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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has gone AWOL

92 replies

CatPower · 08/06/2011 19:21

I haven't bothered to name change.

DP texted me yesterday evening to say he was going for drinks with people from work. Work's been fairly stressful lately so I was glad to hear he was socialising with them away from the office.

At midnight he gets in touch to say that he'd drank too much and was staying at a friend's house.

This morning, he pops up online saying he was at work, but was just finishing a couple of things off and then he'd be home. I took this to mean he'd be home around lunchtime.

Mid-afternoon he pops online again, very stressed regarding an issue with work, and disappears offline. I've heard nothing since.

His phone has run out of battery. He's not answering emails, he isn't online on Skype etc. I have no way of contacting him. I also don't have the use of my car (it is parked elsewhere, too far to walk, a whole other story) so I have a serious case of cabin fever.

We have one DS, he is four, and due to the lack of car (DP was meant to take me to collect it last night/this morning) he has missed a day of nursery.

Am I being unreasonable to be utterly pissed off? Please tell me I'm not, I feel like I could throttle someone.

OP posts:
QueenofDreams · 08/06/2011 19:23

YANBU! bloody hell. I'd be steaming! He'd better have a bloody good reason for this.

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 19:24

I know he's probably just working. He gets serious tunnel vision when it comes to his work which is a whole other thread unto itself but it's the lack of communication that annoys me most.

OP posts:
Zimm · 08/06/2011 19:29

I would go ballistic. How fecking rude. Are there no landlines at his office?

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 19:30

He's working on site so no, no landlines (as far as I know). But he does have constant internet access so a quick email/Skype message to say "not coming home until late, don't wait up" wouldn't be difficult.

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/06/2011 19:32

Smoke would coming out of my ears too.

Can't you get a bus or cab to go pick up your car as simmering with wheels is infinitely preferable to boiling without, and at least your ds won't have to miss another day of nursery if your DP extends his absence WOL?

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 19:36

We live in the sticks, the car is at the nearest train station and the nearest bus station is probably an hour's walk from the house. If he hasn't appeared in the next half hour or so I will phone a taxi and go to collect it, this is beyond a joke.

OP posts:
Cocoflower · 08/06/2011 19:47

I hope is ok though....

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 19:54

I'm fairly certain he's at work and fine. It's the fact I don't even ping on his register enough to warrant a phonecall/email that pisses me off most.

OP posts:
LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 08/06/2011 19:54

Good grief, no I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!!! That's really out of order. I am sure he's totally into his work and busy - no problem with all that - in theory... but not to give you ANY idea of what is going on. Shit girl, that's actually just really selfish.

However... however however.... I have to ask - any chance he may have hurt himself or something? Sorry to be a downer, but it is a geniune question...? Whatever happens - DO give him a chance to explain himself - before you blow up at him!

Hope you find out soon - best wishes with it!

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 19:56

Believe me, if it turns out he's been the victim of a freak spork-vs-man accident I'll feel terrible and will beg for forgiveness. I'm just venting here so I don't go batshit crazy at him when he comes through the door.

OP posts:
Pumpernickel10 · 08/06/2011 19:58

I feel for you catpower. My DH is the same at times.
Then I get told well I have to work hard to provide you with all this and makes me feel like shit then. Hate when he puts the guilt on me.

Trillian · 08/06/2011 20:00

Is there anyone you can phone who might be able to contact him?
You must be going mad with worry, I hope he comes home soon

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 20:01

We had ~ishoos a year or so back, and he promised he'd be more open, more communicative, and less ignorant towards anything that isn't work related.

I'm glad he loves his work and is good at his job, but it's like he forgets he has a family too.

OP posts:
msrisotto · 08/06/2011 20:01

I bloody hate sporks

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 20:02

I'm giving it until half eight, and then I'm phoning his Dad to see if he's been in contact. There's no-one else I can phone, and I guess nothing else I can do other than wait/plot his downfall.

OP posts:
LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 08/06/2011 20:04

Look, to be honest - why 8.30pm? Now is just as good as then, all you'll do in the interim is fret. It's been late enough. Please call and see what's going on, you are NOT bu to do so, love!!!

AnyFucker · 08/06/2011 20:06

everything ok cat ?

gapants · 08/06/2011 20:06

My DH would do this, and then be all "but I messaged you that I would be home later" and then we would fight about what he meant by "later".

He is a lot better now, especially since we have kids. However he has never gone out for some drinks and not come home. Just worked late a lot. Very stressful high powered job. Still it is not one, especially as you are quite isolated. i would be fuming.

M0naLisa · 08/06/2011 20:10

Any news yet?

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 08/06/2011 20:12

for heavens sake, he is snowed under at work

sometimes mine works 15 hours straight, why on earth would i go ballistic - im sure he doesnt want to be there anymore than i want him to, but sometimes these things happen

if his battery is flat and he is up to his eyes in it, grow up for gods sake and when he gets home cut him some slack

MmeLindor. · 08/06/2011 20:15

Has he been in touch?

I would send him an email headed PHONE ME NOW URGENT OR I WILL PHONE THE POLICE as I am worried you have had an accident.

AnyFucker · 08/06/2011 20:17

grow up ?

yep, very helpful

M0naLisa · 08/06/2011 20:20

We shall remember that oooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou when your worried about your DH!!

Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 20:56

He's home.

Says he has flu.

Refuses to discuss anything, except to say he's pissed off with me for being annoyed.

I've told him he's got tonight to sort himself out and talk to and treat me like an adult he respects, or things will be very different.

OP posts:
Original poster
CatPower · 08/06/2011 20:58

And also, ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou, you can fuck the fuck off and when you've done that you can fuck off again.

This isn't a case of him working for fifteen hours straight (which he's done, and I support). This is him going to work at 8am one morning, going out on the piss and getting so bladdered he can't get home, telling me he'll come back in the morning (to take kiddo to school and take me to collect my car) then just... not bothering, telling me he'll be home "soon" and then not appearing until 8pm, completely bemused as to how I can dare to be annoyed with him.

If you like being treated like a doormat, fine, go ahead. I'm not like that.

OP posts:
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