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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu re alcohol....

59 replies

Atwaroverscrabble · 06/06/2011 13:32

aibu to think that if you cant go more than 3 or 4 days without a pint or two and you drink 2-3 pints most days at least that you have a drink problem?

OP posts:

knittedbreast · 06/06/2011 13:34

yabu.

i dont think thats too much at all. as long as they are happy and everythings still ticking over why stop or cut down something you enjoy?

fuzzpigFriday · 06/06/2011 13:35

Probably, yes. But I'm biased I expect as I am basically teetotal - not for any moral reasons, I just don't like most booze.

What's happened? Are you ok?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 06/06/2011 13:35

YABU and you sound a bit judgey too.
Unless this 'issue' is impacting on your life or the life of your DC it really isn't your business IMO.

Guildenstern · 06/06/2011 13:36

Define problem.

Sounds as though that would be within government limits.

It depends if the alchohol is being used as a prop, or if it's being drunk whilst socialising.

For many people in this country, drinking is part of the social culture. This might not be ideal, but it's true.

Sn0wflake · 06/06/2011 13:36

I think two to three pints a day is quite a lot actually (but pints of what?).

Hammy02 · 06/06/2011 13:37

YANBU. General health advice is to give your body at least 3 alcohol free days a week. If you literally can't go without alcohol for a couple of days, you do have a degree of alcohol dependence.

worraliberty · 06/06/2011 13:38

Do you mean can't go without for 3 or 4 days or wont?

reelingintheyears · 06/06/2011 13:39

Now if it's 2/3 pints of gin every day then i see there may be a small problem.

But lager/beer...then no.

fatlazymummy · 06/06/2011 13:41

The 3 or 4 day thing does ring a bell as this is how long alcohol can stay in the bloodstream. However I don't think these amounts of alcohol are anything to worry about but I would suggest being careful and not allowing it to increase.
Remember there is no one definition of a 'drink problem'. The question is whether the amount and frequency is causing problems, both for the drinker and those around them.

Al0uiseG · 06/06/2011 13:41

It's not really the volume or frequency but the impact on the behaviour of the drinker and their immediate family.

TrillianAstra · 06/06/2011 13:41

What does "can't" mean?

AlpinePony · 06/06/2011 13:41

YANBU. I think anyone who cannot go a day/week/month without alcohol without telling all of fb about it has a problem.

reelingintheyears · 06/06/2011 13:42

It's a misspelling of cun't.

hophophippidtyhop · 06/06/2011 13:46

3 pints is about 7.5 units, so more than 3 times a week drinking that amount and you've reached reccommended intake - a pint is usually 2.5 units if it's 4% strength.

Happymm · 06/06/2011 13:47

Reeling :o

cannydoit · 06/06/2011 13:50

i think not being able to go with out drinking 2 or 3 pints a day is a problem, going out once or twice a week nope but depends on your definition.

Itsjustafleshwound · 06/06/2011 13:53

YANBU - I don't know about the units/day thing but it would be raising some flags ....

Original poster

Atwaroverscrabble · 06/06/2011 18:04

Ok thanks everyone.... It's dh, he 'has'' to go for a drink pretty much every day... Always on his own and sometimes continues at home with a few cans or wine. Not as bad as it used to be but yes it is impacting other areas of our life... He has high blood pressure and a beer belly growing bigger too..

He makes promises to have a beer free week but always gives up after 2-3 days

OP posts:

diabolo · 06/06/2011 18:09

I prefer to go by the Italian idea of acceptable units per week - I think it's about 40 .

But seriously, I have a glass of wine most evenings, sometimes 2. I don't behave badly, I don't get "drunk", I haven't had a day off work ill for nearly 6 years. I don't drink during the day, I don't drink and drive. I'm size 10, slim and healthy.

So I don't really believe that I have a problem OP.

If as you say above, it is impacting on your DH's health and your relationship, then maybe he does have a problem, and if it's making you unhappy then you might want to take it further.

Happylander · 06/06/2011 18:18

My dad always had to go for a pint/5 and then drank at home. I have nothing to do with. It was pretty obvious to everyone, including us that he would rather be sat in the pub drinking than being with us. His drinking has impacted heavily on all 3 of his kids and has had a very negative effect.
His 3-4 everyday eventually went up more and more. Eventually leading to him being homeless and being thrown out of the Salvation Army as he would always try and sneak cans in and he now lives in some house share with other alcoholics. My siblings and I have nothing to do with him anymore and to be honest he was never a dad as he was in the pub or drinking. He has never wanted to stop and never will as he never could see that going to the pub everyday was an issue. Well it was to us and made us feel very unloved and unwanted by him. Do you want your children to feel like this? Harsh I know.

monkeyfacegrace · 06/06/2011 18:30

Ive just had a similar row wit my DH. I have prob 2/3 bottles of wine a week, depending on whats going on bbq's etc. I have a glass or 2 a night, and enjoy it once the kids have gone to bed.

He thinks its far far too much and Im en route to being an alcy.

I think fuck right off, Im just fine.

Is he being defensive because you go on about it a lot?

fuzzpigFriday · 06/06/2011 18:44

From the rest of your description OP I'd say definitely a problem, especially the drinking alone part.

And anyway, it's your DH, so if YOU think there is a problem, then there probably is.

Birdsgottafly · 06/06/2011 18:48

You put together two different senarios; drinking every 3-4 days and drinking 2-3 pints most days.

The first could signify a unfulfilled life in other areas, i know lots of single working men who do this. I know of people who have gone through a drinking phase but then found something else to do, so it wasn't a physical addiction, it was fulling a 'need' and alcohol is an easy way to do that.

He could have a problem but it cannot be diagnosed over the internet. I would be worried that the other affects that is having on your life is of no concern to him.

MixedClassBaby · 06/06/2011 19:40

I don't get the 'drinking alone' thing, fuzzpig. What if you live on your own? I enjoy a few glasses of wine alone when DP is out. I get all the nice squiffy feelings and the cat doesn't berate me in the morning for talking a load of shit or laugh at me for playing air guitar to ACDC

OP, if your DP is 'going for a drink' then presumably he's socialising to some extent with other pub regulars rather than drinking alone? It might just be his way of winding down and a couple of pints every day isn't excessive IMO. I think there's a big difference between popping into the pub regularly for a couple and propping up the bar every afternoon and evening.

Original poster

Atwaroverscrabble · 06/06/2011 20:00

He doesn't socialise, he deliberately switches between 4 pubs so he can sit in the corner alone and will move pubs if it's too busy...

He doesn't drink every 3 or 4 days, he drinks every day and when he decides he is cutting down he agrees to stopping for a week, makes a big deal of it but gives up after 3 days, and the day he hasn't been drinking it's usually because he has been on a night shift!

OP posts:

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