to think DH doing this is NOT the same as me doing it?

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

DH thinks I am being unreasonable. He plays a game over the internet that involves him talking/shouting to the other players. I work at home (I'm a student) and he always asks me if it's ok for him to make a noise. I almost always say yes but just now said no, because yesterday he did if for a long time and I ended up with a headache (and it wrecks my concentration). He said he wasn't doing it for more than a couple of hours and we had a bit of a row as I think he was doing it for longer. He responded by saying that he doesn't make a fuss when I mutter to myself when I'm working. Now, I can see this could be annoying, but a) it's much quieter and b) I'm working! I said it was different as I'm working and he's playing - he doesn't see the difference. What do you think?

In the interests of full disclosure, I should say it's an ongoing annoyance to me that I work at home but work on my laptop as he has the desk for his computer, which he uses to play on because he can't play the sort of games he likes on a laptop. I don't know if I'm partly being cross because of that/he's partly feeling attacked because of that.

Ugh, YANBU, I have the same desk issue, I know my DP also does some work on the computer but I write whole essays with my laptop on my lap, or sitting on the bed - as you say, that's not great for your back.
And it is almost impossible to work whilst someone else is talking - try it next time he's concentrating on something and see how he likes it [evil smile]

TheDudesmummy....bet you're popular

Just leave him, it can only end in tears.

Ok, that silence from me was the two of us talking it over.

Thanks everyone for advice - Trills I did talk to him about him maybe feeling I never give him time to relax and we did talk about whether I work too many hours/ought to get into the habit of going out to the coffee shop at a fixed time to give him some time when he doesn't feel he has to worry about disturbing me.

go down the library, the uni libraries are open 7 days a week usually

Ive just bought black ops, dp keeps giving me funny looks, while I shout at my monitor.

Glad you sorted it out. :)

IMO, he shouldn´t be shouting at all when you are also there-unless he can go somewhere that you can´t hear him.

ooh - I did already post, the library is closed. I'm probably unlucky that I've never been to a university that had library openings on Sunday.

dOg - thanks!

Re me possibly being unpopular for my opinion...In my world there's just no question of spending valuable time doing something as pointless as playing computer games, the girls know it and they would completely agree with me that there are a hundred other better things to do. (I'm not against social networking, blogging, forums (inc Mumsnet obv!) etc, these have a place in social communication in the modern world, but spending time shooting people in pretend games is just absurd. Life's too short).

Don't know how DS wll feel when he gets older though...! It does help that DH is even more against gaming aka wasting time) that I am!

I'm NOT a miserable workaholic killjoy, really! (although I do work a great deal), but there are just so many better, nicer, more fun, more fulfilling and useful things to do.

Gaming is more social compared to forums, facebook ect imo.

Its not much different from spending time talking to people on mumsnet when you could be doing something better with your time? (I dont think either are a waste of time btw)

Killjoy!

Plenty of girls/women play computer games too ...

I think I agree it's not so dissimilar from MN. I have to admit I do have a knee-jerk reaction against the geekiness of it, because I am a snob at heart and would like to pretend that suspending your disbelief and engaging with a pretend world is childish when it's a computer game and literature when it's chicklit a novel.

Gaming is not ok but MNing is?

Gaming is social and interactive and I don't see a problem with it all, at least you actually talk to people on there rather than just words on a screen.

Well, my post was meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

I don't really understand why you think the people you type to on MN are somehow less 'there' than the people you talk to in a game though - it's exactly the same set up you know!

I think my problem is that me MNing doesn't involve me shouting for two hours straight.

I suppose I have to admit that don't know all that much about gaming, but it seems to consume a lot of time and energy ( and to involve violence much of the time, which I also have a problem with).

Mumsnet etc I just pop onto from time to time while working, for a minute or two's break, (as have been doing today). I've been working for 10 hours and spent about ten or fifteen minutes on Mumsnet so far, I may be wrong but I don't think gaming lends itself to that kind of thing, you have to kind of be there for bigger blocks of time don't you?

Well, perhaps I am just predjudiced (too old maybe?!).

I understood it was tongue-in-cheek and ment in a light hearted way.

I think everyone has different passions and its easy to take things the wrong way when people seem to devalue something you really enjoy.

If you're not into games I imagine its hard to understand what someone might get from it. Me and my Dp actually have pc's in the same room and like to play online together, its something we both enjoy. It still annoys me at times when I'm in bed and hes shouting calls down the mic to his friends. :)

Still think that someone disturbing you by playing a game when you are working is absolutely not on.

To be truthful, maybe I am just jealous that people have the time to play games (snowed under by work at present and have a two year old who has decided sleep is for wimps so not in the best mood anyway!)

Is the academic thread still going? If so, where?

OP YANBU

I think you're making a lot of sense d0g - it probably does sometimes sound as if I'm putting him down for enjoying it because I don't really get the attraction. Will work on that!

"Still think that someone disturbing you by playing a game when you are working is absolutely not on."

I agree & tbh if we didn´t have a room where my husband could go & I couldn´t hear him, I´d expect him to play without shouting.

If I had to share a confined space with a noisy sod gamer, I'd stock up on earplugs. Have you tried them?

I didnt think you were putting him down by the way, its totally understandable. I do hope you come to a fair as possible compromise, which you are both happy with.

izzy - I hate them, actually. To be fair to DH, he does accept that and hasn't called me precious, though I'm aware I sound it now.

d0g - thanks, we're getting there. It's one of those things where it helps to have opinions from people on here to remind me to have a bit of perspective and to tackle the real issues.

First of all, you are not unreasonable at all. Second, has your DP ever asked you to play with him? It might be less irritating if he included you sometimes.

Not all computer games are violent first-person shooters. My DH and I have played a few old RPGs together several times and really enjoyed ourselves.

mum, that is a nice idea, but I don't think it'd be great for me - I have vision issues and don't cope well with looking at quick-moving images ... I have to say too, I don't have time at the moment!