aibu re alcohol....

[Atwaroverscrabble]

aibu to think that if you cant go more than 3 or 4 days without a pint or two and you drink 2-3 pints most days at least that you have a drink problem?

From what you've said about the sheer amount of time he's spending in the pub I'm afraid that I don't believe for a second that he's only having two or three pints each time he's there. And I say that as a bloke who has spent a lot of his adult life in pubs.

I'd bet cold hard cash that's he's drinking a hell of a lot more than you think he is.

I also suspect that he's drinking enough that he's not properly sobering up in before he drinks again. Heavy drinking over a long period of time has a cumulative effect. He may not often seem particularly drunk to you but that's because I doubt you have ever seen him genuinely sober for any significant length of time. What you think of as "DH being normal" is very likely "DH at least a bit pissed".

Why are you still with him???

it always shocks me how little other people drink.

My friends and I are all single parents, self employed and have older kids.

We drink a lot, alone, and worry about it....

I thought everyone else did too.

my husband has couple of drinks every night once kids in bed we both work shifts opposite each other for childcare so he enjoys relaxing with a couple of drinks i dont thinks itsa big issue personally

whatever17, people who drink a lot tend to associate with other people who drink a lot. Within that social circle, the level of drinking appears normal. But in a wider context it may not be. Many people go through relatively heavy drinking phases in their late teens and early twenties but most people grow out of it, particularly once they have children.

According to this report from 2008, women drink around 9 units a week on average. That's one bottle of wine a week.

If you find that simple fact shocking, and particularly if you are already worrying about how much you're drinking, maybe it's time to do something about it.

It's very true that drinkers attract other drinkers, because it validates their own drinking.

I am an alcoholic who no longer drinks (one day at a time). I am astonished at the amount of people who don't drink much at all! The proportion of the population who drink sensibly is huge, I never saw it when I was drinking and assumed everyone did the same as me.

Only your dh can decide if he has a problem with alcohol, and absolutely nothing will make him stop or change his habits, it has to come from him and him alone. If you try to force him to stop when he's not ready the chances are that he will become deceitful about it, which is likely to be much worse for his health in the long run. Swigging neat vodka from a hidden bottle is going to cause much more liver damage than a couple of pints down the pub.

I also agree that he's already drinking more than he's admitting.

He's choosing to spend time alone in various pubs, everyday and evening instead of being at home with his family. This is every day not the odd night out and nor is it a couple of drinks when the kids have gone to bed. He is choosing booze over his family and is not partaking in the boring mundane stuff of family life and leaving it all to you. This will have a huge affect on your children. Plus your relationship is not good as he is too tired and he never spends any quality time with you.

I'd put it to him straight and give him some options e.g. no drinking in week and if he still chooses drink I would seriously consider asking him to move out until he can face up to the fact he has a problem and get some help.
It isn't nice for any kids to be around alcoholic parents and for those on here and that think he hasn't got a problem and his behaviour is okay then you are deluded.

I sympathise with u. My dh drinks similar amount 3-4cans every night after work. I got him to look at the government safe drink website and this amount of units is nearly dble the safe limit. He has no beer belly. We tried switching 1-2nights to no alcohol beers as he said he liked the taste. It helped a bit. I am also worried because his dad is a recovering alcoholic and he desparately doesn't want to end up like his dad. I can see a tendency to an addictive personality whether its his latest hobby or drinking. It can be vlonely living with someone who drinks as I too can't talk to my family as they would tell me I told you so. Hope u can talk to ur dh and gain some balance back in your vunbalanced relationship. You deserve me time &support too.