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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel really cross about a woman who looked me up & down? WWYD?

70 replies

garlicbutter · 05/06/2011 21:35

The scene: An extended family party - very extended, I knew about a third of the guests - in the afternoon. In short, civilised and sober. I was a co-host. I worked my way past a group standing near the door; one of the group was a woman I don't know: very, very striking, much younger than me, somewhat aristocratic in appearance and demeanour. She scanned me from head to foot!

It started as I approached the group, continued as I went past and she TURNED to finish the job, as she evidently hadn't done my ankles & feet before I passed. This was yesterday; I'm still feeling very WTF???!! about it!

I am dowdy, cheap & middle-aged. The last time this happened was aeons ago, when I felt smugly confident that whatever the scan found would meet whatever criteria. This time, I'm thinking - why? It's so RUDE! Should I have said something?
If so, what??

What would you do/think/say?

OP posts:
vintageteacups · 05/06/2011 22:25

I think she was jealous too - thinking to herself;

"wow, she seems so confident and looks so happy - I wish I didn't look done up to the nines, I feel so awkward." etc

WhatsWrongWithYou · 05/06/2011 22:28

I get this sometimes - just quietly amuses me now but I used to dwell on it, thinking wtf? Someone did it to me recently and I caught her eye and smiled and she just carried on looking for a second, then turned away. Bizarre, especially since I was in an office with her for the whole morning.

I can honestly say I never noticed it happening until I was about 39 with three DCs. Don't know if that's relevant, just thought I'd throw it in!

fedupofnamechanging · 05/06/2011 22:32

If this sort of thing happens again, walk back up to her and say you came to give her a second look, as she didn't have time to finish the job first time around!

She might be short sighted though and not have her glasses on. My mum stares at people, but only because she can't see them without her specs on

rubyrubyruby · 05/06/2011 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lubberlich · 05/06/2011 22:33

I would have looked her straight in the eye and flicked at my nostril with a finger and said in very serious tone "Er I hate to say this but you've got a very big y'know dangling here ..."
She will immediately collapse into horrified bogey panic mode and scarper to the loo. Everyone has their weak spot - bogies are pretty universal.

cybbo · 05/06/2011 22:34

If someone looked me up and down I would always presume they were jealous

But then I am a dreadful big head

teraspawn · 05/06/2011 22:40

I tend to go with "see anything you like?"

Partly because if the person is actually thinking about how nice my outfit is or thinking that I'm cute it gives us an opportunity to strike up a nice conversation.

baskingseals · 05/06/2011 22:44

did you feel a bit wobbly at this do?
i find that if i'm feeling cool, calm and collected i don't really care what other people do or what they think of me, but if i feel unsure of myself then i'm more sensitive to other people.

i think this woman made you feel uncomfortable because of how you feel about yourself.

remember that Elinor Rosevelt quote 'nobody makes you feel inferior without your consent'

you have a right to be the person you are.

Original poster
garlicbutter · 05/06/2011 22:54

There are some brilliant ripostes here! I'm going to memorise them all, on the assumption there will be another Scanner at some other time to come ... Grin

All good, and I have to give a namecheck to stripeywoollenhat for next time, look her up and down back, and then give just a small, rueful shake of your head... Made me guffaw very loudly.

Those of you saying I'm imagining it/being hypersensitive - no, I'm talking about deliberate, obvious, head-to-foot scanning. Perhaps you've not experienced it - in which case, you're welcome to take my place at the next party Wink

OP posts:
Greenstocking · 05/06/2011 22:54

Wow.

I couldn't care less if people look me up and down and when they do I know it's because I look hot! Grin

Your problem is not the woman who was looking but yourself. If you think you are dowdy - change!

Original poster
garlicbutter · 06/06/2011 00:36

Nah, I don't want to. I chose dowdy, and I do it rather well imo Wink
She wasn't just looking, she was doing a highly deliberate, head to foot, bad-mannered examination.

Tbh, I've given a very close look to women who exemplify an appearance I'd like to emulate or avoid. But not like that! As it happens, my friend and I admired this woman's hair so anyone might have seen us scrutinising her locks. But there's a difference.

I don't think I've ever done that slow, detailed, head-to-foot thing. Umm, except perhaps when the Diet Coke Man was standing in front of me Blush

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 06/06/2011 00:40

How you doing? (think maybe she fancied you?)

spiderslegs · 06/06/2011 01:02

I do this all the time, usually because I think the woman in questions looks bloody good & I just want another look.

If there was a sneer implied, bollocks to her, no doubt someone will scrutinise her in that way one day too.

Plus ca change.

TheShriekingHarpy · 06/06/2011 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheShriekingHarpy · 06/06/2011 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tabliope · 06/06/2011 09:37

I had this done once to me by Kate Moss of all people in a hotel. I had a £1 t shirt on and was carrying a Next bag. I just thought she was immature and did a half smile as I turned away. Not sure what she was trying to achieve - make me feel uncomfortable and that I didn't belong probably. I had lots more confidence then and it didn't bother me, I was also young and a lot more attractive then (it was a long time ago). OP the woman is probably very insecure. Whatever her problem don't let it bother you. She was just rude so hold your head up and if you meet her again and she does it again just raise your eyebrows at her in disbelief.

Fecklessdizzy · 06/06/2011 10:10

I got caught out doing that in the playground once! Blush

I was absent-mindedly wondering if I could get away with some trousers like this lass was wearing and she turned round and asked me why I was staring at her bum ... Aaaargh!

ensure · 06/06/2011 10:41

Eep. I am always daydreaming and coming to to discover some stranger glaring at me because my eyes were gazing towards them even though I wasn't actually looking at them.

Well, not always, but I did do it on the bus on Friday and it was very embarrassing.

LittleMissFlustered · 06/06/2011 12:18

Wasn't me. If I'm doing a clothes scan it's usually a prelude to an "excuse me, where'd you get the bag/belt/frock from, 'tis fab!" outburst.

There's a lot to be said for being gobby :o

MrsSchue, the correct response to the asshat at the carboot would have been "Nothing for me? I can sew sweetcheeks, I'll look fucking fantastic in this lot next weekend" Wink

FreudianSlipper · 06/06/2011 12:50

isn't this about how you feel about yourself

maybe she liked what you were wearing, thought she recognised you or wasn't aware how obvious she was

i would not bother given it anymore thought as she has no doubt forgotten all about it though would question why i thought so little of myself

valiumredhead · 06/06/2011 12:55

Why presume she is judging you? Maybe she was admiring you.

This says mush more about how you feel about yourself than how others see you imo.

mittenkitten · 06/06/2011 13:21

"Take a picture -- it'll last longer." (v. immature.)

Meh, I think it's rude and if you've done any reading on primate behaviour (yes, really!) you know that we are wired to take being stared at by a stranger as essentially hostile.

I admit I too am absent-minded and have stared at people while trying frantically to remember if I have met them, but there's a diff between that and the smirking head-to-toe appraisal. (Eg my probable deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression!)

aliceliddell · 06/06/2011 13:29

maybe she fancies cheap, dowdy middle aged women. Add wheelchair and I could be in there. Did you get her number? Wink

QualiaQuale · 06/06/2011 13:41

someone LOOKED at you? Shock I can barely stand the horror, get counselling immediately!

Hmm
PharoahNuff · 06/06/2011 13:42

SOMEONE LOOKED AT YOU!