Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think a friend should not spend half her family savings on bariatric (obesity) surgery

91 replies

pingu2209 · 06/06/2011 19:10

My friend is very overweight (as am I) and she has spent the last ten to fifteen years losing and gaining the same 5 stone on a variety of diets. Each time she loses the weight she puts it all back on plus extra. I would now say she is at least 8 stone overweight.

Today she told me that she has decided that she no longer believes she can keep weight off that she loses on a diet so she has booked to have a gastric bypass privately. Apparently her GP surgery were unable to help.

She came to me as a friend and as her friend I don't want to judge her as it is her decision. She said that her BMI was 45 and as she has 2 young children she is concerned for her health. All of that I fully understand, but she is spending half of the family savings paying for it and her husband's job is very insecure.

Am I unreasonable in my concerns? Perhaps I am just green with envy as I will watch her lose weight and still be very overweight myself!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 06/06/2011 19:26

Fabby - the excess skin may look unsightly but won't cause the same strain on her heart and other organs as excess fat. The OP's friend is worried about her health, not whether her body looks nice or not afterwards.

Fernie3 · 06/06/2011 19:26

yabu the health risks of being that overweight mean that if this is the only way to get it off then she should go ahead.
My SIL lost alot of weight (didnt ask how but it was rapid so i dont know) she had an operation to remove the skin from her stomach on the NHS - she didnt ask for it the doctor suggested it at an appointment to make her more comfortable.

MumblingRagDoll · 06/06/2011 19:27

Why do you care? It's not your money!

worraliberty · 06/06/2011 19:27

I'd prefer she used her savings than have the NHS pay for it.

Anyway, some people get by with no savings at all.

Presumably she'll be told if excess skin is likely to be a problem and she'll get rid of that too.

QOD · 06/06/2011 19:28

Fabbychic - you've said that before about not being able to wipe your arse properly, I find that fascinating - are you very short? Your arm span is approximately your height - I visualise you as 4ft inches. I could be wrong. I am 5ft and a fag butt, was 20stone at my heaviest and never had problems reaching my arse or wiping it properly.
He he he - you've also just made me remember the guy on Embarassing Bodies who had a smelly bottom problem - turned out he didn't wipe properly!

katvond · 06/06/2011 19:28

Fabby the NHS should not be used for gastric band or having skin removed to me it's wrong. But this friend is paying privately for the operation or did you forget that?

Flisspaps · 06/06/2011 19:28

I remember him QOD!

DilysPrice · 06/06/2011 19:28

YABU - support her.

FakePlasticTrees · 06/06/2011 19:29

OP - it's not an easy solution - a lot of people who have it done find the forced lack of food hideous. It's not going to solve the reasons she over eats.

Why don't you prove there is another way to do it? You can lose weight the good old fashioned way, why not use this as a challenge to yourself, see if you can lose the weight you have too? But doing it though watching your diet and exercising - the 'slow/dull/cheap' way when you want to have a big meal for a special occassion (Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc) you will be physically able to (and just go back to sensible eating afterwards). Your friend will never be able to do that ever again.

Flisspaps · 06/06/2011 19:30

And if she does keep the weight off, the cost of the skin removal will probably be less than the cost to the NHS of any future health problems requiring treatment due to obesity in the first place.

katvond · 06/06/2011 19:31

QOD I remember that chap too, can't watch the program anymore gives be nightmares

Original poster

pingu2209 · 06/06/2011 19:49

Wow, I just put my children to bed and came back to quite a mixed bag of responses.

I posted this deliberately. No appologies, I just wanted to see what the reaction was out there as it is likely to reflect the reaction of the playground and wider society. She is really worried that she will get nasty reactions as her weight loss becomes noticable and people ask her how she is doing it. She won't tell many people but these things do 'come out'.

It seems she is right to be concerned. There are some on here who think it is only lazy people who resort to surgery. Also that people should 'just diet'.

She has dieted and lost loads of weight. The problem is she can't maintain the new ways of eating for life. I went to Weight Watchers with her and Slimming World. We both lost weight but put it all back on. I have also watched her go to Lighter Life and lose about 6 stone, but again she put it all back on plus more.

She and I both believe being hugely overweight is an eating disorder. Serioulsy, would you say to an anorexic - "just eat". It is a mental health problem that is extremely complex.

Yes I am jelous. I would love to have the surgery because I do not believe I can lose weight and KEEP IT OFF. Yes I will be the fat one when we go out as a group. No her money has nothing to do with me. Yes I will support her and I believe she is doing exactly the right thing. There is a small risk of complications - and at worst, death. She and her family are really worried about the risks, but she is eating herself to death and is likely to have a very reduced life span anyway.

