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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to be OK of DS going to Ballet

31 replies

BlueberryPancake · 03/06/2011 19:07

DS is 4 and many of his girl friends go to ballet classes. I do adult ballet classes, have done for years, and know that children ballet classes are excellent for balance, listening, music and rhythm, strenght. The class only has girls and DS wanted to go, so we went one week and he loved it. He got all the attention from the girls who had found a 'prince' for their Cinderella ballet. It made him feel very important and confident. But DH is not keen on the idea and thinks that DS will get teased by other boys at school. DS1 is already teasing him a bit but DS2 doesnt seam to care. Am I being unreasonable to expect DH to encourage his son to go to more classes if he wants to?

OP posts:
katvond · 03/06/2011 19:11

If you DS2 wants to go then get you DH to encourage him, if he enjoys it then what's the harm.

LineRunner · 03/06/2011 19:12

Is your husband called Phil Mitchell?

troisgarcons · 03/06/2011 19:13

A lot of boys round here go to street dance - same meat different gravy.

I'm afraid a activites such as ballet are seen to be the province of homosexuals -as if it's a catching disease. It's just not a traditional blokie thing.

If he's anything like mine the novelty will wear off quickly and it'll be something else he wants to do.

onceamai · 03/06/2011 19:13

Well my DH would have objected too so you're not alone. It never arose thankfully but if it had I would have stood my ground.

LIZS · 03/06/2011 19:20

Nothing wrong with it - it is simply a dance class. Has he heard of the Ballet Boys , I have it on good authority they are not gay !

CMOTdibbler · 03/06/2011 19:25

Does your dh know that male ballet dancers are waay stronger than rugby players ? The strength required to elegantly lift someone over your head is immense.

Tell him to grow up and not be such a sexist lump - and make sure there is zero tolerance of ds1 teasing too

kaid100 · 03/06/2011 19:26

Well I'm a bloke and I would normally have objected too, but the fact that DS specifically wanted to go might have given me pause to my objections although I still wouldn't be that keen.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/06/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndigoBell · 03/06/2011 19:30

My DS did ballet until he started school - and loved it. But once he went to school and the girls started to tease him he stopped :(

So your DS might as well go to ballet now - odds are he'll want to quit soon anyway.

LordOfTheFlies · 03/06/2011 19:31

We live in the real world where people still have the views that ballet is not for boys.
I wouldn't subject a little boy to the teasing TBH. I know children can be cruel and those who say 'rise above it' won't be the ones in the playground getting teased or worse bullied.

FWIW my parents gave me a 'boys' middle name and it didn't make me a f*ing better person when I was bullied.

And have you all looked at photographs of ballet dancers' feet?

ScrotalPantomime · 03/06/2011 19:31

I actually would really like DS to go to ballet when he's old enough - he's 22m and always dancing to the nutcracker with his big sister.

DH agrees with me. Ballet takes incredible strength and fitness, what's not to like?

ScrotalPantomime · 03/06/2011 19:33

It's not 'subjecting' the child to it if they want to do it though.

DeWe · 03/06/2011 19:40

DH wasn't keen when ds started at 2yo but he's now fine about it. Mind you, I'm the only one not involved in the lessons now as dh plays piano for them sometimes.
Ds does it because his sisters do it, so we're there anyway, but he does enjoy it. (He's nearly 4yo) Presently there's one other boy in his class who's been there about a term, and another who's just started and he's not at all bothered. He suffered from skirt jealousy for the first term or so and would say he couldn't skip because he didn't have a skirt to hold out. Grin
He got his letter to say he could move up a class next term and he's absolutely thrilled even though he'll be the only boy again.
If he doesn't want to do it then he'll stop, but at present he doesn't want to.

FebreezeYourJeans · 03/06/2011 19:43

My 3 yr old ds has done ballet for a year now and loves it. He is the only boy in his class but not within the school. My dh is very cool about it as long as he is allowed to give it up if/when he wants to and not be coerced into staying on to prove any kind of point. I agree entirely.

