Alpha Male

[suetheslut]

to ask what this means, exactly? What is an Alpha Male?

'He does not care what other people think about him and therefore is a very confident person. I suppose he can be a bit intimidating if you don't know him, yet those who do look to him for help and tend to follow his lead.

He won't suffer fools and will tell them so, but can take it as well as dish it out.'

I'm not sure that not caring what other people think about you is necessarily a good thing. Also, not suffering fools is often code for not considering other people's views or feelings.

Tall, strong, good-looking, intelligent.

I don't get on with alpha males. I've worked with a lot of them. I don't like them.

They think they are assertive, they are actually aggressive.
They think they are natural leaders who get things done, they are actually bullies.
They lack the personality aspects to round them off - empathy, compassion, that stuff. They don't have the "softer" side to them and this grates on me.

I have always found it good to motivate people by treating them well, and encouraging them. And have watched aghast as people whose modus operandi is making other people (women basically) burst into tears are promoted swiftly.

Now I know that part of this is my problem - I just don't know how to handle them. I have never known how to handle confrontational bullying types. I find the hard to deal with. I do not do "cowed" or "awed" and they don't like it, which has caused a lot of friction.

Although this personality type is seen as positive in a lot of business environments, in real life the poster who said upthread that they are normally disliked has it I think.

"Tall, strong, good-looking, intelligent."

This is my DH, but he's not an alpha male.

The reason you have had a bit of "go and google it" is because you don't seem to be wanting to engage in conversation.

Tell us the contaxt of where you have heard it, ask a question about it, and we will tell you what we think the person saying it meant, and discuss the origins of the phrase and what we take it to mean nowadays.

If you just say "what does x mean" and don't want to chat then go get a dictionary.

Sardine Queem, have we worked in the same places? I find "alpha males" really, really, really hate confident, obviously competent women. They simply don't know how to handle them so react by beating their chest repeatedly.

SQ - I should have added - 'confident'

Interesting replies.

I used to be the "nice guy" as I used to think that being nice was the way to win women's hearts. Cue many years of frustration being platonic friends with women whilst they shagged the bad boys.

I've since learned that nice guys finish last and it's the alpha male's who generally win. Since I stopped being the nice guy, my success rate went through the roof.

An alpha male to me is a confident natural leader. He's the one other men turn to for advice, he's the one who is confident enough in his own skin, comfortable to let's other's make decisions but can take charge if needed. He's the one who will defend those weaker than himself without hesitation and sociable to virtually everyone.

Being an alpha male doesn't mean you have to bully others or uncaring. But it does mean sometimes he understands you can't please everyone and that sometimes despite best intentions, feelings will get hurt as being the leader means you have to sometimes make unpopular decisions.

slug well it's certainly true that I generally get on very well with people that I work with but I always have problems with this type. I won't bat my eyelids and tell them how fabulous they are and they hate it. Why the hell should I? Cue much antagonism.

If people are basing it on the animal world then I suppose many people do the human equivalent of that thing dogs do where they roll over and show their tummy to the pack leader, to show that they are submissive. Don't do that and you get a barney. I'm fucked if I'm massaging some blokes ego just because he's a certain type. He will be treated the same as everyone else. If he doens't like it that's his problem. (Well and in the end it's my problem, obv, as it's work and it makes things hard, but I'm simply not going to do it. I can't bring myself to).

No slug - Alpha males are not threatened by anyone - that's the whole point!

Alpha males are threatened by anyone they perceive as a threat, or anyone who does not show the desired level of submission.

The men being talked about by some on this thread are quite different to the "alpha males" I have met.

Am I alone in thinking to concept of an alpha male in human society a bit well - eugh? Sorry to be so inarticulate, but I don't think there's actually a single word to describe the feeling of wanting to draw my skirts away and make a moue of distaste.

I think a man describing himself as an Alpha Male equals pr*ck, bully etc.

However, some of my friends describe my DH as Alpha Male, whilst I am not sure exactly what that means, and I woudl not agree, I do not think they eman to insult me or DH. I "think" they mean to say he is his own person, does his own thing, doesn't accept authority automatically.

I've been in love with Heathcliff from the age of about 10 - It was the first book I read properly (apart from the secret seven/famous five/malory towers ) He is an alpha male to me. My dh is as close to him as I could get.

PrimanScreeam, I'm with SardineQueen here. Alpha males do see anyone who does not submit appropriately as a threat. I think the level of submission expected from a woman is different from that expected from a man. If you work in a male dominated area and are obviously competent, prepared to stand your ground when challenged, and don't resort to the more female ways of stroking the male ego then in my experience, they simply don't know how to react.

Alpha males are the top dogs. they are there because, mostly, of their personalities. However, they do have a vested interest in keeping their position. They may protect the weak but they get confused when someone who they feel ought to be weak (i.e. a woman) does not conform.

I suspect that people are working from different definitions. Those with a kinder view of what alpha male means would probably (sensibly) describe the sort of men that slug and I are talking about as aggressive bullies.

That doesn't explain why they do so well in business though - if alpha male means someone who gets promoted quickly, is perceived by management as a leader and someone who gets things done etc then IME in some industries this does = bully.

I suppose 'alpha male' means different things to different people - to me it means strong ( of mind and body ) confident, a bit egotistical, passionate, caring, kind - basically having everything that's needed to be a 'wow' human.

I have no time for nerdy cowards who suck up to people just to get on.
And the biggest bullies I have ever met have all - without exception, been female.

primalscream - so are you saying that a woman can't be a "wow' human being?

I tend to the view that the "A" in Alpha Male stands for "Arsehole".

But then I've little time for people who willingly categorise themselves so stupidly.

How is being egotistical a "wow" quality?

The fact that you even think that indicates maybe that the reason you like these people is because you behave in the way that they want when you are with them. ie awed, submissive basically

So you bat your eyelids at them, they pat you on the head, everything's rosy....

Yes of course women can be 'wow' humans - they're alpha females.

I've just never come across a man who has bullied a female in the workplace, but I've come across females who bully both men and women.
I would rather work for a man than a woman anyday. I find women a lot more manipulative and downright horrible in some cases. ( just my experience )

I think the 'Alpha' tag is something that isn't really defineable. A person just has 'it'. From my experience and in my opinion, an Alpha person, male or female, is someone who is automatically listened to and deferred to. They're not necessarily the loudest people, but they are confident and self-assured. It's not down to 'looks' as those are subjective from person to person, but it's a 'quality' that many people seem to think they have, or attribute to people close to them - which could be for 'reflected glory' - but they really don't have it.

Or there's the ape theory.... we're so closely allied to the animal kingdom, no place more so than here on MN, packs, 'Alphas', pseudo-Alphas... fascinating.

Lucky you PrimalScream. It's endemic in my industry. But then I work in a male dominated area and the boys tend to get a little worried when the women not only start taking the jobs they see as their own, but have the inconsiderate habit of being extremely competent and showing them up.

And Alpha females are universally respected and looked up to and considered 'wow" human beings are they? Can I come and live on your planet?