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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel really cross about a woman who looked me up & down? WWYD?

70 replies

garlicbutter · 05/06/2011 21:35

The scene: An extended family party - very extended, I knew about a third of the guests - in the afternoon. In short, civilised and sober. I was a co-host. I worked my way past a group standing near the door; one of the group was a woman I don't know: very, very striking, much younger than me, somewhat aristocratic in appearance and demeanour. She scanned me from head to foot!

It started as I approached the group, continued as I went past and she TURNED to finish the job, as she evidently hadn't done my ankles & feet before I passed. This was yesterday; I'm still feeling very WTF???!! about it!

I am dowdy, cheap & middle-aged. The last time this happened was aeons ago, when I felt smugly confident that whatever the scan found would meet whatever criteria. This time, I'm thinking - why? It's so RUDE! Should I have said something?
If so, what??

What would you do/think/say?

OP posts:
PhishFoodAddiction · 05/06/2011 21:44

Ah, I'd just try and forget it really. It's upsetting when you feel someone's judging you, but it says more about them than you really.

I say this gently but have you been feeling bad about yourself lately? I have very low self-esteem and find things like this will often bother me when I'm feeling bad. If I'm having a good day I just brush it off.

Have a Wine and try not to let it bother you. I see a lot of your posts and you seem lovely, so don't let a stranger's judginess bring you down.

HughManatee · 05/06/2011 21:45

A smug cow did this to me a few months ago, with a huge smirk on her face, so I went up to her, said: "What a silly thing to do!" in the sort of voice I use to speak to toddlers. She blushed and hurried away, oddly enough.

PS I bet you're not dowdy and cheap, even if you are middle-aged.

ballstoit · 05/06/2011 21:47

garlicbutter - was the party in Lincolnshire? And was the woman wearing a flowered fitted dress and impractical shoes? If so, she got us both Grin

worraliberty · 05/06/2011 21:49

She might have thought she knew you?

I've got a mate who always gets herself in trouble like that, but she's short sighted and never wears her glasses.

MumblingRagDoll · 05/06/2011 21:50

Ach no....you should not have said anything. Usually when people do this it's because there is SOMETHING about you which they envy. Think...what could it be?

chocdrop · 05/06/2011 21:51

I think often people do this without realising how rude it seems.

My DD's new friend (age 11) did this to me the other day and I found it so unnerving I asked my older daughter if I looked ok because I really thought I had a horrible stain on my trousers or something trapped in my teeth... My older daughter said, "It's just how she is, Mum. It's not you." It made me feel much better.

Original poster
garlicbutter · 05/06/2011 22:01

Oh, wow, what fab replies Grin

Phish, you might be right ... but it seriously is DECADES since I last experienced this and, though my reaction was different back then, it's still bloody rude!

ballstoit - no, but a very similar environment (agricultural wilderness). Perhaps we should start a Scanner blog to warn unsuspecting rural partygoers Wink

Hugh - I went up to her, said: "What a silly thing to do!" in the sort of voice I use to speak to toddlers
OH YES!!!! Thanks!!

OP posts:
tomhardyismydh · 05/06/2011 22:01

maybe she fancied you

troisgarcons · 05/06/2011 22:04

Stupid thread really WWYD? well what would you do 24 hours after the event? OOh let me guess, post here for hypothesis.

Aristocratic? that's your concept of being less worthy.

tomhardyismydh · 05/06/2011 22:06

post here for hypothesis.

and why not troisgarcons

thegruffalosma · 05/06/2011 22:06

Does anyone do this? I think you are maybe looking for something that isn't there. Sometimes I look at people. Maybe up and down, maybe down and up. I could be thinking that I like their outfit or anything. Try not to be so sensitive - it sounds like you could do with having a better opinion of yourself.

BobbaFettBountyHunter · 05/06/2011 22:07

I usually find a 'Had your eyeful' usually shames them.

MrsSchue · 05/06/2011 22:08

I was at a car boot sale yesterday and glanced into a suitcase that contained a lot of leather/pvc skirts. As I did so the stallholder smirked and said 'There ain't nothin' in there for you, luv'. (I am a size 32).

Funny how much these things hurt. A very un-MN'y ((hug)) for you, OP.

Original poster
garlicbutter · 05/06/2011 22:09

Umm, yeah, that's why I posted ...

Heh, 3garcons, I briefly considered that - but thought, no, you don't turn round to check the shoes unless you're judging, do you? Silly woman (her, not you.)

OP posts:
Original poster
garlicbutter · 05/06/2011 22:11

Blimey, MrsSchue Hmm I bet he loses a LOT of sales! I suppose he looked like a cross between Arnie & Pitt?

OP posts:
ballstoit · 05/06/2011 22:11

Maybe there's a whole 'Scanner' team at work...

geraldinetheluckygoat · 05/06/2011 22:12

I often stare at people when I like what they are wearing or think they are nice looking or whatever....so could've been that!

Mandy2003 · 05/06/2011 22:13

I would have said to the car-booter "Actually, I was looking for something for my partner!"

MrsSchue · 05/06/2011 22:17

Actually, I buy to sell on eBay and since PVC goes really well, I might well have bought his whole stock.

But instead, I slunk away, and spent the next ten minutes thinking of all the things I should have said Grin!

thegruffalosma · 05/06/2011 22:17

That's what I was saying Geraldine. A stare is a stare. If you thought you were stunning OP you might have thought that she was looking at you because she was jealous but because you don't seem to think much of yourself you assume she thought it too.
It's a free country - people can look wherever they want.

Bunnynamedstanely · 05/06/2011 22:21

If I look ladies up and down (hopefully discreetly!) it is usually because I like the outfit and am wondering where the person bought such and such or admiring how the ensemble was put together. I would just assume that she was admiring your general air of elan. Maybe she was thinking 'goodness me there's that wonderful woman who has arranged this fabulous party!'

geraldinetheluckygoat · 05/06/2011 22:22

Wow what a twat he was, MrsSchue!!

onceamai · 05/06/2011 22:23

I know I'm guilty of this and please believe me, it's usually when I think someone is looking really pretty, or wearing something that really matches well.

AngryBeaver · 05/06/2011 22:23

I also do this sometimes,and get myself in bother. I don't mean too!I have rubbish eyesight and need to wear my glasses more often. I squint and frown and study people. Sometimes poeple just drift off and don't think about what theyre doing...looking but not seeing if you know what I mean?
Don't worry about it Smile

stripeywoollenhat · 05/06/2011 22:24

i think you should assume she was checking you out. she wasn't looking at your shoes, she was looking at your legs. next time, look her up and down back, and then give just a small, rueful shake of your head...