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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be REALLY annoyed at being treated like our house is public property?

19 replies

OnlyMe1971 · 01/06/2011 21:00

I have 3 dcs under 5. A VERY busy house and we have a dog too. At the best of times, things are hectic. Baby is 17 months old.
Lately, some of the kids from around the neighbourhood have been "calling" to come and play. While I don't mind them coming in in principle, when they do come in, it's just destruction everywhere! They are so cheeky and demanding it drives me MENTAL.
Today for example.
I had just pulled up outside our door in teh car with 3dcs. Unloading everyone, front door still open getting everyone to take off shoes and coats and a neighbour and her brother rock up and brother asks if it's okay if his sister plays for a while. I said okay and in she came. We went into the garden and right away, she wanted the water pistols filled up, she wanted to go inside, she wanted something to eat.... She has been here before and my DH stupidly pandered to her every need....
So today I think I was quite rude, told her if she was hungry to go home and have something to eat there!
It was time to make dinner and I was trying to keep the dcs quiet but she was just riling everyone up and in the end I sent her home after 2 hours.
I was flaked after it!
DH got home, I had a rant at him and I went upstairs to get something when the doorbell goes not once, not twice but THREE FECKING TIMES and she was back at the door again.
This is just one example..
Should I just say "NO" next time? I am not sure how to deal with these situations as we are in a small estate and don't want to fall out with any parents....

OP posts:
worraliberty · 01/06/2011 21:03

Of course you should say no if you don't want her in your house.

going · 01/06/2011 21:03

Say 'no we are busy today' or offer for your child (her friend) to go over to her house.

libbylobs · 01/06/2011 21:09

why not make a playdate for a spasific time during the week , say for a couple of hours and try and stick to it and say that that is there time and you have to have your time and if thats not right for them then you have tried , and then you just say no x

TheProvincialLady · 01/06/2011 21:10

Say no very firmly and if she rings more than once, tell her off! That is very rude behaviour. Don't feed her, don't feed any of them in fact - and only let children in to play if it is convenient for YOU. In fact, I would say don't have any of them round except by invitation, at least for a few months, or they will continue to take advantage of you.

AnnieLobeseder · 01/06/2011 21:10

Are these children friends with yours or are they just randomly turning up?

If they were random I'd get rid of them very fast!! 2 hours is too long even for a child you've invited over.

We have a very small house, and DD's friend sometimes calls for her. If I can't face the stress of the extra child in the house, I tell DD they can play in the garden but not come into the house. Would that work?

SugarPasteFrog · 01/06/2011 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OnlyMe1971 · 01/06/2011 21:18

lol thanks!

No, they are not friends of ours. I know the mum to see and say hello to because she lives around the corner and that's it. She just decided to turn up one day and since then she has been back quite a bit.
The last time her Dad was with her and he asked if she could come in and at the time I felt a bit put on the spot so I said okay.
I think I've just been too much of a doormat, even though that is not really my style at all, just not used to these situations yet as our DCs are all so young.

I have had friends of DS1 over a few times by appointment, and that has never been a problem.

What annoys me too is that they have no interest in the DCs, they just take out all the toys to see what we have and then when they get bored they go off again - really rude!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 01/06/2011 21:22

Just say no! simples. They know that you are a soft touch so take the piss.

libbylobs · 01/06/2011 21:25

then i think you should be firm , i think they are just taking advantage of you ,as you have said your organised playdates are fine, so be firm i no it will be hard but this is not right.x

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 01/06/2011 21:25

Sorry but your oldest is 5 .... How old are the kids knocking to play? Surely they aren't 5 as well, walking alone to your house to play?

activate · 01/06/2011 21:27

this might be a shock but

you are an adult

she is a child

and no means no

you have done nothing wrong

when she came back just say NO it is not convenient - go home

libbylobs · 01/06/2011 21:40

why not next time they come round tell them to come round in 5 mins and try and hide toys tn another room , and when they come back hopefully they will be so pissed off they hopefully wont come back i no iys a pain but maybe its worth a gox

Original poster
OnlyMe1971 · 01/06/2011 21:54

thanks all. libby I think I will just go with a straight up: NO.
The kids who come knocking/ringing are 6 and 8, so a bit older than my kids, but this doesn't seem to put them off.
I am just going to be firm next time and say no it's not convenient and stick to that plan. Thanks all! : )

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 01/06/2011 22:00

God advice all round....but I would like to add....be happy your DC have plenty of lccal kids to play with. I livein a snooty quiet suburb and the only kids who are allowed out seem to be boys over the age of 9.

My DC have no locals...we would love visits from local kids...naturally not pushy ones who eat everything! But you know....sometimes a bit of chaos is geat.

libbylobs · 01/06/2011 22:00

good luck thinking of you x let us no how it goesx

Salmotrutta · 01/06/2011 22:09

It's many years since my DC were this age but when other kids in our area came round to play I just treated them the way I treated my own - i.e. I pulled them up on rudeness/bad behaviour/chucking toys around.
Thankfully they were all pretty good kids but there's always one Hmm. Any badly behaved rude ones got short shrift and if they turned up at inconvenient times they were told it was inconvenient.

KoolAidKid · 01/06/2011 22:16

We have neighbourhood kids like this. In general I don't mind them coming round as DD enjoys having friends round. But they are so bloody cheeky! They ask me for food and drinks, if they can stay for dinner, if they can stay for a sleepover, if they can take my DDs toys home, pester, pester, pester...

I often send them outside to play, but then they knock on the door every 2 minutes asking for various toys. I kick them out at dinner time and they knock every 2 minutes throughout dinner, and SHOUT THROUGH THE LETTERBOX, and I have go out tell them to piss off go away in a very firm voice.

One little girl took some money from DDs piggy bank without asking, apparently it was so DD could 'spend' it at her 'shop'. I've not let that particular child in for a while now....

My tip is be firm. Very firm. Say no to anything you're not happy with. Ignore persistent pestering for stuff as much as possible - they soon get the message. Unfortunately my DH is a pushover too, so now when they come in they ask if 'DDs daddy' is here Shock I've had to have stern words with DH too. Sigh.

MoreBeta · 01/06/2011 22:30

A lot of you sound like you are being taken advantage of by nearly feral kids.

Maybe unfair but in my limited experience kids who come knocking have typically been chucked out of the house to rake arond the streets by their parents and typically it is those kids that are most likely to be trouble.

Two boys who came knocking unanounced for DS1 last week are like this and getting into low level thuggery and criminal damage. I told them to go away.

Kiwiinkits · 01/06/2011 23:24

oh God I used to be one of those feral kids who went round unannounced to friends' houses. It was just what we did; we didn't mean to be rude or pushy. We weren't thugs or crims (lol at beta)...we just wanted to play!

Just be firm; say no it's not convenient today Billy. You'll have to come some other time. No, it's not convenient for you to have tea with us. You'll have to go home for your own tea. Etc. It's not mean, just firm. Kids respect firmness.

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