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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so terribly sad :(

155 replies

extremepie · 04/06/2011 11:28

Came down this morning to find my 4 yr old DS 'playing' with our guinea pig quite roughly. He didn't mean to but I think he broke her back as she couldn't walk when I found her.

She died in my arms about half an hour later.

DS keeps saying he is sorry and didn't mean to hurt her (which I know he didn't).

Yesterday got home from work to find that our other guinea pig had been found mysteriously dead in her cage when my husband got up in the morning.

Now I know why.

I just feel so terrible that, even though he didn't mean it, my son killed our guinea pigs. They weren't that old so should have lived much longer, plus they died in pain.

Have been crying all morning, burst out again every time I look at the cage. Don't even want DS around me at the moment, don't want to talk to him or do anything for him right now.

Sad day :(

OP posts:
midori1999 · 04/06/2011 11:55

Guinea Pigs are actually quite easily injured and their backs easily broken, one of the reasons they shouldn't be kept with rabbits.

I so think OP that YABU to somehow blame your 4 yr old son for this when the blame lies very firmly with you. Young children should not be allowed access to pets unsupervised and these poor Guineas suffered because you neglected to make sure they were safe and your son was too young to understand.

pigletmania · 04/06/2011 11:56

I agree with bessimo tbh, he is only 4 and and under legal age for criminal responsibility, there is an age limit for a reason because he is too young to understand and to be held responsible. Ginue pigs are small delicate creatures and have to be handled in a certain way, Little children can be rough sometimes and don't know their own strength, stop demonsing the child, its not like he was doing this intentionally to get kicks out of. Explain to him what has happened (don't make him feel guilty) mabey put it into a social story. My dd is 4 (suspected ASD, dev delay) and would not understand. The guine pigs should have been locked away in their cages out of prying hands. Don't dwell on it too much, let that be a lesson, mabey hold off from keeping pets until your children are a lot older. Next time show them how to handle the pets and how to look after them.

midori1999 · 04/06/2011 11:56

Also, I can't understand for the life of me why, when you thought the Guinea's back might be broken, you didn't immediately ring round for an emergency vets appointment, even if you thought all that would happen is the vet would put the animal out of it's misery?!

katvond · 04/06/2011 11:56

I'm sure if a pig had it's back broken you would of heard it's cry, remember guinea pigs are very vocal. He would have really cried. Sorry but going on experience with my own pigs.

pigletmania · 04/06/2011 11:56

By not owning up, mabey he was scared and not able to tell another adult, not because he is sly.

FabbyChic · 04/06/2011 11:57

Guinea pigs aren't toys and allowing a four year old access to a pet without an adult present is asking for trouble.

The fault lies with yourself for allowing him to take the guinea pigs out of the cage when he chooses without an adult present.

Your son clearly has no concept of how he should have treated them, how the fuck could be be being rough with them? they are living beings not a toy truck.

Did you not teach him anything when you got the pets that they weren't to be touched? What was he doing up on his own without a parent present anyway?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 04/06/2011 11:57

Midori makes a good point.

thegruffalosma · 04/06/2011 11:58

Also OP - do you know it's back was broken? If guinea pigs are very ill they will be very still and unable to walk. That may also explain the other pig.
And lion I could disagree without saying someone's opinion was crap but I'm afraid the opinion angered me. Labelling the behaviour of a 4 yo as worrying and in need of intervention because he has been put in a situation he is far too young to be in is just stupid. What next - complaining next doors baby wasn't properly cared for when he was left babysitting?
Also we don't KNOW what happened to the pigs. Have you buried them OP or could you have them looked at to find out how they died?

TheMonster · 04/06/2011 12:00

YOu shouldn't demonise the child. He is only 4.

It's an awful situation, but the OP should not have let the child be alone with the pets. Lesson learnt for her.

I feel very sad that she seems to be blaming her son and making him feel so bad about it.

pigletmania · 04/06/2011 12:01

I am Shock at some posters reaction to the child. He is a young child fgs and might not be able to distinguish between a living pet and a toy, he should have been taught from the outset as soon as the pigs were purchased how to treat them and dos and don'ts.

beesimo · 04/06/2011 12:11

I will tell you a true story OP my lovely kind lad when he was about 4 came in off the yard and said to Mam

'one of the chickens has a poorly wing Mammy'
so I goes out to look at her

'well I said I wonder what the hells happened here'
bairn pipes up 'oh Mam da poor birdy I didn't accidentaly kick her when I was playing with me football'

They are babies at four you can't stand judge and jury on them!

katvond · 04/06/2011 12:11

Threads like this grate me at times. The OP gives only a snippet of information then doesn't come back on the thread.
I very much doubt your kid killed those pigs. Your not a vet you don't know its back was broken.

