to ditch the dummies, due to my DD's behaviour?

[LifeIsButtercream]

Ok, bear with me I am near the end of my tether on this one!

DD is 2.1, and has a dummy strictly only for nap/bedtimes, however in the past few weeks she has started using it as an attention-seeking tactic.

She will go happily to bed with her dummy, but within 10-15mins she will start grumbling for her dummy, and I'd go up to find it on the floor, NOT in a place it could have fallen/bounced to by itself, i.e thrown out. DD is in a bed without a side, so I coached her a bit in how to get out of her bed herself, so she could get it back herself. Problem resolved for a few days.

For the past 2 weeks, however, she has started posting the dummy down the wall side of the bed, meaning I have to go in, pull out the draws under her bed, find the kitchen tongs (only things I can reach with), retrieve dummy, wash it and return it. I'm up to return number 7 tonight........

When I go into her room she is giggling and looking very pleased with herself, I'm starting to think she has me playing a merry game - I'm pretty sure its not falling by accident as once she is asleep it doesnt get lost at all and she is down for the night.

AIBU to say to her that if she 'loses' her dummy one more time she will not be having it back and will have to manage without it? I've been hoping to get rid of it (via the dummy fairy) soon anyway, I don't like her having one and it has been for sleep only since she was 10m.

Seems to me that she has clearly decided that she no longer needs it, but appears to have cottoned on to the emotional impact it has on you - i.e. She's figured out that you'll be in the room until it's found. The progression of this behaviour that you have described is testament to this.

You say that you want to remove the dummy anyway, I can't believe you haven't already used these CLEAR signals that she is sending you to do that.

Get rid of it. Next time it gets chucked away, in whatever, just tell her that you are taking it downstairs as she clearly doesn't want it and leave her to it.

YANBU - take it away.

I've tried to put her down for a nap without it before, she sobbed and sobbed and got very upset, it's almost like she is saying "you know I need a dummy to sleep, so you have to come and give it back to me"

I know I should tough it out, I just feel like a mean mum

We're all mean sometimes - it's not a game and no fun for you. She will learn and be OK - no long term emotional scarring from sobbing into your pilllow for a night - harsh but true

I've just gone and given it back to her, but came down to her eye height and told her that this dummy is her last one, and if she loses it, it won't be coming back so she needs to take very good care of it, she settled down, I popped my head round the door 2 seconds later and she is is asleep with her hand cupped over it in her mouth.

I think the dummy fairy will be visiting in the next few days.........

Take it away, or just ignore her and leave the bedroom door closed. If you keep going in, you are just being led a merry dance...

Buy a couple more dummies and leave them strewn on her bed? Or maybe tie onto a cuddly toy or something that's too big to go down the side of the bed.

Little buggers aren't they. My DS did exactly the same at same age. He was 2.4 when dummy fairy came He was also in bed (from about 15months so was defo a new trick iyswim!)

Wasn't funny at the time but I had stair gate at top of stairs and when I took the ignoring his pleas tactic he would come to top of stairs and yell he needed it. So I put stair gate on his door. He used the toys boxes biggest at bottom to make stairs, climb over and come downstairs to tell me.

In the end I pretended I was going to bed at same time (laid and read) and so wouldn't hear him if he called. Strangly this was the one that worked.....

for a few weeks whilst he formulated the next plan until he tried again and the dummy fairy decided he was a big boy and could give them to the babies who needed them.

Funny how the shiny new car on wheels the fairy left never rolled out of bed.

I don't envy you OP and YANBU to try everything different tactics.