My ex driving three year old in front seat of car with active air bags!

[JOGE]

Hi,
My ex took me to court last year for increased contact. FYI (he has always seen his daughter three times a week, this is now every other weekend, tea in the week. Long weekend Spring and week holiday in Summer) He didn't get what he wanted.
A couple of days later he informed me that he was going to start driving our daughter in the front of his old sports car with active airbags.
I was devastated as this is not illegal so I can do nothing to stop him.
I have tried to appeal to him and wrote a letter explaining how dangerous this is, I included many articles from numerous sources with facts to back up my concerns. He has refused to listen.
We are due back in court in a couple of weeks as now wants seven weeks holiday.
I would really like the next contact order to state that he can't drive our daughter in the front seat of a car until she is older.
Am I being unreasonable? All I want is for him to sell his sports car and buy something that is safer for transporting a child.
Any advice would be very welcome.

I agree it is difficult to let go and having your child away from you when they are so young is scary and un natural. Thank you for your comments I have moved on as we were never together really just find this particular issue hard to deal with. I promise I don't sweat the small details as realise we have very different parenting ideas and have to trust he looks after her. Feel this issue is a personal attack directed to upset me.

Dangerous to be in front seat as a 3 year old with an active airbag.
YANBU OP.
Your ex is behaving in a risky manner

Joge - don't get me wrong, I know this issue has a massive personal resonance for you, and he may well be being an arse of the biggest order and using it to wind you up to bejeezus.

Unfortunately, that's also what ex's do (well mine does) - he knows the buttons to push for me and he does so, frequently.

And I do understand and I honestly am not trying to have a go, but I've been there (not with car seats but similar stuff where the ex does something I have literally begged him in tears not to do).

Now you have made me cry! I just wish this whole phase was over it's so hard. All I want is for her to see her dad and be happy and safe. Roll on the next twenty years when she can decide all these things for herself 

Joge - I hate to tell you this, but it gets worse. She won't do what you want, she'll dress too short and too old looking, slabber on far too much make up and look like a cheap hooker in drag, she'll make risky decisions that'll keep you up all night, she'll drive to fast, take lifts from boyfriends with deathtraps on wheels, get drunk and phone you at 4am stuck in the arseholebackofbeyond wanting a lift home.

Oh god better get out my bullet proof vest

Yip.

And she needs bullet proof knickers as well (joke)

I'll order those now and the hair dye think I'm gonna go grey

Get gin/wine/whiskey/valium all of them. you'll need them.

On the plus side, they all LOVE you at 3am when you pick them up from some totally unsuitable club. Honest they really really do, your FAB the best mum ever just the best.

And then they vomit out the side of the car.....

Joge, I don't think yabu at all, there is plenty of info out there that suggests if you are small then air bags can do more harm than good, and have actually contributed to the deaths of some people, you can turn most airbags off. Whilst as you have said it is not illegal, it is also not illegal to smoke in bed, or take the battery out the smoke alarm but people would think you were mad to do so and in doing so would put yourself and your family in danger. If your ex is justing ignoring your concerns than I I were you I would be speaking to my lawyer. If you ex thinks it is safe with the airbag than surely he should have a counter arguement which you can both discuss

Thanks his counter argument is that I am blackmailing him

With the contact?

No I have never stopped contact nor would I no just said I wasn't God and was blackmailing him. He is not very bright.

That's what I thought you meant - that he perceives it as you blackmailing him?

I think sometimes, and I'm going to get flamed for this but it's my experience, that the non-resident parent uses contact or lack of it as a control mechanism. My ex does. He makes me feel guilty if I don't fit in with what he wants - for example this weekend I was away with my DP on a dirty weekend and the ex wanted me to take the kids Saturday and today, I had to say no, so he told me I didn't care about my kids

What I'm saying probably really badly is that he maybe feels controlled by the access he has to your daughter and he'd like more, or different access and because he's not the parent with care, he can't get it.

Maybe but he insisted on the contact order not me which has a tendency to fix contact. However I have always tried to accommodate him and let him have her when he asks outside of this order dirty weekend !! What are they :) if when I need someone to look after DD and think being nice will ask him first so he can see more of her thinks he is doing me a favour can't bloody win.:(

wow, if your ex is more concerned about blackmail. (Not sure how you are blcakmailing him by the way but can see he might feel that you are trying to control his visits) then he isn't putting your child's safety first. he doesn't sound very bright at all to be honest. I really feel for you as car safety is so important. At some point I feel I may fall out with my Dp family as they seem to think seat belts are important and to me the air bag being turned off is on the same par.

I would like like to add one thing here, about the "unnatural" aspect of a small child being away from their mother. At least the ex H in this case is WANTING child contact. Blimey, how lucky is your DD to have two parents who want to spend time with her! Really, I would say as a complete outsider, your ex H is displaying NATURAL parenting tendencies - ie, wanting more and and more of her and possibly resenting you for seeing much more of her than he does and that is the root of all this.

We have never lived together so it's not like she was ripped from his arms. A child is not a possession that you own half. Of course it is important that she has a relationship with her father. There also many other things she will want in her life school, clubs, friends, family, and god forbid time for herself. I have an older daughter who given half a chance would be with her friends than me. I do not take this personally it means I am raising a healthy happy working towards bring independent child. The job I assume of a parent.

I want to stress once again that I am not anti fathers I think they are very very important and crucial in a child's development.

fuckmepink "...the non-resident parent uses contact or lack of it as a control mechanism..."

I have an idea that a resident parent was once known to do that as well.

Piglet - good point. I personally don't but my ex does. So that's what prompted me to write it that way round iyswim?

And I did begin the quote with "it's my experience" which you left off the beginning when you copied the quote.

I thought not putting children in the front seat with activated airbags was on a par with babies sleeping on their backs. Just standard important advice that everyone knew.

I don't think it's against the law either for babies to sleep on their fronts but it's still (I assume) a non negotiable for most people.