world's over-crowded, of course, but I don't feel it.

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:32

Im not i just think your pretty sad if thats all youve got to worry about and to judge people for having more than 2 kids...dont matter if they kids are well looked after and happy.....?? sad!...

Rainydaze · 13/06/2011 21:34

Is that all I have to worry about? Teeny you're coming across as either a knob with an anger problem or you're pissed. Pour yourself another one, love - you're totally missing the point.

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:37

your coming accross as a saddo that has nothing better to do with their sad little life that judge and point the finger for all the wrong reasons. you know what they say those to are always pointing the finger have dead bodies in their closet....;-)....anyways not gona argue with you cos people like you are so small minded that they dont see anything other than their mad view so i'll leave you to it lol :/ :/

Rainydaze · 13/06/2011 21:39

Well, that made sense. Hmm You haven't read the link, have you? Did you see it wasn't the Daily Mail and panic?

Night, night. Hope the hangover's not too bad.

JoniRules · 13/06/2011 21:40

Teenytiny - I think you are missing the whole point of this debate. Did you actually read and understand the OP's post? Human beings can be contradictory. I think it shows intelligence that the OP even considers these questions. Some people do actually consider these things.
Also the OP is not being hypocritical and ti's not nonsense, actually a very real problem that the world faces today. You don't just live in a bubble. I too think about overpopulation and so on, but it hasn't stopped me having children. It's a debate, nobody is attacking anybody

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:42

actually i did read it but some twats opinion isnt gona stop me from having any more if i want to!!....night night home the comedown isnt too bad ;-) people like you make me lmao watch out for those dead bodies in your closet ;-) haha cya

JoniRules · 13/06/2011 21:44

What's 'Imao'? What are you on about? What 'dead bodies'?, why has this thread degenerated from a reasoned debate into this?

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:46

it means that people to are always judging and pointing the finger at other people have more secrets, things to hide ect than most!! anyways my dinner is now ready so

Stase · 13/06/2011 21:47

Shall we just carry on as we were?
I'm expecting number three having always said 'two in-two out', but more mindful than ever to lessen the impact we have, and do a good job bringing them up. I'm one of four but my husband is an only child. Is there some kind of formula that excuses me having three? Wink

begonyabampot · 13/06/2011 21:47

Teeny love, hope you are pissed (in your defence) as the only one who's been acting like a twit is you!

Bumbellina · 13/06/2011 21:47

YANBU. I agree, having children is inherently selfish. Isn't it weird how it is such a strong, primal urge? And I gave into it .... and am loving every moment of it. Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Life seems to be a series of compromises, so we're 'only' having two.... So much for principles Grin

BoojaBooja · 13/06/2011 21:48

TeenyTiny your posts make no sense. RainyDaze's viewpoint is very valid and in fact it's that argument that has stopped me at two children.

There's no point going on about dead bodies (WTF?) and calling people sad when you're the one who's being a twat.

This thread was interesting until you joined. If you don't like other people's opinons, get off the thread!

JoniRules · 13/06/2011 21:49

I would love 3 but actually don't know if I can handle 3. I hugely admire mums who have 3, actaully mums full stop.

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:49

yeah okay then i dont judge people for having 2 kids that isnt a twit???? whatever its funny i find most the people on aibu like to point the finger and judge hmmm what perfect lives you must all have :/

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:50

dont worry i will get off the thread gladly lol

Teenytiny · 13/06/2011 21:50

I'll let you all sit and judge bitch and point the finger as long as it distracts from your sad little lives for 5 mins ;-) cya

BoojaBooja · 13/06/2011 21:52

Please go away and sober up TeenyTiny. I don't usually post things like that, but this thread was interesting until you came on spouting utter shit. You might not like/understand what the environmental impact having more than 2 children is, but there's no need to be aggressive towards those who do!

Stase · 13/06/2011 21:52

Joni not sure I can handle three either - time will tell. I do think that the overpopulation problem is more to do with old age and long retirement than too many babies. Or perhaps a balance of the two. Retiring at 65 and living another 30 years on the savings of 45 years earnings just can't add up, can it?
A bit of me does think I'll be glad to share the care of my parents with 3 siblings, and glad that when I'm a concern care-wise when I'm older it will be split three ways. Still selfish I agree!

BoojaBooja · 13/06/2011 21:55

I agree Stase - ageing and growing population.