Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think oh should have deleted his teenage porn use

111 replies

bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 18:22

So that me and the kids were not subjected to it first thing this morning when I went on Media Player. Should I be worried that it is 'teenage?'. He reassures me it is fine and just a title but I do feel quite uncomfortable.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 20:37

FAB and ILT could you take this away from this thread please, its not helpful this sort of personal bickering.

To be brutally honest, i dont think you should let your DH read this, where is the use in saying, and look, ive slagged you off on a parenting site and they all think you are a mucky pervert. Im sure you don't think that. Yes, he is totally out of order and needs to respect you enough to change his viewing habits and maybe the new rule shoud be, porn only to be watched together, because that is the rule in our house. Im not having DP wanking over some other woman or sex act when he has me, we use porn to turn each other on. Id be mortally offended if i thought he was viewing it on his own.

TheOriginalFAB · 31/05/2011 20:40

Okay, last thing I will say.

ILT - a teenager dressed in underwear for men to perve over is NOT the same as a child of 4 being used in the same way. No one can say it is. Obviously teenagers in porn is not great either.

Please don't ever make a comment about my parenting as I know more about abusive situations than you will ever. And yes, I know an older teenager looked at your dd in the shower.

AngryAngry

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:40

how does he know its on mumsnet anyway?

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:44

older teenager? no he's a grown man who had his computer,phones and van removed f4rom him,lost his job and is now awaiting frial....he was 28!!! but whats happened to my dd is not relevant here. and beside the point

so,a teenager dressed in underwear for men to perve over is NOT the same ''''so its ok with you?/ ok then Hmm

it would not be ok with me,or with any partner of mine doing this at ALL!!

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:44

he came home as i was posting and i was too angry to hide it.
Thanks Sunshine, you probably have a point, but he does think i am b u and i would really like him to know that in 79 responses, I am generallynot.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:44

frial? yeah,trial!!

CatPower · 31/05/2011 20:45

ILT, do you have an exclamation mark quota that you have to reach each night? One is usually enough.

OP - your husband's been an arse for using the family computer and not clearing his history. Which I'm no fan of the whole "teenage girls looking 4 fun" type of porn, if it was anything more serious (in the sense that the "actresses" were obviously underage) you would know and I doubt you'd be as relaxed about it as you are.

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:47

Look teen or barely legal porn isn't going to be older women dressed as a 19-year-old popping down to Tesco. It is going to be playing up the teen angle. Teen as a category is deliberately ambiguous - the women could be pretending to be 13 - they could be pretending to be 19. I'm shocked that anyone thinks that if they have adhered to the letter of the law and only employed young-looking 18 year olds this makes it ok. It is designed to attract people who want to watch people who look younger than is legal performing sex acts. The actual age of the actors is neither here nor there imo.

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:48

yeah cat,well some peoples laid back attitude to this kind of thing annoys me. especially where young eople are involved!

TheOriginalFAB · 31/05/2011 20:50

ILT - I NEVER said it was okay with me and I resent your implications that I don't give a shit and are laid back about abuse.

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:50

Thanks Cat, i don't think he is a child abuser or looking at children, but I am still very uncomfortable, and certainly not 'relaxed'. I don't by any means think he should be locked up, but i still think in a family home it is unnecessary. I don't even think the kids were asleep. He just pressed 'mute'

OP posts:
CatPower · 31/05/2011 20:52

ILT, I don't think anyone with half a braincell would ever be laid back about child pornography, but we're not talking about that.

"Teen" porn is grubby and shady and not pleasant, but it's not in the same league as CP. Whilst the OP's husband certainly has grubby odd taste in porn, it's clear that it wasn't anything like CP, otherwise I really don't think the OP would be posting here asking if she was being unreasonable to dislike it.

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:53

where were you then op?

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:54

theres still a high probability the girls were actually underage though,not saying he knew,but it must go through mens minds when viewing it

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:55

i was reading in bed, it had been a long weekend and the kids were tucked up together

OP posts:
Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:55

ilt, I don't think they were actually underage, but the title disturbed me

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:56

hope you've scared him enough into leaving it alone then op! horrible for you

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:58

I think the OP is asking because it is a grey area. Obviously child porn is wrong. And it would be wrong to look at people who are actually underage. But while looking at an 18 year old dressed up to look younger isn't illegal you would wonder about the type of man who would seek out girls that look underage. As the OP has said there is no shortage of all manner of porn on the internet. Her OH has been caught looking at 'teens' twice - once after he had expressly said he wouldn't and you would think he would be being more careful about what he was watching.

SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 20:59

PLEASE can this not degenerate into a catfight, ILT i can totally understand why you feel sensitive about this, maybe you need to walk away from it. It is no more than what it is, the OPs DH looking at porn at inappropriate times, inappropriate categories.

I dont know if this is relevent or not, but I have a 21 year old DD, This is why i hate that category because they all look about her age and WTF would i want to look at that. I don't know if it is because my DD is that age that they seem quite young or that they do, does that make any sense. OP your DCs are much younger so maybe his age radar is just off kilter, i promise you he wont be wanting to look at that sort of thing when his own children are that age. Not becaue it is any less wrong, but i dont think it actually hits home until it becomes relevent.Maybe its the whole OMG the police and doctors all look like teengaers to me syndrome too. Nothing to do with porn, just that our perception of what is young looking changes as we get older, and i wonder if it relates to the age of our children.

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 21:00

Well only the OH will know his motives but I would think that men who seek out porn containing young looking girls would be imagining they are the age they look.

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 21:03

not catfighting,other poster is carrying it on. leaving her to it.

from one of the feminist/porn threads i read that a lot of underage girls will access the sex trade via the teen porn route,that is worrying!!

TheOriginalFAB · 31/05/2011 21:04

I am not carrying it on. I am answering your disgusting comments.

MumblingRagDoll · 31/05/2011 21:16

I would not be happy. My DH likes a bit of mild porn but he would never google that stuff...he is turned on by grown women. I think you should bee bothered by this....I think you need to try to get hm t be honest about why he likes it...what was it made him click? has he looked at other dodgy things?
Imo looking for "teen" porn is gross.

SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 21:18

mumbling, im not sure he was looking for teen porn, i could be mistaken, but if you are looking for porn, its actually quite hard to avoid.

MumblingRagDoll · 31/05/2011 21:20

Qoute the grufalosma as she knows what she's talking about! It IS ambiguous...the girls COULD be 15 in some cases... Is that what turns him on? Ask him! Does he get hard thinking aout some kid naked and having sex with him?

Point out some 15 year olds...even better some 13 year olds...they're all teens aren't they?? Little girls still though!

Angry