to wonder why there are lots of posts asking apparently innocent questions about disability benefits..

[tomhardyismydh]

am I just being a bit meh or is there an underlying reason. some of them are laced with harsh judgments in guise of an innocent question.

I don't think we should indulge the ops in even answering.

I agree. It seems to be a theme on here over the last few days.

I like the 'Do not feed them' response.

I like that idea also but maybe this thread is feeding them aswell.

lets start posting our shopping lists to them in stead of answering

Cheese

Pizza

There is, as you have pointed out, lots of coverage in the media about disability and benefit fraud, so it is IMO perfectly natural for people to think about this.

I'm sorry OP, but I think the best thing is to answer people's questions with respect. Yes, some people are going to be harsh, but the best way to 'reform' them is not to make fun of them, it is to educate them. You have the right to not share your stories and take part in that education, but it really is not going to help anyone to antagonise people asking questions. Do you honestly think that is going to help change any mindsets?

Not to mention that some people just phrase things badly, and have zero malice, but stupidity (genuine stupidity) in abundance.

It's a hot news topic. Since the Tories came to power there have been cuts across the board including cuts to the disabled. It's just topical at the moment. ( a few months ago it was student fees )

Do you read the papers or watch the news? - the reason I'm asking is you seem a little unaware of current events.

They are influenced by the current media hate campaign against disabled claimants.

What media hate campaign?

I read the thread yesterday about the BIL who blagged DLA.

Some people posted the list of qualifying requirement. Reading those made me rapids my 4 yo with developmental delay is probably eligible, and so I spent several hours last night applying online as a direct result of seeing that thread.

I must say it is a sod of a form!

Who said he'd blagged it to a not especially close relative.
Some of us explained that sometimes you make light of your home situation to avoid the rest of humanity either disbelieving you, or panicking and walking around you carefully for the next couple of decades.
Or treating your life as some sort of reality TV.

And yes, it is a sod of a form.
Hard to see how anyone could get middle rate without deserving it and having to evidence for endless pages and in minute detail.

Right, I did not say my BIL "blagged" DLA. Those were his words!!! He said that! God if you're going to read/comment on the threads at least read them properly!

He said "we've just blagged another £200 for DS2" DH asked why, BIL said it was for middle rate DLA, DH asked why, BIL replied that DS2 had been diagnosed with ADHD. When DH asked about the DLA his brother replied that he didn't really know what it was for because DS2 didn't cost them anymore than the others but that it had meant they could buy DS1 some expensive football boots!

So he is getting judged by some people in the family because of his attitude towards it. I asked a perfectly reasonable question so that if any of the comments are made to me, I can answer it. They filled in the form, they answered the questions, the form was processed, DLA was deemed appropriate. End of.

My dad also gets higher level DLA because he's terminally ill.
My niece gets DLA (don't know what level) because she's profoundly deaf.
Whilst it wasn't DLA, my mum lost her blue badge last year because she isn't disabled enough.

I didn't need to ask about my dad or my niece because I know why they get it and when people say "why does X need the extra money? She's deaf, it's not like she can't dress/feed herself". I can answer them. People don't ask about my dad because he's got cancer and that's an illness that people don't question.

goblinchild my BIL said he'd blagged to his brother, my DH, so it was a close relative.

Exactly Goblin. Many parents I know who have children with SN (or indeed those who have SN themselves), hate the idea that people will avoid talking to them just because they have SN. These people are not horrible, they are afraid of upsetting others. Threads like this increase the likelihood of that happening.

There are fuckwits out there who are biased against disability, but 'the cause' is not helped by silly reactionary pisstaking.

I don't think I suggested anywhere that they weren't entitled to it.

They filled in the form. etc....

but when I hear comments like

"what, they're getting extra money cos they can't control their kids/their kids are naughty" I'd rather be able to say, well actually it might be because.....

rather than saying nothing and supporting their comments that way.

FWIW, I don't think they're particularly good parents - inconsistent/shout/swear but that isn't why DS2 has ADHD!

Tbh, I actually prefer being around their DS2 than DS1 or 3 anyway because I think their behaviour is far worse - DS2 as I said, is a bit of a sweetheart, but then I don't have to live with him so I don't know what goes on the rest of the day/night.

INS, my comment about it being to a not especially close relative was because of this comment you made in your OP on the other thread.

'We don't have a lot to do with them because our lives and interests are very different although we live close by so see them at family get togethers. So I am aware that we don't necessarily have all the facts.'

So, the 'close' was referencing your relationships, not the blood ties.

It's everywhere. Hate crimes against the disabled are up. Someone took their dog for a shit on our wheelchair lift the other day. I heard them laughing. I'm getting frightened.

Should I have not asked then? Should I have just let people say the things they are?

I understand from Tidydancer and others that they might make like/play down the issues which gives an unreaslistic view to people who aren't in their position which means people don't know what life is really like for them. I hadn't thought they might be doing that! It would seem quite out of character for BIL, but it's certainly a possiblity!

At least now, I have a better idea and that means I can answer others and challenge some of their judgy comments.

goblinchild ok fair enough. I know that DH speaks to BIL more than we see them - hence the conversation happening in the first place. He obviously felt close enough to him to tell him about the ADHD/DLA in the first place.

We just don't spend a lot of time together as families, we and our children just have different interests.

itisnearlysummer, I read a little of your thread, and I don't think you did anything wrong. You've just posted at a time when a lot of these types of threads are going around, and you unfairly caught the wrath of some. Don't worry too much, your thread wasn't bad. :)

i dont believe these questions really even need asking if you have a handy search engine such as Google at your disposal..you can read the DLA form online and the list of criteria for eligibility.

When DH asked about the DLA his brother replied that he didn't really know what it was for because DS2 didn't cost them anymore than the others but that it had meant they could buy DS1 some expensive football boots! you should remind him the money is for his ds2!

But the lack of Googling doesn't mean that people are being deliberately offensive, does it? It just means they haven't Googled.