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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is being stupid!

26 replies

M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:14

She asked on facebook last night if anyone knew of any loan companies, but not provident CIS or noughton (sp). I said
greenwoods? Why what's it for?
Her response was need a loan as we are skint till next week :o

Am I being unreasonable in thinking she is daft getting a loan because she's skint for a week???

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:15

Btw she's not just a fb friend I see her weekly!

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 10/06/2011 10:17

Some people do have to live from week to week with finances. She is daft to consider a loan though -maybe she just needs advice on how to manage her money properly.

Flippingebay · 10/06/2011 10:18

Maybe she's that skint it's either a loan or she'll default on her mortgage... You never know what's going on behind closed doors.

Yes I think it's a daft idea about a loan, but then again, thankfully, I've never been that skint.. People in bad situations are sometimes forced into desparate measures.

I think YAB a bit U, if she's a RL friend, why not talk to her and see if you can help otherwise she may find herself in more debt than she can handle.

honeybee007 · 10/06/2011 10:18

Yanbu thinking she's daft the apr on those payday loan things is really scary but some people have no choice and quickly end up even worse off as it's a vicious circle. If she's a good friend could you speak to her to see if shes explored other ways of getting cash? Eg asking a parent or good friend to lend x to her till next week.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:22

As a good friend I have already asked those qurestions before she signs anything and gets herself into a worse position but she says there's no one!

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:30

She said its for food and bills etc.....

OP posts:
passiveaggresive · 10/06/2011 10:54

Well yes, your friend would be ill advised to have a loan if she is skint til next week, but maybe if you were really her friend, instead of posting on here you could offer to help her out? Cook an extra bit of shepherds pie and pop it round to her? Offer to loan her the money til she can pay it back if you can afford it. Help her budget better if she struggles with this? But not come on mnet and call her stupid Hmm

passiveaggresive · 10/06/2011 10:56

If she cant pay her bills, tell her to talk to her creditors about short term solution, they may well be understanding and accept late payments. Advise her to talk to the National debt line or CCCS if she has debt problems. Lots of practical things you can do to help without lending her money.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:59

I have done all I can for her, I can't lend her money I'm on a tight budget myself.

And tbf when I went round last week she was so embroiled in getting a camera to work that she had just bought I think she forgoti wasa there, also she's going away next month with mil so had to pay money to mil £300 :o - don't get why that much as its a caravan holiday in MILs caravan :o

Iv gave her advice on how to cook from scratch amnd healthily and she said she already does that!

As for makinmg extra food for her, iv got my own family to feed and she lives 35 miles away from mine.

She is skint, yet she's paying for holidays, cameras, she goes to WW every week - that's 20£ per month she can save!

OP posts:
passiveaggresive · 10/06/2011 11:04

not to mention the amount she can save on the extra food she shovels down her gullet!! Wink I am of coures JOKING, but she does sound like she needs to tighten her belt. Maybe her MIL is a mean old cow and rents her caravan out and charging her the going rate? WW is a waste of time and money, so i agree with you there. And why precisely can you not cook up an extra meal for her and run it over to her, its only a 1.5 hour round trip Wink

AccioPinotGrigio · 10/06/2011 11:06

I wouldn't like to call her stupid. That's a bit harsh. It is unfortunate when people can't manage their money properly for whatever reason.

If you can't/don't want to help her financially yourself and if you have already given her all the advice you possibly can then I think you need to step away from the problem rather than call her stupid.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 11:10

Ok mayabe she isn't stupid I just know the positiom she's in as that was me a year ago! I was stupid!!!

Now I have no debts after completing a DRO and because of that I have money in the bank, I started a cooking course to learn how to cook from scratch and I manage the money well, no overdrawn bank charges because I wanted toi buy shoes instead of paying a bill therefore getting £100 in bank charges!!

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 11:11

Sorry for spelling I'm on my phone and haven't quite managed to get round the qwerty keyboard!!

