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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so terribly sad :(

155 replies

extremepie · 04/06/2011 11:28

Came down this morning to find my 4 yr old DS 'playing' with our guinea pig quite roughly. He didn't mean to but I think he broke her back as she couldn't walk when I found her.

She died in my arms about half an hour later.

DS keeps saying he is sorry and didn't mean to hurt her (which I know he didn't).

Yesterday got home from work to find that our other guinea pig had been found mysteriously dead in her cage when my husband got up in the morning.

Now I know why.

I just feel so terrible that, even though he didn't mean it, my son killed our guinea pigs. They weren't that old so should have lived much longer, plus they died in pain.

Have been crying all morning, burst out again every time I look at the cage. Don't even want DS around me at the moment, don't want to talk to him or do anything for him right now.

Sad day :(

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 04/06/2011 12:41

Firstly, cut the OP a little slack, she is upset.

You need to ensure that young children are only ever allowed supervised access to all animals. This is common sense, and sadly it sometimes takes a tragedy to realise. I hope everyone on this thread has learned from this.

fanjolamps · 04/06/2011 12:54

Something similar happened to us but with a hamster, our hamster was in his exercise ball and it came apart, I called out "catch him" to the children, unfortunately my them 3 year old 'caught' the hamster by stamping on it. He also broke its back and it died. It was awful, but he didn't mean it, so I never blamed him.

Morloth · 04/06/2011 12:56

DS1 is a sweet and loving little boy but there is no way in hell I would have let him handle a guinea pig at 4, he might be OK with something like that now at 7 but he was/is a bull in a china shop.

I also agree with the posters saying that guinea pigs regularly drop dead and they tend to do it together, so before assuming you have a budding serial killer I would first make sure that he is in fact responsible.

It is the fault of the adult's in the house if he did, you and your partner are the ones responsible, it is unfair of you to blame your son.

BeerTricksPotter · 04/06/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudianSlipper · 04/06/2011 13:08

oh please this child does not need to be rushed off to a child psychiatrist to be assessed. he played too roughly with a little animal that is all but he does need to understand that they need gentle handling, and he is just not grasping that at the moment he will do in time

ds is 3.8 and often pulled our cats tail when running about with him (and yes they do plat chase together) a few weeks ago he meowed when he had his tail pulled since then ds has understood that it hurt (probably more uncomfortable) and hasn't since even though i had told him many times

do not be too hard on yourself or you ds and certainly do not start questioning your child character over this incident

katvond · 04/06/2011 13:12

This child is acting as children so, bull in a china shop is a great way to put it. I feel for you OP and for your DS he must be distraught too.

Original poster
extremepie · 04/06/2011 13:47

First of all BodyOfEeyore, you can off, how dare you say that! You know nothing about me or my family so unless you are perfect in every way, don't feel free to pass judgement!

Secondly, I was planning on coming back on the thread but I had to go to work, sorry to inconvenience you!

My DS got out of bed, very quietly, at about 7 in the morning, before any of the rest of us had woken up. I didn't hear any noise and didn't know what had happened until I went downstairs and found him with her on the couch, stroking her.

I DID sit him down after and explain to him what had happened, and the fact that the guinea pig would not get better. I got him to say goodbye to her after she had died, I wanted him to understand the difference in her. I told him it wasn't his fault but that he must be much more gentle in future and must never get an animal out by himself.

The guinea pigs WERE locked in their cage, I wasn't even aware that my DS even knew how to open it, as any time he has tried in the past he hasn't been able to.

My DS DOES know he is not supposed to be touching the guinea pigs without an adult present and this, I hasten to add, is the first time he has every attempted to do so. He is big and strong for his age.

He is normally an extremely gentle, sensitive child, I know he did not mean to hurt her, as he kept saying. He said he wanted to give them a cuddle so I can only assume he hugged a bit too hard.

I have no evidence that the first piggy death was caused by him, it seemed a bit strange that they would both die so close to each other but it is possible, especially since she was found, undisturbed, unmarked, in her cage.

I don't know for a fact that her back was broken, as someone else did mention she may well have been in shock, as she did later move her back legs. I didn't call a vet because I could tell that she was not going to last long, plus I don't drive and the closest vet to me is about a 40 minute walk away.

He was upset when he realised what happened, as we all are.
We have no plans to get more piggies at the moment, I just wanted to express how upset I was at the loss of my pets :(

OP posts:
thegruffalosma · 04/06/2011 13:47

Alpine some small kids will be fine with small animals - some won't. Some will be lucky. I think it's sensible to err on the side of caution. I assume the op never thought this would happen. As we have seen on this thread there can be very upsetting consequences if you make the wrong call. I, personally, think it is madness to let any 4 yo be unsupervised with a fragile animal. Even if you do explain about being gentle you can't be sure it's fully gone in at that age or that if it has they will remember when they need to.
There's nothing more some of my dd's friends at nursery love more than standing on ants and worms (which horrifies dd) but I doubt they're working their way up to becoming serial killers. We, as adults, may think that standing on ants is in a different league (you can, after all, easiliy do it by accident) but would all 4 yo's make the distinction? Would all 4 yos know that when something dies it doesn't come back ever? Do they all understand what forever means? There are reasons why children can't be responsible for crimes below a certain age in law.
I wonder where the OP is? Hopefully not organising a psychiatric assessment for her 4 year old!

