Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so terribly sad :(

155 replies

extremepie · 04/06/2011 11:28

Came down this morning to find my 4 yr old DS 'playing' with our guinea pig quite roughly. He didn't mean to but I think he broke her back as she couldn't walk when I found her.

She died in my arms about half an hour later.

DS keeps saying he is sorry and didn't mean to hurt her (which I know he didn't).

Yesterday got home from work to find that our other guinea pig had been found mysteriously dead in her cage when my husband got up in the morning.

Now I know why.

I just feel so terrible that, even though he didn't mean it, my son killed our guinea pigs. They weren't that old so should have lived much longer, plus they died in pain.

Have been crying all morning, burst out again every time I look at the cage. Don't even want DS around me at the moment, don't want to talk to him or do anything for him right now.

Sad day :(

OP posts:
midori1999 · 04/06/2011 18:56

I'm really quite appalled that we are apparently meant to be a nation of animal lovers and yet some people think 'accidents happen' and that there's no reason to take an injured animal to a vet when it is likely to just need putting to sleep. Christ, lets just let it suffer until it dies then... only a guinea pig after all... Angry

In the OP's situation I would have asked a neighbour/friend/taxi to get me to the vets with the animal, because as far as I am concerned, if I take on a pet, I take on full responsibility for that animal and that includes not allowing it to suffer, no matter what the monetary cost to me.

pigletmania · 04/06/2011 18:57

paddington the op does not drive, its not a question of bunging the cage in the car and driving a 10min journey, she would have to walk 40 mins to the vet with the carrier so in that time it would still be suffering until it got to the vet, even more so being out moving backwards and fowards in a carrier.

cherrysodalover · 04/06/2011 19:11

Poor you. I think there is nothing wrong with a child of 4 knowing certainly that what he did to the first, possibly killed it. It will be a powerful lesson and we should not eradicate the experience of shame and guilt from life.It is not a bad thing for him to feel guilty within a loving context so he never does the same again.

However I remember being a lot older and forgetting to feed my two gerbils for maybe 2 days( there was food within the sawdust but maybe not readily available as it should have been)- the consequences were horrific- one killed the other, I suspect over food found in the cage. I still feel bad about that to this day- I was responsible and I committed an act of neglect at an age when I was old enough to know better. I felt guilty and I should have done. I have nightmares to this day.We all make mistakes and it is very sad when a creature's life is involved

I think you may feel upset as you may have been able to act to prevent the second dying, if it was at your son's hands. But you just did not have that foresight.

No more pets for some time I think and put it down to experience.

PaddingtonStare · 04/06/2011 19:12

"paddington the op does not drive, its not a question of bunging the cage in the car and driving a 10min journey, she would have to walk 40 mins to the vet...."

piglet, you seem to be assuming that I wasn't aware of that when in fact I read it when the OP wrote it. It doesn't change a thing. See midori's list of solutions to the problem, they're hardly groundbreaking are they?

They're the same solutions I'd have to take myself, being a pet owner and parent who isolated in a rural village without a car. I see selfishness, I see cruelty, I can even see denial but I can't see why the OP didn't take one of the above options and save her pet from dying slowly and most probably in great pain and distress.

SarahLundsredJumper · 04/06/2011 19:36

"She died in my arms about half an hour later"
I think you are overeacting massivelyMidori -the OP is clearly very upset and distressed by what has happened.
She didnt leave the GP to die in agony over days - I have been in the same situation -had a poorly GP -it died before I could reach the vets -by the time I had put in a box ,sorted DC out ,it had died peacefully.
Trying to make out he OP is uncaringdoesntmake you more caring !

ScarlettIsWalking · 04/06/2011 19:37

How dreadful. I wouldn't allow any pets for a long while.

Original poster
extremepie · 04/06/2011 20:13

-I see selfishness, I see cruelty, I can even see denial but I can't see why the OP didn't take one of the above options and save her pet from dying slowly and most probably in great pain and distress-

Like I said, I could see that she was not going to live very long, hence why I did not see the point in distressing her needlessly by carting her off to the vets, rather than stroking her until she died in my arms.

Thinking about it, it was probably not half an hour it was probably more like 15-20 minutes, it just felt like forever, not that any length of time is acceptable for an animal to be suffering.

And yes, I am selfish, heartless and cruel, hence was I was so distressed that my boss sent me home from work.

Obviously.

OP posts:
Honeybee79 · 04/06/2011 20:31

God, how sad for you and your family.

To be fair, the deaths of both pigs may have been nothing to do with your son. The fact that they both died so close to each other indicates to me that they might have been ill.

There is nothing to suggest that your DS caused the death of the one found in its cage. And if he did accidentally cause the death of the other one, well, it's a very upsetting accident but no more than that. OP is not to blame - she had no idea that he could get into the cage or that he was even out of bed.

OP, talk to your DS about it but I think you might need to resign yourself to never knowing how they died unless you take their bodies to the vet and ask for his/her opinion.

midori1999 · 04/06/2011 20:44

I'm not 'trying to make out' anything and I don't give a toss what it makes me tbh, it's not aboput me, it's about two animals suffering. Unless the OP had a crystal ball, she had no idea how long the animal was likely to be suffering for.

