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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask:Do you buy your own presents to save disappointment?

21 replies

LordOfTheFlies · 05/06/2011 00:37

Its my birthday today- need a cake to go with the Brew.
I ordered nice earrings and nice eyeliner as presents for my DCs to wrap for me. I usually get myself something online (joint account) from DH.
That way I get something useful that I would want.I know I'm not helping my DH/DCs to become better present buyers but sometimes lifes too short.
Does anyone else do this?
Must convince DS to buy nice things or I'll never get him married offHmm

OP posts:
A1980 · 05/06/2011 00:40

I don't get presents anymore.

I don't ask and I dont' want. If I want something I'll buy it myself. But if people want to get me something then that's there choice.

Happy Birthday though.

A1980 · 05/06/2011 00:42

*their choice Grin

I'm tired and losing the ability to type. Off to bed.

worraliberty · 05/06/2011 00:46

Happy Birthday Grin

No, it's totally pointless buying your own presents. They're not presents..they're just things you've bought for yourself and you could do that any time of year.

Having said that, I'm really grateful for the silliest little thing anyone buys me. It really is the thought that counts.

Having said that (again lol!) I really don't mind if my DH and the kids don't buy me anything because they'll always bring me breakfast in bed or pitch in and make a nice dinner..and that means more to me than something to unwrap.

It's how they treat you all year round that matters IME...not on the anniversary of the day your Mum popped you out Grin

penguin73 · 05/06/2011 00:53

I do an Amazon list of suggestions purely because DH goes completely OTT otherwise, or gets grumpy and stressed trying to think of things to get. After 3 years I gave up saying I didn't want anything as he refused to believe that I did actually mean it and would buy something anyway which was invariably too expensive and would never be used. DS I leave to it as he is really good at choosing things for people and we have similar tastes in music and film and spend a lot of time talking about books and things that we both like.

Happy birthday btw :)

chubbly · 05/06/2011 01:04

Happy Birthday! I don't get presents either. DH and I put money towards holidays, so instead of a big Christmas we go away.
But if someone does want to get me anything, often mil, we go shopping and she pays for something I want. Makes me feel about 10 but in a nice way.

DontCallMePeanut · 05/06/2011 01:06

Happy birthday! Grin

I buy my own, wrap my own, and write in my own card... Grin the joy of having a toddler. Although, last year, he made me a card at the childminders. :) Which he later managed to destroy :(

Morloth · 05/06/2011 01:30

I tell DH what I want and where to get it.

This cuts out all the crap with guessing and hinting and wanting and we both end up happy.

DontCallMePeanut · 05/06/2011 01:32

Oh god, even xP couldn't get it right when I was with him... Hmm Number of ties he bought me a bottle of lambrigni and a box of chocolates... when I hate chocolate and don't drink... And that was AFTER being told...

JarethTheGoblinKing · 05/06/2011 01:38

Happy Birthday

DP has obviously got to the point where he feels like he doesn't need to make an effort anymore. I didn't expect much, but a box of chocolates or a bunch of flowers 'from' DS would have been enough. He did NOTHING.

I wouldn't EVER buy myself a birthday present from the joint account. Are you trying to make him think he doesnt need to bother, and that you'll take care of everything yourself??

In the end, this year, DP took the hint and got me a Wii Fit (which I really like). He recently said 'Oh, I need to pay that off the credit card, I'll take it out of the joint account OK..'

Erm... fucking NO. I buy all his presents out of my own (PT) earnings. If he;s buying me a bday present he can frigging well pay for it out of his own cash.

You doormat.

Original poster
LordOfTheFlies · 05/06/2011 01:39

My DD makes me cards and made me a bead necklace because she's that kind of sweet,caring little girl.Also its her birthday this month so she gets a bit excited.
DS didn't buy or make me a card last year-little turd- good job I love him dearly.So dropped subtle threats hints this year. Did the trick.

OP posts:
1Catherine1 · 05/06/2011 02:45

Happy Birthday...

I would be glad for any gift from my OH, in the 4 years I've known him he has failed to buy me a single birthday gift. He still jokes that he thinks my birthday is the 3rd of August rather than the second as he knows how much it irritates me. This year I missed his birthday but in all fairness I had given birth exactly 2 week before - If he had an excuse that good I'd accept it.

I do tend to buy my own gift a couple of days later with his money but if asked it is "a gift from myself as others couldn't be bothered". To me it really isn't about what the gift is - I'd just like to know he had remembered and had taken the time and thought to consider what I'd like, even if he got it completely wrong.

I guess it depends on how you see presents. If it is an excuse for material possessions then buying for yourself is quicker and easier but if it is a gesture then is achieves nothing.

bipolarchick · 05/06/2011 02:52

Happy Birthday

TheBride · 05/06/2011 02:58

Amazon wish list is your friend Grin.

My entire family have one. It's a game changer. You still get surprises, but they're ones you actually want.

Honeydragon · 05/06/2011 03:58

These threads never end well Smile, even those who expect and ask for nothing get accused of being horrid and materialistic and a bunfight ensues. Last year I bought my birthday gift from the dcs helped wrap it then Ds sprinkled me with amnesia dust so I had a lovely surprise on my birthday.

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 05/06/2011 04:03

Yup. I say "For my birthday I want x shoes in x size and x colour." Unless there's nothing I particularly need in which case I just get a card. It's silly to get 'disappointed' over birthdays. Just say what you want if it's a big deal for you!

TheMostBeautifulPoster · 05/06/2011 05:02

Yes amazon wish list ok IF you haven't got stuff for other people on there. Hem

TheMostBeautifulPoster · 05/06/2011 05:04

I think to hint or buy then ask for it later is fine. TO WRAP it as well is taking the piss. Has he not hands?!

JaneBennet · 05/06/2011 08:45

I, too, am past being disappointed by birthday/Christmas/anniversary presents. I now tell DH what I would like (or give him a few options). I've done the whole subtle hint thing, doesn't work. I draw the line at wrapping and/or card buying.

My DC are brilliant at getting presents, always very thoughtful - DD(4) even knows which type of smellies I like. I've trained them well, I feel.

ChasingSquirrels · 05/06/2011 08:49

Happy Birthday.

Since my ex left 3 years ago I buy myself a nice birthday present that is something I want but hesitate over spending so much money on.
The boys get me little some-things (both ex and my mum take them shopping - although the ones from my mum have replaced the little-somethings she would get me) and my mum asks me what I want and gets me that from her and my dad.
Friends also give me little-somethings.

I like my birthday presents to myself :)

BulletWithAName · 05/06/2011 08:52

No, I just tell him what I want and he buys it or gives me money to buy it. It makes birthdays so much more pleasant- he doesn't get the shit nagged out of him for buying me a crappy gift, and I get the new handbag/dress/jewellery that I've been coveting. Honestly, I don't understand why people don't do this.Saves a whole lot of resentfulness.
Most men (in my experience) don't take a hint well- you have to come out and just tell them what you want!

WidowWadman · 05/06/2011 08:55

No, but then my husband is brlliant at choosing presents

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