my friend constantly using the single parent argument...Like I should feel guilty for not being a single parent as my life is obviously soooo much better

[boyoboy]

I think today she has just used the "its ok for you your not a single parent" just once too often

I said that she had to stop using it as a sympathy vote and there are plenty of single parnets out hter who are stong and independent and getting on with life and their family....

I know the problems that single parenting can bring but her arguemtns are always financial related....even though I have DP he is a sahd at the moment and so we have one income too....

I think Im just sick o the arguement...I have a lot of respect for single parents but sometimes...just sometimes, i too would like to make a decision without having to consult and deliberate

Anyway my friend was upset with me, possibly rightly so, but I just think that somtimes whatever the problem we have in our lives the more we go on about it the bigger it gets and sometimes we just have to realise that that is our life and we need to just make the best of it becasue moaning about it isnt going to help anyone, I have been there and listened and listened and helped but today I think i had listened enough

springydaffs what a fab post :), put so well

Im going to persevere with my friend, I know deep down there is a good loving balanced person in there..somewhere, and we are really all good friends.

Its not a make or break issue, and we wont stop being friends, she needs me to help and I need her as she is history with me....we have been friends forever and if we stopped I would feel like there was a space only she could fill.

I just think this is a very needy and "down" phase....her move to single parenting wasnt a particularly pleasant one and she wasnt the one wanting to be single (not that anyone choses to be single iykwim)...which probably makes a big difference.

Anyway before I analyse this to death Im gonna write her a little note and tell her that she is my friend and I love her to bits, I would like it very much if she will join in stuff with us but will understand i she doesnt feel she can...and then Im going to speak to her and suggest that maybe she needs some help, someone who can help her to see the positives of her situation (because it isnt going to change overnight) and she really needs to make the best of it for her own sake and then consequently her children (happy mum= happy kids)...Life is too short and i dont wnat her to spend it thinking her life is now somehow restricted and looking at other supposidly happy families and feeling bad...

Thankyou all for your thoughts and ideas, and some lovely words here have given me the confidence to go back and keep trying :) xx

Well my dear, you're a great friend that's all I can say. I wish there were more like you who understood friendship instead of seeing it as a commodity or accessory (don't you just hate the 'culling friends' trend that seems to be so prevalent these days - the very idea makes me miserable). she's very lucky to have you and I hope she comes out of this trough of despond. complaining is a stuck form of unhappiness and I hope she comes through it and out the other side, heart mended.