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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect that parents should know who their children are playing with?

15 replies

Fleurdebleurgh · 07/06/2011 16:08

I am totally baffled by what seems to be the norm at my sons school. Please let me know if IAMBU.

My son is 4 and in half day nursery at a school. Since september he has twice been invited to play and have dinner at another childs house, both times i havent known the other parent very well, and havent been invited myself.

Is this normal? Do parents randomly invite young children to their homes? Both times have been at short notice, the latest (today) being 10 mins.

I havent seen their houses, i dont know them, i dont know who lives in their house with them. Is it normal to not invite the mum of the visiting child in for tea and biscuits on the first occasion?

Am i being OTT or is this standard practise?

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 07/06/2011 16:10

Standard practise round here, you go in for a nosey at pick-up.

Original poster
Fleurdebleurgh · 07/06/2011 16:13

What if i nosey at pick up, and discover hes been running around amongst the leaves of a cannabis factory?!

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 07/06/2011 16:15

Highly likely in reception that a drug dealer mother would invite a child over for tea after school............Wink

MadamDeathstare · 07/06/2011 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SusanneLinder · 07/06/2011 16:17

I am probably one of the most slack mums going,but I would never allow my child to go to someone's house that I did not know, without having spoken at least to the other mum or had a butchers at their house.

activate · 07/06/2011 16:18

so your child is too young to have friends is he?

weird

MadamDeathstare · 07/06/2011 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fleurdebleurgh · 07/06/2011 16:21

MadamDeathStare, thats a primary worry tbh.
He is only 4, he can occasionally still be prone to tantrums, he hasnt been to enough 'strange' houses in his time so that i know he can be trusted to not rip their house apart!
Of course my child is an ANGEL and would never do such things Wink BUT i dont know how 'supervised' they will be by the other parent.

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 07/06/2011 16:24

My guess would be that the other children are not first children. Parents with older ones as well tend to be more slack. That said, the first time my children were invited anywhere at this age, I would go to the house with them, then leave them there, if I didn't know the parent to begin with. Any doubts, I'd probably stay (but it never happened).

BurningBridges · 07/06/2011 16:24

I'm with Susanne on this one - but I have a get out - If I can't say no not tonight I use my oh no do come to me first ploy. If that doesn't work then I say "oh lovely but mini-burning is very shy so I might need to stay/sit with them for a while and I warn you they might then get upset and want to come home so I'll drive them to your house now, come in and hang around for a while do you mind?" (in a sort of jovial and appealing way Wink). If they sa no, end of story we don't go at all - but no one ever has, so I can come along and see if all is well. Where I live most people drive to and from school so I find that helps, sometimes I can also offer a lift to non-drivers doing the inviting so we all go back to their house.

And yes, in some places it's the norm to invite without knowing each other.

MadamDeathstare · 07/06/2011 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieAgain · 07/06/2011 16:27

Yes to short playdates. When they are this age, I'd make my excuses so they don't have dinner round the other house

SusanneLinder · 07/06/2011 16:27

@activate-who was that at?

If at the OP, she isn't saying that she doesn't want her son to go,just that she would like to meet the other parent first. Nothing weird about that.And at 4 and a half,she's bloody well entitled to.

My DD is allowed to go to other people's house,but I want to know who the parents are and what they are like before I entrust my child to their care.It doesn't need to be a huge thing, and I don't need to have them CRB checked or have an investigation by the CIA or out,just a basic look at where they are going to be.

All parents do that round here,I would be a bit meh at any parent that didn't.

Original poster
Fleurdebleurgh · 07/06/2011 16:32

Im not really concerned about the parents who have offered. I have spoke to them in the playground a bit, they seem to be lovely women with nice children.

Just seemed a bit of an alien concept to me. I dont have any desire to have Other Peoples Children in my home and find it bizarre that people so casually offer to take on my monster at short notice without knowing what theyre letting themselves in for.

OP posts:
activate · 07/06/2011 18:37

so you say - oh that would be lovely, can I come along cos s/he's a bit nervous in new places to begin with

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