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maighdlin · 10/06/2011 11:55

I think YABU. You have no idea about her finances just making assumptions. Maybe something is coming in later than expected but she has bills and stuff to cover. We have used payday loans in the past. The APR is madness but when your borrowing for a week its nowhere near as scary as you think. its actually better to borrow the money of a payday lender than pay bank charges for not having sufficient funds. E.g 3 bills of 15. If you didn't pay them it would easy cost you £75. You borrow the money for a week pay £10 interest, much better than £75 in bank charges. Plus if your savvy you can make profit on payday loans.

ashamedandconfused · 10/06/2011 11:58

surely she would be better off having an arranged emergency overdraft at the bank?

saffy85 · 10/06/2011 12:01

I had to do this last week. It was either that or not eat and DP not be able to get to work. It's easy enough to judge but sometimes when faced with a choice of borrowing money to feed your family or starving them, paying back a fortnight later, even with the massive APR seems the better choice. And believe it or not the bank charges would have worked out more...

cheesesarnie · 10/06/2011 12:03

for bills id advise her to phone the companies and ask for extra time.most are happy to wait a week or 2 if they know the moneys coming.better than not paying or paying huge interest charges.
sit down with her and draw up a weekly budget(i find weekly better than monthly).

TeddyMcardle · 10/06/2011 12:07

Bank won't give me an emergency overdraft because of my credit rating, she is probably in the same position.

honeybee007 · 10/06/2011 12:09

this thread seems to be more about the op bragging how much she's done to help her friend and how her friend spends her money on cameras and holidays. I now think yabu and a great big judgey pants, I thought initially you were concerned for your friend getting into a hole with charges/interest etc but now I think you want to be told you're lovely for trying to help and that she's irresponsible. It's non of your business what she spends her money on. I hope she doesn't use mn and see this thread.

COCKadoodledooo · 10/06/2011 12:50

Jeez. Am glad you're not my 'friend' Hmm

Payday loans are daft, yes, but in some cases necessary. Slating your friend on a public forum because she's not running her finances as you think she should? Unnecessary and bloody rude.

MrsSchue · 10/06/2011 13:13

By the way, Greenwoods are part of Provident.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 14:58

I know greenwoods is part of provident as iv used them in the past. BUT they are a seperate company and you can have greenwoods loan and a provident loan.

OP posts:
Original poster
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 15:10

And like I said before I've been there I know what its fucking like to live on the bones of your arse. Having to keep heating of so that we have hot water. Turning appliances off when not using them and sitting in candle light at night. Not allowing the kids to have their nightlight on cos it runs from the mains.

I also know what its like to go without food so that my dc can eat or have a drink of the little bit of milk.

Don't jump don't my fucking throat for feeling concern for my mate. Yes she's been stupid, I know for a fact she had a taleaway aLl last week cos she told me. She also drinks everynight. I also know she has a months worth of shopping in the freezer/cupboard/fridge because they got last week when her husband got paid, they spend about £200 on food cos they get 10% discount from asda - staff discount!

What I did this thread for is because I have tried to help how to make her food last till at least when she gets her cb next friday. Sent her recipes(which) will save some food for day after, bulk cookimg too. She's not interested.

She's asked her sister lend her the money as she's lent her sister money before and never got it back. Her sister said yes I'll lend you then text her saying she hadn't being paid but then on her sis facebook she posting she's off out tonight (sis on dole) I feel sorry for her and if I had spare money I'd lend it at the drop of a hat but I'm not in the position to do that.

OP posts:
honeybee007 · 10/06/2011 17:12

All your last post has done op is reinforce what u said, you are judging her for how she spends her money, you are judging her because she is seeking a loan even though she has food in the freezer to last a month,you are judging her full stop. You are also judging her sister for agreeing to lend money then changing her mind for whatever reason, I'm sure you have tried to help her as you've said but how she budgets and spends her money really is non of your business.

I too have been on the bare bones of my backside but that doesn't sound like your friends situation if she has food in the freezer. I'm sure you would lend her money if you could. I just don't understand why you need to tell mn all about it? I'm not jumping down your throat I just find the whole thread a bit strange.

What I did this thread for is because I have tried to help how to make her food last till at least when she gets her cb next friday. Sent her recipes(which) will save some food for day after, bulk cookimg too. She's not interested. that is bragging, look what I did to help her,she's not interested and therefore ungrateful.

If you do genuinely want to help your friend then stop posting her private affairs on a public forum which for all you know she uses and talk to her again to see if she needs practical help this week till she gets paid.

honeybee007 · 10/06/2011 17:13
  • reinforce what I said not what you said