It has been great for him; listening, following instructions, taking turns, flexibility, rhythm, confidence, musicality.

Do it!

thefirstmrsrochester · 03/06/2011 19:48

DS wanted to go to ballet aged 3. All geared up, DH told him it was for girls, DS didn't go to ballet. I revisit this periodically as I feel he has the frame and musicality to be very good (pay a fortune for DD to pursue ballet and she lacks some of DS natural ability) but his mind is made up - at least for now. If your DS loves ballet then I'm sorry to say DH needs to be told where to go. Oh yes, the Ballet Boys! Not one of then a 'Nancy Boy'.
There were boys in DD dance school whose classmate never knew they took ballet. There were boys who were loud and proud about the fact. Send your son OP and I wish him many happy dancing years to come.

ScatterChasse · 03/06/2011 19:49

If he wants to do it, then there's no problem! Your DH wouldn't object to a DD doing football would he?

There are so many benefits as well, you couldn't find them all anywhere else. And there are never enough boys doing dancing of any kind in my experience.

And whoever said about feet, ok, mine are slightly ropey, but I would say that's because of pointe, rather then ballet in general, so he should be fine :)

cleverything · 03/06/2011 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefirstmrsrochester · 03/06/2011 19:53

Stewie - exactly! Ballet is almost an endurance sport! Wait till DH gets in tonight! DS WILL go to ballet!
Boys do not have pointe shoes to contend with Grin

MillyR · 03/06/2011 19:59

DS wanted to do creative dance (age 11), but turned up at the class, got into a panic that he would be teased, and left. This was despite there being about 8 other boys in the dance class. I think it is a huge shame.

Prior to that he did cheerleading at school. He came home and said he wanted to do it - that loads of other boys said that they were going to do it. I told him he could do it, but that most of the other boys were going to be told by their parents that they weren't allowed. That is exactly what happened. Only DS and one other boy ended up doing it, and that other boy's father phoned me and went on about his worries and how he thought the boys shouldn't do it.

Again, it is a huge shame.

Dance is such fun, and I don't think it is a coincidence that when you get to adulthood, it is only mostly women who know how to dance in a nightclub or at a social event. Most of the men rarely danced as children, despite dance existing in every culture in the world. It is human to want to dance.

DirtyMartini · 03/06/2011 20:02

MillyR, that's such a bummer.

Abelia · 03/06/2011 20:02

If my DH took this approach I would be looking him in a new, and not favourable, light.

Does this pathetic sort of attitude really persist in the 21st century?? Shock

SmethwickBelle · 03/06/2011 20:03

DS who's nearly four goes to a street dance class and he's the only boy. He loves the attention from the other wee girls and the older girls mother him and he absolutely loves going.

I'm not bothered about the discipline or strength aspect. He couldn't give a stuff about performing, just likes throwing some shapes to some pop music and the class he goes to doesn't have the discipline of doing exams so its probably a bit different to ballet.

I say ignore your H and go with it - your son will be the first to let you know if he doesn't want to go any more!

meltedchocolate · 03/06/2011 20:06

He should but try to be understanding that it is still going against the grain and people's attitudes change slowly. Your DH needs time to adjust to this idea. Keep letting DS go though. I want to send DS to gymnastics :o

naturalbaby · 03/06/2011 20:14

dh raised an eyebrow when i took my 3yr old and nearly 2yr old boys to a ballet taster session but we haven't taken it any further (yet!).

if i had girls i would take them to football class

LordOfTheFlies · 03/06/2011 20:18

Meltedchocolate my DD does gymnastics.There are about 5 boys, a couple have stopped going. They always welcome boys and it is great for stamina,poise,flexibilty and the discipline of listening.
Everything the ballet favourers are putting forward as plus points.
My DS does karate or I would love him to do gymnastics but I think my DD should be allowed to do something just about her IYSWIM.