TheMonster · 04/06/2011 12:13

She's too busy crying and ignoring her son Grin

AlpinePony · 04/06/2011 12:17

katvond - for Christ's sake, you don't need to be a vet to apply a little common sense. Are you able to diagnose athlete's foot in yourself? Or do you call in a doctor? Hmm

I'm sure also that OP did show her son how to treat animals with respect because it seemed to me in her opening post that she very much loved the family pets. :(

Children are children yes, but I can't be the only one here who had loads of animals at home as a child, in fact, my sister was 4 when we got guinea pigs - and baby guinea-pigs as a result of a "breeding experiment with our neighbours' boy-pig Hmm) - we never managed to kill any of them.

ninja · 04/06/2011 12:18

a friend of mine 'hugged' her rabbit to death while a little girl (on the swing with it in fact). So it's not just your son.

Of course you will feel sad and yes your son will need to learn to be more gentle, however I think some of the posters are being a bit harsh here.

EricNorthmansMistress · 04/06/2011 12:19

Did he kill the second one after the first one? I'm very sorry for you, he needs a lot of work on this, being gentle and kind etc. But he didn't know, children that age don't understand death and don't always get that other creatures can be in pain. I'd wait a few years before getting more pets :(

GypsyMoth · 04/06/2011 12:20

reminds me of the book 'of mice and men'

happy2bhomely · 04/06/2011 12:23

Poor Guineas. About a month ago I found our 2 yr old piggies curled up together, they were dead. They seemed fine the day before. It was so upsetting. I'm so glad the kids didn't find them before me. When I told people, everyone said how strange that they both died together, with no apparent cause. People suggested that the kids may have been rough with them. Our 7 yr old was very good with them but I wouldn't have trusted our 3 yr old with them unsupervised. I thought that maybe one of the kids had put something through the cage and they had eaten it. The vet said that they can be really poorly without showing any signs until it's too late. He thinks they died of a respiratory infection. My 7 yr old blamed herself. She cried and cried and said maybe she didn't feed them enough or love them enough. My 3 yr old said 'I love my pigs, don't buy new ones, I want my old ones forever.' It was so sad.

Have a chat with your son and explain how it is very important to be gentle and kind with animals. Let him know that you are upset they have died and ask him how he feels about them dying. I think his answer will tell you whether there was any malice involved. I'm sure that it was unintentional, if indeed he was even to blame at all. Use it as an opportunity to talk about things and explore his feelings about death and sadness. Kids don't dwell on things like we do. Our girls were upset for 3 days. Then they said they wanted rats. Our eldest then deleted the 'treasured' photos of the piggies from her camera to make room for pictures of the rats!

EricNorthmansMistress · 04/06/2011 12:23

Sorry that sounds wrong, I meant did he kill one after you found him with the one you know he killed?

pigletmania · 04/06/2011 12:24

Not all 4 year olds are at the same level developmentally, whilst some will have a good understanding and will be able to comprehend, others might be on the young side for their age and not understand, they are only babies not mini adults. I am Sad for you op, I guess hold out on the pets until your children are older, and have a little burial for them.

BoscosBox · 04/06/2011 12:30

Alpinepony op's ds is 4yrs old fgs - I think your suggestion of him needing to see a child psychologist is a bit OTT Hmm

Sorry that this has happened to your Guinea pigs extremepie , please don't be too harsh on your ds . Sit down with him a explain that he needs to be gentle with animals .

ScrotalPantomime · 04/06/2011 12:31

Oh how awful I'm so sorry :(

I think, no matter how hard it must be, you have to try to move on from what actually happen. Even if your DS does say he did it, he's only 4, so you'll never really be 100% sure he's telling the truth (not just lying, but 4yos' memories aren't always accurate at the best of times!) - he may even 'confess' when he didn't do it if he gets confused.

Just allow him to talk through how he feels about losing them and, in a non-accusing way, talk about how we have to treat animals gently. Watch him carefully in the future - it's an expensive lesson you've learnt :(

katvond · 04/06/2011 12:33

Alpine no you don't need to he a vet to know that but a little common sense would be helpful. My DD is 5 she's not allowed to play with the pigs or the hamster on her own, not cause she would harm them but she would not doubt put them down had we'd lose them

fifi25 · 04/06/2011 12:39

I dont understand how he was allowed to get the guinea pigs out by himself. I dont think its the little lads fault. Hes only 4. Surely if the 2nd one had a broken back you could tell.

4 is very young to be playing with an animal by himself, he could get a nasty bite. I wouldnt even let my kids 9 and 7 get the rabbits out unsupervised.

Dont be too hard on him i dont really think a 4 year old would know how to intentionally kill an animal and dont get any more pets unless you can supervise them.

Ephiny · 04/06/2011 12:40

Poor little things - I suppose children don't know any better and haven't developed any sense of empathy at that age, but it's exactly for that reason that they shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access to animals...

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