DH attitude to working as a team

[Ticked]

The title doesnt really explain the situation to well. We are 5 people, dh, 3 ds and me. All 4 boys have stopped helping around the house completely (ds 1 will do something if told). I mean not even taking their mug or plate through or picking up a piece of paper thrown down, never mind making beds and things. I have hinted to dh that we need to have a chat as a family and remind everyone to do their bit. He took off at me and told me Im being unreasonable and nobody wants to clean all the time. I tried explaining that I dont expect anyone to clean all the time or even do washing, dishes, dusting, hoovering and things. I just expect them to do their own stuff a bit at least. He said if I didnt want to do it I just mustnt and the house can just turn into a tip. I am beside myself as we dont have much but, dont want it to be disgusting. Untidy is fine but not dirty :(

I just want him to be a team with me and we sit down and explain about pride, keeping it reasonable, working together, to the kids. He has now not spoken to me for 2 days and there seems to be no resolution other than keep quite and run after them all on my own. Please tell me if I am BU and if not - suggestions as to what to do?

[BsshBossh]

Ticked, that's fantastic news. Just keep up the enthusiasm and pressure for when/if the novelty wears off.

[janelikesjam]

It does sound like a brilliant idea to get the message across - just cleaning and tidying your own little mess and leaving theirs - but even if you did it for a week - you would have to have a strong stomach. If everything really everything did smell bad etc you could leave a note, go and stay at a Holiday Inn and just pop back to see if they are clearing up. If it doesn't get cleaned up, perhaps you could live at Holiday Inn for a while even (sometimes I have that fantasy).

Other less drastic solutions (so that everyone is "not tidying up all the time", as someone pointed out, like you!).

1. Everyone does 1 hour a day; and/or
   

2. You get a cleaner

[janelikesjam]

oops OP, i see you got a better result, er... by talking ... :-)

[forehead]

YABU. You've allowed them to do sweet FA for so long, now you expect them to change. What have you been doing for the last 19 years fgs,?
Sorry, but i have no sympathy

[Longtalljosie]

Oh, well done you.

[Wellnerfermind]

How'd have thought talking would have worked instead of...

Sulking, nagging, shouting, hinting, striking, and leaving him, well done!

[glassofwhiteanybody]

A victory for being reasonable and communicating well. Excellent!!!

Remember that you're changing habits that are long standing so be strong and don't let everyone slip back into their old ways.