Well I've done the SAHP thing, the breadwinner thing, and the part time thing - I like to think I have been blessed with seeing this from all sides during my time as a parent to small children!
I never was particularly opinionated about what was the "right choice" - there's no such thing. just what's right for each couple. which, frankly, on the couple themselves will know the details about.
However my eyes have been well and truly hardened to wonder how naive a SAHM is being when she gives up any form of working outside the home.
I'm sorry to say it, because it pains me to point out the number of Relationship threads where the story follows the same old, old pattern:
- Woman gives up paid work to look after DCs (due to pressure from OH, or because she genuinely wants to, or it makes more financial sense, and all the reasons inbetween)
- She may be happy or sad at various points, whatever
- ... DH involved in accident, illness, bad financial decisions, affair, whatever
- Woman ends up financially fucked due to having few NI contributions, no pension in her name.
The fact that I've seen this happen to my own mum (in her case, my dad's workplace accident) made me realise in my late 20s that this was a rare, exceptional, sad thing.
What I've realised being on MN the last few years is that this isn't an exceptional thing.
A significant proportion of SAHMs throw their (and their children's) financial security in with their partners. In a number of cases, this tactic works out just fine.
But in so, so many cases, it doesn't.
There is far too much poverty brought on by sticking to the "nuclear" family setup of 1 SAHP and 1 WOHP that MN has confirmed my thoughts that my mum's situation was avoidable, with the benefit of hindsight.
It upsets me to see this scenario played out again and again and again on here.
And it all stems from the (longterm) labour specialisation that so many MNers think is a wise decision - because they don't see the longterm advantages/disadvantages of their choice. It's short sighted thinking at its worst.
So, yes, MN has changed me on this score. Not from debate, but from seeing desperate posters who through no fault of their own, end up homeless, no earning power, and relying on the CSA (etc) or their DH's sickness benefits/compensation payments to get them by for years to come. Sad, avoidable, and depressing.