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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to live happily without sex?

54 replies

redwineformethanks · 08/06/2011 21:55

In an extremely happy long-term relationship, very amicable, DP is fantastic partner and father in every way, we have excellent communication etc, but it just happens there's not much going on in the bedroom - in fact, nothing for a while now. This used to bother me a little but now I think we're just both out of the habit and don't really miss it. I'm OK with this although I do worry a little when I think that it's not the same for other people.

Should I just enjoy my relationship as it is, or should I be concerned that we're not the same as some other people?

I guess I'm looking for some reassurance here as I'm happy as I am until I start comparing with others.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 08/06/2011 21:58

If you're both happy then I don't see there's a problem. Not everyone is going at it like bunnies all the time.

Hassled · 08/06/2011 21:59

As long as you're sure your DP feels exactly as you do.

Original poster
redwineformethanks · 08/06/2011 22:01

Yes he does, we've spoken about it from time to time. He doesn't miss it and thinks it will come back once children are older.

OP posts:
HalfTermHero · 08/06/2011 22:02

I guess if you both have low sex drives (and I do not mean that in an offensive way) then all is well if you are both content.

Is there perhaps something else going on though? Maybe you or dh are scared of getting pregnant again? If it is something like this eating away at the back of your mind then you could get to your GP and get sorted with a contraceptive solution for you/dh.

onebigchocolatemess · 08/06/2011 22:06

how often is not often, just out of interest?

I am interested to benchmark whether I fall into your category!

Original poster
redwineformethanks · 08/06/2011 22:11

I really wasn't exaggerating when I said "there's not much going on in the bedroom - in fact, nothing for a while now" - probably just once this year and twice last year. When I say that in print it sounds very sad, but most evenings it does feel more cosy than that - rather like those 1970's sitcoms where they are both sitting up reading until they turn off the lights at the same time

I suspect we do both have low sex drives, so no offence taken.

DD is much loved but was unplanned so I have sometimes wondered if there is a connection there......

OP posts:
Rainydaze · 08/06/2011 22:14

I could live happily without sex too. I'd like a DP like yours!

dementedma · 08/06/2011 22:24

another one here who could live without it. unfortunately DH is not of that opinion....cue unhappy relationship. Apparently I'm the weird one.

Cocoflower · 08/06/2011 22:27

Is dp happy though, you have made sure?

Original poster
redwineformethanks · 08/06/2011 22:30

Hi Cocoflower - yes I'm certain he is fine with it, but I understand why you would ask that. We have discussed it from time to time. Of the 2 of us, I seem to be the one who sometimes wonders if this is normal and he seems 100% OK with it

OP posts:
joric · 08/06/2011 22:30

Yep, can do without!!! :)

HalfTermHero · 08/06/2011 22:34

Redwine, if you have any tiny doubt that fear (of pregnancy) is putting you off sex then please get some advice from your GP. For me, a naked cuddle in bed with dh usually ends up with his stiff cock inside me. I can't help but be turned on by him. I am sorry to be blunt but once you are not worrying about consequences then sex comes very easily if you don't wear pyjamas to bed!

WhoAteMySnickers · 08/06/2011 22:36

If you're looking for reassurance, then are you really happy, and sure that your DP is too? IMO if you were fine with it then you wouldn't need reassurance?

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 22:39

if yuo are both happy who are we to say you are being unreasonable?

Cocoflower · 08/06/2011 22:40

Halfterm your post has got me all hot and steamy...

Ahem.

Anyway! If you are both fine with it then I wouldnt waste another moment worrying about it.

Personally it would not suit me but everyone is different and there is no hard & fast rules. Hmm, maybe hard and fast was a poor choice of words... you know what I mean!

HalfTermHero · 08/06/2011 22:47

Coco, I have previously been accused of being a cock tease, but this is my first time as a fanjo tease.

Cocoflower · 08/06/2011 22:49

No written word has ever turned me on as much. And I read literotica once.

You should be proud.

Fernie3 · 08/06/2011 22:53

I don't think I could go without sex for anything like that amount of time without getting seriously grumpy. BUT if you are both happy then I don't see the problem although I do wonder about the reason why. I agree with half term hero pjs need to go and if you did want to get a bit more "in the mood" maybe try googling erotic fiction ( or amazon searching).

A1980 · 08/06/2011 22:55

You sound like me halfterm ... I couldn't help but be tunred on either by a naked cuddle and want it to go further.

But then not everyones sex drives are the same.

NorksAreMessy · 08/06/2011 22:58

The key thing is that you both feel the same about it. It is IMBALANCE that causes tension, not quantity or style or type of sex, just that one person wants something (or someone) different.

If you are both happy, you are happy, and what does or doesn't happen is nobody else's business...including mine :)

HalfTermHero · 08/06/2011 23:01

I am horny all month but around ovulation time I am actually dripping, soaking wet around the clock. Dh knows this and leaks pre cum on his pants all day thinking about it. When we get into bed at night- you don't want to know, lol.

We have 3 dc but DC4 is always on the cards in the wanton and lust driven circs. I wish I was more frigid.

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 23:02

hth! Shock

ha ha ha

HalfTermHero · 08/06/2011 23:03

You might well laugh Thingumy but I am truly helpless to his cock Grin

A1980 · 08/06/2011 23:08

OMG! I appreciate your openness HTH. I have a similar sex drive but I ended up single a while ago.... don't ask. It's horrendous

HalfTermHero · 08/06/2011 23:08

I will shut up now Grin