OP posts:

katvond · 06/06/2011 19:54

OP this surgery will give her a proper life with her kids and DH she's doing the right thing. Support her

springbokscantjump · 06/06/2011 19:54

I actually have no problems with the NHS paying for either gastric banding or to remove excess skin, in carefully selected cases. The cost of the super morbidly obese is a substantial amount of money. In those cases where the ability to exercise is very limited, gastric banding has a role to play (in such people, calorie expenditure is so low as to make a calorie restricted diet incredibly hard to shift sizeable amounts).

As to excess skin, it can cause significant depression/body image issues. For some people, it acts as a deterrant to their long term weight maintenance and they start to gain weight again.

If these procedures allow people to remain in a healthy weight range, it reduces overall the cost to the NHS wrt diabetes, hypertension/MI etc. as well as additional social care needed. however, it does need to be in selected cases.

killingTime · 06/06/2011 20:01

I watched people in my family lose a lot of weight which was hard but then put in back on over time. IME while losing it can seem hard keeping it off is the real battle.

Apparently are reasons for this - the fat cells do not disappear but remain there thin but wanting to store fat.

Tell your friend to refuse to discuss it with anyone - get her to practise the haughty look down nose and 'how is that any of your business' answer.

My family members now have the obesity related diseases and some of the treatments drugs they have had to take have actually put more weight on them.

katvond · 06/06/2011 20:01

I like you OP you've been really honest and open a 1st on here :)

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 06/06/2011 20:07

My mother had it done privately 2 years ago for about 9k.

She was a size 24 she's now a size 12-14. While she has no "loose skin" or an "apron tummy" she failed to exercise enough and her arm muscles have started to eat themselves, meaning she's really really weak.

She vomits quite a lot too when things get "stuck" in her "hole". (gastric band not bypass I'm talking about).

Surely if your friend's BMI was 45 the NHS would do it? (I do not support that notion, people are fat because they eat too much-unless of course as disabled and unable to exercise, but that doesn't excuse them over eating...medication may alter that though...spade...down)

saffy85 · 06/06/2011 20:09

YABU as it's up to her and her husband what they spend their money on, nowt to do with you.

Personally I wouldn't be all that jealous of your friend. She can have the surgery but it wont magically solve her problems for her. Think you're meant to stick a very strict diet after the operation and there is no respite, not to mention horrendous side effects, especially if you over eat. I'm pretty sure it's non reversible too. All in all, I'm really glad I talked my mum out of this surgery a few years ago. She has a rotten track record for losing weight.

skintagain · 06/06/2011 20:13

I've had a gastric band. Best thing I've done. We didn't have the full amount so put it on 0% credit card. I've told no one as I'd be afraid of judgement. Seriously you must realise yourself, there has to come a point at which there is no other diet left to try.

saffy85 · 06/06/2011 20:14

I'm not judging your friend btw OP. But I do believe this surgery shouldn't be seen as a cure. You can lose all the weight you want and look fab but if you still have the same issues with food as before you're going to be very miserable.

Greenstocking · 06/06/2011 20:17

Dear god, good for her.

Eight stone overweight is like carrying another adult on your back 24/7.
Jeez.

FellatioNelson · 06/06/2011 20:23

So what are your concerns exactly? Of course there is an element of medical/health risk to a bypass, but there is also an element of risk to being 8 stone overweight. And she has shown that although she can be motivated to lose weight in the short term, she is unable to keep the weight off in the long term, and that she cannot conquer her own food demons.

I don't judge anyone in her postion - if it frees her from the sheer crapness of feeling like a failure, makes her happier, healthier and fitter in a way that is sustainable in the long term then who can her that? And it's her own money that's paying for it. It's not like she hasn't tried other methods time and again, is it?

FellatioNelson · 06/06/2011 20:24

Sorry - I mean who can begrudge her that.

skintagain · 06/06/2011 20:27

Fabby - can you tell us a bit more about how you succeeded? Also how long have you maintained a healthy weight? Most people can lose it; however maintenance tends to elude most people time and time again.

squeakytoy · 06/06/2011 20:29

She and I both believe being hugely overweight is an eating disorder

Yes it is. You eat too much of the wrong thing, and you dont do enough exercise to keep the fat away.

But it is not a mental health issue, it is a lack of self control and will power.

If you have both lost weight in the past, you have proved you CAN do it if you really try.

Diets are not temporary fixes. You have to change your eating habits for life, not just for a few months or yes, you will put the weight back on if you go back to your previous way of eating.

Flip

1 2 3 4