TO ASK WOMEN. In haVING EVERYTHING; DO YOU END UPDOING DOING EVERYTHING/

[ScousyFogarty]

yOU have all heard the phrase about "having everything" career, family etc Someone came upwith a clever saying "we have everything; but we end up doing everything" (I assume it was about doing job and housework) I should imagine there is a lot of that going on. But you would know better than me.

You have clearly taken it seriously. Incidentally, Tony Blair did not like Germaine Greers idea of paying housewives to be at home for young children. WHAT DO YOU LOT THINK?

Do we have any women on here who earn more than their husbands, work full time and still end up doing the housework/chores more than their men? Or is it if you earn much less than someone the power balance shifts and he can and does exploit you? Does it perhaps all come down to the value women place on themselves, their ability to earn a fortune or not and their economic reliance on men in return for provision of sex housework and childcare?

My wife earned more than me for some time. To be honest, I was a bit miffed;but not seriously so.

"their economic reliance on men in return for provision of sex housework and childcare?"

interesting point. but i don't see my marriage in those terms. when i returned to work after our 2nd child was born, it became clear pretty quickly that it wasn't working out and that in our circumstances it would be better for our kids if one of us was a full time carer to them.

dh and i earned pretty much the same and both liked our jobs. however, because of our personalities/abilities etc it made more sense for me to stay at home so that's what we agreed. i don't think of myself as being economically reliant on dh and i don't suppose he thinks of himself as being reliant on me for sex housework and childcare. we have a partnership which we both feel works for our family. the issue with us, though, being that i tend to feel like his job ends at 9pm when he gets home, whereas mine doesn't end til about 11pm when i go to bed.

morebeta, something to think about there, thank you!

xenia- yes, I am in that situation, because my partner works more hours than I do in paid employment as he works for himself. His income is very erratic, with large droughts between massive cheques, but this is normal when working for oneself. He works every evening after a full day's work- he is not sitting relaxing whilst I do the chores.
He couldn't work for himself unless I had a steady, good income, but the pay-off when he makes it big will mean never needing to work again.

I suspect it's harder to negotiate a fair deal over chores and the amount of hours you work if you earn less than your other half. However I would hope most people are in loving relationships where instead they try to ensure things are evenly balanced even if one works very few hours and earns loads and the other works very hard for a pittance.

I do think the key is division of jobs and not helping the other person and waiting to be asked for that help.

Secondly marry someone with similar standards to you - I did so we didn't really argue about domestic stuff as both were quite tidy, organised, hard working. If you're both slobs that's fine too.

Thirdly if you can as a woman earn a small fortune it certanily helps to buy in help. We found with the 3 teenagers life was better when someone else was ni most days clearing their rooms. Awful to write that of course (to let teenagers make mess and pay someone to clear up - although that is helping the economty, helping feed another family etc so not necessarily wrong) and amazingly those 3 who have all now graduated are not messy or unhelpful at all but were to an extent in the teen years.

Also some people who aren't happy can use these issues and complaints over these things to mask other more fundamental issues they find they can't talk to their other half about and the chores thing is just a smokescreen for something else like lack of time for each other, hating each other's guts, no sex or whatever the issue is.

Xenia A very well thought out post. As a mere male what do I know? Quiet a lot actually, but pressure of time is upon me. I dive about, because I prefer it to being bored and wan.. What is this life so full of rush/ I chased a robin round a bush

(if that were a metaphor I think they are an endangered plant, even more so than marital sex within some mumsnet marriages)