Original poster
extremepie · 04/06/2011 13:48

Sorry, BodyOfEeyore, I meant piss off, just wanted to clarify.

OP posts:
thegruffalosma · 04/06/2011 13:50

x posted extremepie. If you do get small animals in the near future I would padlock the cage. I have found this to be essential with hamsters anyway who have managed to escape even with a bulldog clip over the latch on their cage!

Butterbur · 04/06/2011 13:51

My SIL trod on one of their cats' kittens, when she was a child, and killed it. The shame and grief are with her, some fifty years later.

Don't withdraw your love from your child. It wasn't his fault he didn't understand how fragile little animals are.

smartyparts · 04/06/2011 13:54

Firstly - sorry for you OP, this must be v upsetting.

Glad you have no plans to replace them - I think this is a v good idea.

Original poster
extremepie · 04/06/2011 13:55

I'm not still angry with my son, I know he didn't mean it, I think it was just a bit raw at the time.

We're fine now :)

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 04/06/2011 13:56

Don't know who's to 'blame' (if anyone) But I am shocked the op didn't take piggy to the vet to be put out of it's misery. The poor thing must have been in absolute agony, how terrifying for it Sad

smartyparts · 04/06/2011 13:56

Butterbur, you just reminded me that my sister accidentally killed a kitten by shutting its neck in a car door when she was 4. She still talks about it with sadness now.

TidyDancer · 04/06/2011 13:58

I think it was probably, as the majority say, something horrible but without horrible intent. Though I do think it would be a good idea to keep an eye on him and how he behaves around animals, just to be sure he 'gets' how to properly treat them. Some children can be told until you are blue in the face how they need to be gentle with small animals, but it doesn't sink in like it does with others. He does need to understand the consequences of what he has done, but he doesn't need to be guilted over it, he is young (absolutely not a baby though, and definitely old enough to understand what has happened because he played too roughly).

It is very sad, OP. :(

katvond · 04/06/2011 13:59

Extreme did the pigs have diarrhoea beforehand?
I've lost pigs in the past when they haven't even be ill. They may have eaten something bad like buttercup or daisies.

TidyDancer · 04/06/2011 14:00

ACT, I think that would've been the right thing to do.

I also agree that not getting small animals to replace the piggies is the best thing for all concerned right now.

katvond · 04/06/2011 14:00

How old were they too?

Original poster
extremepie · 04/06/2011 14:02

As far as I'm aware they were both fine until they died, although I was at work the previous day so there might have been something I missed :(

OP posts:
Chummybud1 · 04/06/2011 14:03

Your wee boy done this by accident, he has already learned his lesson. Let it go as quick as you can before it turns into something that it is not. To him he was just p,aying.

naturalbaby · 04/06/2011 14:05

why did i read this thread, am all weepy now at the memories of my houdini hamster's escape when i was a child, resulting in his death (falling down the stairs).
am sticking to my 2 cats till my kids are much, much, much older Sad

why do people feel the need to rub salt in the wound and tell the op how to keep small animals in the future?!?

Chummybud1 · 04/06/2011 14:05

Please don't read more into this. I have a lizard and if it wasn't for such strict supervision my kids some a wee bot older than yours would have squashed it or hurt. Not intentionally it's just kids. Learn a lesson from it but don't dwell on it

katvond · 04/06/2011 14:07

Extreme I feel hand on heart your DS did nothing wrong. He may have played a bit rough but I can't see him breaking the pigs back.
They can die of lots of things, lack of vit c, being fed the wrong thing, damp hay. Any of these things could have happened. I honestly don't think a 4 yr old would do that.

PaddingtonStare · 04/06/2011 14:09

"I didn't call a vet because I could tell that she was not going to last long, plus I don't drive and the closest vet to me is about a 40 minute walk away."

The closest hospital may be that far away too and all ambulances busy on other call-outs. If that was the case I doubt if you'd adopt the same attitude if it were yourself or your child with a suspected broken back.

I'm with those who are of the opinion that no child should be allowed access to small pets and that forethought should be applied - and in this case that would mean a padlock before your child was old enough to open the cage unassisted, in readiness for the day he tried it.

Personally I would be looking more deeply into this. There is strong research which indicates that there is a link not just between child abuse/DV and animal abuse (not accusing you of abusing your child of of DV occurring in your home OP), but also between animal abuse and youth violence. A quick Google to explain what I mean offers this, for example. I wouldn't be ignoring what are possibly potential warning signs.