And OP blah, blah, blah. You intially blamed your son for what happened, not wanting him aroun dyou and admit the animal/s died in pain. Yet you are to blame. You are the adult here and if your son did kill these animals (as you suspect he did) then they suffered because of your neglect. Stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself.

NorthernGobshite · 04/06/2011 20:47

midori you're being damn cruel.
OP hasn't said the animal was in distress, and it appears to have died peacefully. All a vet would have done is speed its death.
Stop trying to be so morally superior.

Honeybee79 · 04/06/2011 20:54

Extremely harsh and not very fair Midori

OP didn't even realise that her son could get into the cage. You cannot guard against every single eventuality in life.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 04/06/2011 20:56

OP, don't feel too bad.

I am an adult, but an adult who has learnt from mistakes.

We used to have two gerbils in a cage in the utility room... dh was doing some DIY and had the window on the latch (in the middle of January).

We forgot to close the latch up again and in the morning we found the two gerbils sneezing... when we got in from work they were curled around each other dead :(

And it was our fault, as adults..... my guessing is yours may have died from natural causes too. Surely he couldn't have killed them both, the wee pet.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 04/06/2011 20:58

I have kept and bred Guinea pigs for a long time and I am sceptical that they both died of illness without any symptoms.....However, that is not to say they didn't die of illness so now is not the time to accuse your son.

I would personally say that at 4 years old he should know the difference between a real animal and a toy and it would make me very cautious of having any more pets in the future. This isn't anyone's fault in particular - it was unfortunate and there is no conclusive evidence of 'murder', just possibly over zealous cuddling.

You must still be upset but you did what you could so try to take your mind off it now.

SarahLundsredJumper · 04/06/2011 21:06

whats in the wild Gps are prey animals -they are very good at hiding illness as it would be picked up by predators quickly.Chickens are the same -ask me how I knowSad

MissBetsyTrotwood · 04/06/2011 21:07

Guinea pigs look chunky but actually have very thin, fragile skeletons. It would be easy to fatally break a bone... A fall from even a short height could break their back as their body weight from muscle and fat is much heavier than their delicate skeletons can easily bear.

I'm sure he meant nothing by his actions and will realise after a strong talk what he did was wrong.

Sad
youarekidding · 04/06/2011 21:13

TBF to extreme by the time she was dressed, phoned taxi etc the GP would have died alone - which is worse than whilst being loved and cared for imo and ime.

Its not any difference to humans. Quite often terminal patients are bought home to die in their surroundings. This happened with my nan who had terminal cancer. (sorry if anyone has experienced this too Sad)

I do think its time for a good chat about pets and care, and general being to rough, but also agree if her DS was responsible he'll already (and she has said he is) be feeling awful - not much to be gained from making him feel worse.

pigletmania · 04/06/2011 21:17

midori I suppose you are perfect yourself then! Nobody knows how they will react in a given situation, some go into panick mode and don't know what to do. Op please put this behind you, ignore the harsh comments they will not help your situation, but make you feel even worse. Don't get any pets for a long while, and maby visit farm, petting places whereby your ds can be near animals and you can teach him about how to treat them and look after them. Please don't beat yourself up about it, they are now at peace. As others have said GP are very delicate things that wriggle very much, it is very easy for a young child to drop it, or damage them if not supervised by an adult. Big hugs to you and your ds Smile

NeopreneMermaid · 04/06/2011 21:18

OP, to go back to your original question, YANBU to be sad. Losing pets is horrible. Big hugs.

Northernlurker · 04/06/2011 21:27

I really don't understand what is to be gained by attacking the op? At the most all she is responsible for is not realising her young child could open the cage. The animals are dead, today's dying quickly without any obvious pain (I assume as the op mentions no noises of distress.) Must we therefore roast her over a fire? Hmm

tomhardyismydh · 04/06/2011 21:32

However, I really would suggest talking to a doctor/child psychologist about this, because this behaviour is fucking scary!

op I really I dont think this is a worry about behavior I cant leave my dd 5 alone with our rabbit as she often leans on her hard, to stand up or catch her. she does not understand her own weight compared to the delicate bone structure of a very small pet, seriously she could also kill it. I also caught dds friend kicking the rabbit very hard, she got good telling off and although nast and cruel I dont think even this calls for psycotherapy . honestly It is very sad but I would not get carried away with the psychologist.

HumphreyCobbler · 04/06/2011 21:36

Have read the thread. Like a few others have said, it doesn't sound like the OP's son had anything to do with it, they probably both died from other causes. If the animal moved it's back legs then presumably it's back wasn't broken.

I really can't believe some of the stupid things I have read on this thread. Diagnosing serial killer tendencies ffs. Words fail me.

tomhardyismydh · 04/06/2011 21:59

Op You really should have got your ds to tell you exactly what had happened.

I dont think he was responsible.

30 min death is not a slow death surely. a bit Hmm at people thinking op is cruel for taking to vets.

Happymm · 04/06/2011 22:22

FFS, there are some right nutters on MN at the mo-IMO of course:o

IprivateI · 04/06/2011 22:24

My DD kills ants. I know its not the same, but she rubs them between finger and thumb and just breaks their body to pieces. It's not nice seeing your child kill something.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 04/06/2011 22:32

Psychological assessment? FFS.

Can't actually add much apart from FFFFFS.